Spoof news stories from Wednesday 7 February 2007
Chemtrails Responsible for Humans Erratic Behavior
Many of the headlines today are right out of an apocalyptic science fiction movie. A group of researchers have determined these bizarre occurrences are the fallout of Chemtrail spraying across the globe.
Score of Tied Ball Games to be Settled Literally -- Let the Dads Fight it out!
Corpus Christie, TX. Gone are the good old days of double and triple overtime. "We don't need no sissies waving pansy-ass rule books in our faces to tell us how to settle a score! We'll bring new meaning to the term sudden death overtime...
100 Mossad hookers at Buck House Valentine's Day reception
London - (Rotters): The annual Businesswomen of the Year dinner is to be held in Buckingham Palace on St Valentine's Day unless the daughter of Adolf Hitler who impersonates Queen Elizabeth II drops dead due to a prior engagement, eg an appointme...
Alexander Litvinenko and Paul Mccartney are Same Person?
Are Paul McCartney (rock star) and Alexander Litvinenko (Russian spy) in fact the same person?...
My husband went to the London art auction and all he got me was this lousy Monet
London - (Rioters): "And all I asked for was a couple of Modiglianis from the Lauder estate, nothing too formal, just a little something from his blue period after the absinthe-induced psychosis drove him to defile Rasputin's tarot reader...
Three weeks of retro-engineering cures Ted Haggard of homosexuality
Colorado Springs - (ReUterus): Following a three week course of immunization jabs, colonic irrigation therapy, a pilgrimage to the crystal healing waters of the Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fountain AND a semi-hypnotic suggestion from Mrs Haggar...
A Shilpa Shetty Interview Exclusive
Celebrity Big Brother winner Shilpa Shetty met with The Spoof 'writer' D Howdy for an interview exclusive.
Microsoft Merges with Virgin
Seattle WA. - Bill Gates and Richard Branson have announced today that they will merge their two giant corporations, Microsoft and Virgin, to be known as "Micro-Virgin-Soft." The two trans-Atlantic billionaires will form the biggest company...
Cherie Fights for Muslims' Human Rights
London- Cherie Blair has announced that all Muslims in England have had their Human Rights violated and she is going to represent them as she brings the case to the High Court sponsored by the taxpayers legal aid program. Mrs. Blair, or Ms. Booth as...
Adult Diaper Business Soars as Astronaut Use Revealed
The renegade astronaut who donned adult diapers to eliminate bathroom stops on a cross-country jaunt has unwittingly ignited interest in an industry that many consider kind of "icky."...
Britney Spears sex tape reveals pop princess has let herself go
Oops...she did it again! A new sex tape released by sleazy ex-lover, Kevin Federline, shows an obviously out of condition Britney Spears, indulging in a sex act.
All Experts Agree - Linux better than Windows Vista or Mac OS
A recent study has proven that all experts think Linux is better than Windows and Mac OS.
Cheney Taking The Fifth
If subpoenaed to testify in the I. Lewis 'Scooter' Libby obstruction of justice case, Vice President Dick Cheney, recipient of four deferments, may just take the Fifth to avoid the possibility of incriminating himself.
Fears that new Apple iPorn will lead to rise in RSI among American workers
Claims are coming in that Apple will unveil the long-awaited video iPorn next week. Apple Ceo, Steve Jobs, has said that he spotted a gap in the market which the iPorn will fill.
Teletubbies Say "You're Dead You Piece Of Scum!"
A man from Liverpool was in hiding today claiming that he is on the hit-list of Teletubby, Tinky Winky, and that he's dead meat if the loveable furry tri-angle headed kiddies favourite catches up with him.
Trophy-Wife Guru's Final Chapter: "Don't let his Liver Spots Dissuade You from your Dreams, Just Pretend they're Little Islands on the Treasure Map of Life."
Cristle-Anne Spatoli, author of the sensational N.Y. Times best-seller: "Teach your Daughter to be a Trophy Wife, A Practical Guide for Mothers," has died at the age of 79. Not unironically, the cause of death was listed as: "constan...
Pointless Report Completely Ignored
Lord Stoddart of Swindon's exhaustive 920-page report: "Global Britain, Business for Sterling" has been completely ignored, according to recent data. The survey, carried out by Reuters, discovered that the release of the report, six years in the making, has been met with something slightly short of apathy. "Eh?", "why?" and a long shake of the hea...
Ex-KGB spook fingered the wrong President
London - (AssoCIAted Mess): Hapless ex-KGB colonel Alexander Litvinenko RIP may have been the subject of an elaborate wind up by Tessa Jowl's Department for Vultures, Mediocrity and Spots into thinking it was Russian President Vlad The Impaler Pu...
Prince Charles declares 'One day I WILL be Queen', after fleeing from gay club
Last night, an emotional Prince Charles fled from a gay club in the heart of London's Soho, after declaring that he wanted to be Queen.
New Chicken Only Diet Takes Flight in U.S
Boffins at Kentucky University in the United States of America (the USA), are recommending that instead of eating five helpings of fruit and veg a day, people should scoff five portions of fried chicken instead.
Celebrity Big Brother Jade/Shilpa Stockmarket Stock Shock
Miss World Shilpa Shetty, the 'Indian' at the centre of the Celebrity Big Brother racism scandal, may have unwittingly been the cause of the massive Stockmarket gains for food company Oxo.
Britney and Blair Give Backing To Vigilante Plan
In a speech to the House of Commons, PM Tony Blair has given his full backing to the Vigilante Plan, a new initiative for tackling crime in Britain.
Adidas To Pay Beckham To Say "Ah"
Sportswear giant Adidas is set to pay David Beckham and other 'has-been' footballing personalities to say parts of the word 'Adidas' in a new advertising campaign announced today.
Sian Lloyd Relieved its not a Rent Boy
Weather Girl Sian Lloyd has spoken of her gratitude to well wishers who have offered her support following the break up of her relationship with the Liberal MP Lembit Opik. Mr Opik dumped the middle aged meteorologist for one of the Cheeky Girls, th...
Desperate Blair milks race victim
Drowning Street - (Rioters): As he faces his date with hystery in the shape of a hangman's noose at Traitor's Gate UK Prime Monster Tony Blair has found a weensy straw to cling on to by inviting Celebrity Big Racist winner Shilpa Shetty to re...
Prince Charles Calls on Prince to Stop Using His Name
Prince Charles, the spooky heir to the UK-based throne formerly called Charlie Battenburg-Hohernzollern, has had the cheek to call on the brilliant real Prince to stop using his name. Prince, the artist formerly known as the diminuti...
Poles - We Won't Work For Nothing Any More
In a huge set-back to Tony Blair's scheme to replace Britain's so-called overpriced rogue builders with Polish workers, The Spoof can reveal that Poles will no longer work for nothing, and stand in fields all...
Cuts At The BBC Mean Radical Re-think Of Schedules
Swingeing cuts at the BBC signal drastic budget reductions for programme makers throughout the corporation.
Cash For Vaginas Affair Rumbles On
Prime Minister, Tony Blair, has despite strenuous efforts to remain aloof, been dragged unceremoniously into the "Cash for vaginas" scandal that is rocking satirical organ, The Spoof.
Crowds Line The UK Docks for Next Installment of Buller's Buster!
You'd think you were in NYC down at the docks amid crowds of avid fans of Dickens' serial novels in the 19th century! Only you aren't. This time it's the 21st Century, the novelist is F.Buller and the suspense is about a crusty clown...
Americans Invade Liverpool!
In an eerie reversal of history, UK sports writer and former Chelsea footballer, Toomany Itsin-Dahead has dubbed the purchase of Liverpool by US billionaires George, Paul, John and Ringo: "The American Invasion"!...
Fear of Cervical Cancer Will Keep Them Abstinent
Christian conservative campaigners are hoping that the new HPV vaccine will be too expensive and the old fear of cervical cancer will preserve virginity.
Benedict 16 Wants Old Name Back
Pope Benedict 16th has announced that from now on everyone must call him Pope Ratzinger.
Man Recovering After Alleged Sexual Encounter with Condoleeza Rice
A Hampton, VA man was listed in stable condition after an alleged one night sexual encounter with National Security Advisor Condoleeza Rice, the Washington Post reported today.
Rosie O'Donnell Tops List of Celebrities Least Likely to Have Well Groomed Naughty Bits
Hollywood, California - A Hollywood based think tank today concluded that the best way to garner cheap publicity for itself would be to create a list of celebrities that would, after careful consideration of all known facts, be least likely to have a...
Hitler Spotted in Barnes and Nobles
Witnesses say that the crotchety old crumpet cruising the Self-Help section of an Omaha Barnes and Nobles was indeed der Fuhrer himself, and, was, according to the witnesses, NOT the happiest Nazi in the bookshop.
United States Releases Cock Pit Video
The United States today offered British families of those affected the chance to see the now renowned "Cock Pit" video. The video came to light after four English troops died of shock during a prank set up by their American counterparts.
Embracing Climate Change at Arms Length
White House Press Secretary, Tony Snowjob today announced that the President fully embraces the findings of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change and has called for an immediate increase in carbon emissions. Mr. Snowjob also announced that th...
Woman In Computer Company's "Sexual Harassment" Video Really Hot
Salt Lake City - The woman in the computer company Sencorp's "Sexual Harassment" video is really hot, according to new employee Mark Smithers.
Global Warming on Mars
Scientists from the United States, Europe and Asia today announced that the polar ice caps of the planet Mars are melting and agreed that the Sun, the major source of heat in the solar system is to blame for the increase of global temperature on the...