Spoof news stories from Friday 23 February 2007
Rogue Asteroid to Collide with Moon
NASA announced today it has been alerted to a rogue asteroid that seems to be on a collision course with the moon.
President Bush to US, "Ow I bit my toe"
Apparently George W. Bush managed to lower everyone's expectations even further, droping not only the par for future presidents, but also the ball, a bright red one he's had since an infant.
Avril Lavigne, Anti Pop, to Pop Princess, in One song
The once brooding anti pop, anti teen, anti commercial Avril Lavigne has bitten the bullet and gone all teen sweetness, sticky, gum up your ears kinda music she once was dead set against.
Tyra Banks Feels Kathryn McPhee's Beautiful Breasts
Kathryn McPhee of, American Idol fame, was a guest on The Tyra Banks Show recently. Tyra and Kat got along famously chatting away about girlie things, recording in the big time, the general day time chit chat.
Basil Brush Caught Shoplifting!
Sensational news was announced today when it was revealed that long time childrens' TV favourite, Basil Brush, had been arrested for shoplifting in a London department store.
Britney Spears, The New Role Model For Teenage Girls
Britney Spears has been asserting her independence as a single woman and mother the last few months. Since her split with Kevin Federline, Damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead, has been her motto.
Howard K Stern books Elton John for Anna Nicole funeral serenade
Bahamas - (Ass Mess): Anna Nicole Smith's bereaved partner/lawyer Howard K Stern has said he has asked Elton John to play a Princess Diana type of farewell serenade at the stripper's funeral in the Bahamas. The lyrics* to his famous 1997 euo...
Coastal Erosion - The Facts
With coastal erosion and sea levels steadily rising people living on the south coast of England are becoming more aware of the risks which face them.
Evil gene discovered!
London- For millenia now man has gazed upon the countless tiny acts of malice, the many varied crimes and atrocities committed, and has only been able to shake his head with a weary mystified resignation.
Cameron to visit Wisbech, Cambridgeshire
Following 'Dave' Cameron's visit to Manchester, where he happened across Liam Gallagher's nephew. Dave is planning to visit the country town of Wisbech to give his anti gun message .
New Strain Of Super Bed-bugs Out Of Control And Pumped Up On Crisps
A new strain of super bed-bug has started appearing in homes up and down the country and the message is "be afraid be very afraid"...
Mr T Brought In As Prince Harry's Bodyguard
Mr T, the larger-than-life actor that played BA Baracus in the A-Team, is on his way to Iraq to take on the role of Prince Harry's bodyguard.
911 conspiracy nut tells all!
Crawford- Ever since the charred rubble remains of that fateful day were removed, and the valuable steel sold to China, people have looked to the steadfastly determined US government to make sense of the confusion and fear that surrounds the most imp...
E-bay in freefall as new internet website promotes agressive selling techniques
E-bay admitted it was in trouble last night after a new company challenged the previously untouchable trading site.
Anna Nicole's mother vows to bury Stern
Florida - (ReUterus): Stripper Anna Nicole Smith's mother Virgie Arthur today vowed to bury her daughter's partner lawyer Howard K Stern in the Bahamas.
Angelina Jolie raffles vagina to raise funds for Cambodian orphanage
Compassionate Hollywood Superstar or egocentric, pouty-lipped nutbag?...
Blair Unveils Withdrawal Plan From Iraq - Next Stop Afghan Riviera
Prime Minister Fony Bliar today announced plans for an immediate withdrawal of British troops from Iraq, as stupidly-named Operation Sinbad began a winding-down.
"Prince Harry No Danger To Troops" - Army
Troops in Iraq from the same regiment as Prince Harry are "in no danger whatsoever" sources within the British Army have confirmed.
Countryfolk Hit Back At Second Home Owners!
There is uproar and pandemonium on the picturesque North Norfolk coast this morning as it was confirmed that village communities and Parish Council's would, after all, be able to implement a local tax and other costings against second home owners...
Al-Qaeda on the Verge of the SURGE
The PENTAGON (Armed Forces Digest) - Al-Qaeda leaders in Iraq are poised to adopt the SURGE strategy in the likely event that the dubious Democratic majority in the U.S. Congress shoots down the measure, thus shooting down lame duck...
Pentagon child molestor cabal invented 9/11 and Iraq war
Washington DC - (AssoCIAted Mess): NATO investigations into Sandy Berger's shredding of key security and intelligence documents relating to CIA traitor Aldrich Ames and FBI turncoat Bob Hanssen have found conclusive links between a child molestor...
Star Wars Fan Victim Of Bungling Tattooist
A Star Wars fan is fuming after his new tattoo went all Pete Tong in a Blackpool piercing and tattooing shop.
Nebraska Man Couldn't Care Less About Britney Spears
John Allen Morales, a 37 year old Omaha construction worker, says he couldn't care less about Britney Spears rehab or recently shaved head.
Why the Judge Cried at the End of the Anna Nicole Smith Hearing
Some thought it was emotion, but Spoof spies have the real scoop.
Amorous Astronaut's Aberrant Behavior Now Attributed to Time Magazine Article
Orlando, Fla. - In a surprise defense strategy, the attorney for rogue Astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak, of Houston, Texas now blames an article that appeared in the Februrary 5 issue of Time Magazine for the woman's early hours astrosault on another w...
Marcia Cross Gives Birth to Twin Girls; 'Desperate Housewives' Producers Ecstatic
"We've been wanting to work a newborn into the plot. And since laws say we can't employ a baby for very long each day, we needed two."...
Britney Spears practicing Buddhism and non-attachment to hair consults mentor the Dali Lama
Britney Spears, who has recently been making strides to turn her life around, admitted today that shaving her head and pubic hair was part of her Buddhist spiritual training.
New Court Petition Surfaces in Claim to Anna Nicole Smith Estate
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla - In the wake of the judge's order that the body of late Anna Nicole Smith be buried in the Bahamas, a new document has surfaced suggesting that another entry into the still unresolved paternity sweepstakes has come forwar...
Britney is serious trouble
Britney Spears has finally admitted she has a problem with handling reality.
Queen and Osama
Worried staff found the Queen in bed with Osama Bin Laden this morning. While serving her morning Earl Grey, Her Majesty was heard to tell Bin Laden in between moans "No wonder you are the most wanted man in the world"...
John Reid Takes Action On Guns
John Reid has taken decisive action by going out with a high powered rifle and shooting anyone he thinks may have a gun on or about their person.
Grand Old Duke of York - lied.
We can reveal the Grand Old Duke of York, who claimed to have ten thousand men, who he marched up to the top of the hill and then in a surprise military move, marched back down again, lied about the size of his battalion.
Joy Renee Cote Kissed Britney Spears 6-17-2006
LOONTOWN, UNITED KINGDUMB-(ROTTERS) The Royal family has been bombarded from the bowels of the Twilight Zone these last few weeks and the target, Young Prince William.
Britney Reoriented, but Fails to Break 4-Minute Rehab
MALIBU, CA - After several days of wild media speculation and assorted sightings, bald, tattooed, and troubled pantyphobe Britney Spears has now attributed her recent bizarre San Fernando Valley head-shaving incident to Feng Shui (pronounced either &...
Astronauts Fix ISS' antenna just in time for "Ugly Betty"
Astronauts Tyurin and Lopez-Alegria High-fived each other during the completion of Fixing the International Space Station's jammed antenna today.
Britney Spears shows middle school students badminton birdie shot; also speaks in vertical alignment meeting
Students at Buckley E. Filbertamous Middle School were surprised today after Britney Spears showed up at their school and volunteered to teach them the badminton birdie shot. Students sat in rows on the gym floor in their Physical Education classes t...
Brazilians' anger at being named after pubewax
Rio de Janeiro - (Ass Mess): A growing mood of anger, disgust and bafflement has been detected in Brazil this week following a poll among the country's nationals who were asked how they felt about being named after an extreme form of pubic waxing...
Alberto Gilardino to retire from football
AC Milan's young striker Alberto Gilardino has finally decided to quit football and take the pressure of him from having to dive every game and miss easy chances.