Spoof news stories from Saturday 17 February 2007
Britney Spears' Vagina Lands Contract with Bic Razor
Britney Spears and her vagina have signed a two year contract with Bic Razor. The company has been watching Britney and all the gyrations she's been going through lately and decided she'd be a perfect company spokeswoman.
Wenger tells of his love for young boys
In an exclusive interview with The Spoof, this morning at Arsenal's new state of the art Shenley training ground, Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger talked passionately about his vision for the the club and of his love of young boys.
What's Gotten Into Britney Spears? Peter Pan Peanut Butter
There may be a simple explanation for the latest in a series of bizarre incidents involving Britney Spears. During her 24 hour stint in rehab in Antigua, the Pop Princess indulged in one of her lesser known vices: Peter Pan peanut butter.
Porn-Air: The New Dutch Airline Company
Under the pressure of the new EU legislative body, Dutch parliament rushed to catch up with the new anti-prostitution laws. However as Jaan Van Houten told exclusively to our reporters last week, "existing prostitutes will not be left to die on...
Dog Acquires Language, Reveals Family Secrets
The news that Rex, a seemingly normal dog from Madison, Wisconsin, was recently granted speech took a bizarre twist yesterday when a throng of angry neighbors gathered at the front gate of the Marsh family home. The 50 or 60 agitated adults and chil...
Britney: rehab lice ate my extensions
Los Angeles - (ReUterus): As the hairdressing industry ponders Britney Spears's latest coiffage reports are coming in that the Antigua rehab to which she paid a brief pilgrimage last week is now the scene of a fierce infestation with tropical siz...
Shilpa Shetty's New Perfume Set to be a Hit
Shilpa Shetty's new perfume will hit the stores within three weeks. The first billion pounds will be donated to a major Anti-Racism charity, campaigning to restore the pride of every child of Indian origin that has been bullied in Britain.
The An...
Britney Spears Shaved Bald Due to Head Lice
Britney Spears, supporting a new chrome dome, revealed today the simple and embarrasing reason for her new look: head lice.
"I musta caught them fellers off of a pillow from some guy when I was out partying with Paris," said the slightly red-faced...
Government To Tax Non-Drivers
The Government are expected to announce next week that they are launching a tax initiative against the road users who have been accused of dodging taxes more than any other-the non driver.
Robertson slams Anna Nicole the Harlot
Regent University - (Rotters): Evangelical self-publicist Reverend Pat Robertson has told a press conference that he believes former Playboy centerfold Anna Nicole Smith died as a punishment from God for tempting men into impure thoughts by her surgi...
Male ignorance of female genitalia rampant
London - (ReUterus): The International Symposium of Clinical Satirists meeting at the Groucho Club in Soho has heard from a leading Professor of Anatomy that up to 95% of adult males cannot correctly identify women's preferred sex organs and are...
Is the ever expanding universe the reason for obesity?
Scientists from the San Francisco Institute of Cosmotology, today released what they claim is a groundbreaking new paper on the links between the ever expanding universe and the high levels of obesity seen in the world.
Bald Britney Spears Says Shaved Head Goes Well With Shaved Vagina
Britney Spears, who shaved her head bald yesterday, says it was to give her an overall look and image. "Yes," said the former pop princess and mouseketeer in her first interview since the new style, "I am now bald all over. I shaved my head and eve...
Thousands Protest Latest Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
The latest edition of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is out and is causing the usual ruckus. As has happened many times in the recent past, the magazine forgets all about football, basketball, baseball, hockey, soccer, bowling, tennis, swimmi...
Britney's Vagina: Buck E Filbert, Disappointment at Shave pics
Spoof Reporter Buck E Filbert spent a whole weekend in the closet at the exclusive Antigua rehab where Britney Spears paid a visit.
Weather, Wind Crack Jet Windshields in Denver
100 mile per hour winds that ripped through the Denver area caused the windshields of 13 jumbo jets to crack while sitting on the runways. The snowstorm and high winds also caused closure of the airport and hundreds of flight cancellations and delay...
Undergarment Police Certify Anna Nicole Smith Wore Clean Bloomers at Time of Death
Grand Bahama Island - Mothers everywhere breathed a collective sigh of relief this morning when Undergarment inspectors form the United Nations Clean Undergarment Compliance Agency in the Bahamas declared that Ms Smith was indeed wearing clean underg...
Sylvester Stallone Arrested For Smuggling Contraband in Luggage from Australia
Sylvester Stallone, best known for movie characters Rocky Balboa and John Rambo, was arrested yesterday at the Sydney airport for attempting to smuggle several items through customs. On the regular luggage search, customs inspectors encountered many...
Cameron, "Gays and Blacks will pay more tax"
Prime ministerial hopeful, Conservative leader David Cameron today told the legendary Journalist, Sir David "soft question" Frost, that under a future Conservative government the nation's vast army of gays and blacks will have to should...
Britney Spears Shaves Her Head Bald, Gets Tattoos, Checks Into Rehab
Britney Spears has done it again. Now, the former pop princess has shaved her head, had that head tattooed, and checked into and out of a California rehab facility all on the same day. Those three topics will be covered one at a time:
Shaved Hea...
Nicole Richie DUI; Women Inmates Plan Welcome Party
It looks like the drinks will be on Nicole Richie sooner than she thought.
Anna Nicole Smith's Body to be Cut Up and Distibuted to Family and Friends
Florida - Authorities in Florida announced today that Smith's body will be cut up into smaller parts and will be sent to various friends and family members. They believe that this action will settle the matter of who should get the body. They als...
David Hasselhoff: I have Never Seen Britney's Vagina
Loved by the German teenager and granny alike, 'The Hoff' has revealed that he has never actually seen Britney Spears Vagina.
Ms Madhuri has Returned Back to US!
"Fire in the mountain RUN! RUN! RUN! Ms Mad is in town what FUN! FUN! FUN!"...
Random Kung Fu Attacks Continue
The town of Flubadub, Canada, is not known for anything. It's a quiet place of 1000 people and a few chickens. But recently a series of bizarre kung-fu attacks have taken place on innocent people in the town.
Crooner Daniel O' Donnell Unveils New Look
Fans of schmaltzy crooner, Daniel O' Donnell, are in mourning today after the news that his plastic surgery has gone terribly wrong.
Caffeinated Pants
Do you suffer from bobbing head syndrome? Do you eyelids feel like lead window shades? Does your cup of coffee give out mid-day? Ever had a day where you need that extra kick? Been waiting for something better than soda, tea or caffeinated mints?...
Tom Cruise tells police, 'I shot Britney Spears' pussy after it caused my cock to swell'
You couldn't make it up........well, I suppose you could. Diminuitive Hollywood star, Tom Cruise, found himself in hot water yesterday after he shot Britney Spear's pussy.
Ajay Devgan wins Beauty Award
February 14th saw Tyme Magazine revoke the title it had bestowed upon Indian actress Aishwarya Rai. The honour of MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD was handed to Bollywood performer Ajay Devgan.
Ajay Devgaan's Jealousy: Just rumors?
When asked if he had liked Fanaa, he replied with nonchalance: 'I haven't seen it yet'. This statement is the cause of the grapevine doing the rounds in the Indian Film Industry - that Ajay Devgaan is jealous of his wife Kajjal.
Buster and the Baby Angel, Chapter 8
Well, patient reader your curiosity as to the Baby Angel's escape from the compost heap is about to be rewarded, though that may be an overly generous estimation.
Guardian: "Deliah Gets Stuck in Chelsea!"
We thought Chelsea was involved with lots of British footballers but the Guardian announcement involving Delia Smith and Chelsea Clinton hit the Football world like a Monica Lewinsky!...
Visine@ Runs Ad Campaign on US Colonel in Iraq
Visine@'s Advertising Director, I. Drup-Notears discovered a Guardian article about an African-American Colonel in Iraq who is so moved by the loss of life in the Bush-Blair fiasco that he keeps Visine@ on his desk to prevent his subordinants fro...
Serious Depression Strikes American Bald Eagle
Ornithologists have been observing a kind of Avian Clinical Depression (ACD) among American Bald eagle populations in the last six years: "They can't sleep or sleep too much. No appetite or over-eating and low affect have all been observed.&...
Bush To Star In One Man Play: The Bush Monologues
Upon completion of his second and final term as President, George W. Bush will star in his own one man Off-Broadway show, The Bush Monologues. In the show, Bush will talk about the one thing he hasn't screwed up in his administration...as soon as...
Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna
Gujarati farmers experienced an all-time low last month when the goats they rear stopped grazing.
Cheney's Smirk Prehistoric!
VP Dick Cheney has made the smirk an important part of US politics in the last 6 years. In fact presidential aspirants, Clinton, Osama, McCain and McCrone are said to be seeking VP running mates who can smirk real good!...
Blair Becomes SPECIFIC!
UK lame lame,formerly known as Antonio Specifico Blairino,made very specific comments about the specific issue of specific teen specific violence.
Next Big Brother!
The choice for the next celebrity big brother is out. After Shilpa Shetty's rip-roaring success, the UK-based show has decided to include one actor from the Indian film fraternity this time as well.
Foreskin of Christ found!
Jerusalem - Amazing news from Jerusalem today as a team of Isreali archeologists from the Unviversity of Tel Aviv, sensationally confirmed that the foreskin of the infant baby Jesus, known to followers throughout the world as the "Christ" h...
Mullets For Peace
The world has made a unified decision regarding hair and how hair should be cut for equality throughout the world....the world leaders have made a law requiring that everyone should have a mullet haircut. The Law is entitled 'The Mullet Act'...
Road signs in English might make sense, says council
Cheshire - (Rioters): Political correctness gone mad. That's the verdict after a decision to put road signs in English on a busy stretch of the A49 near Whitchurch baffled local residents who had just got used to eight new temporary diversion sig...
Heather Mills making threatening phone calls to herself
London - (Rotters): As the battle for custody of Paul McCartney's ££££s hots up his estranged wife Heather Mills has been to the local police staion to comment on a series of threatening phone calls to her home.
President Bush goes missing
Washington DC - (AssoCIAted Mess): A month long covert operation in the corridors of power has resulted in President Bush suddenly going AWOL from his top blog site where he recently caused an eruption of pandemonium by spinning a tale of clairvoyanc...