Funny story:  Obama declares Beyoncé's musical chart topper 'To the Left, To the Left' as his official 2008 Presidential campaign theme song

Obama declares Beyoncé's musical chart topper 'To the Left, To the Left' as his official 2008 Presidential campaign theme song

Washington, D.C. - Barack Obama has announced today that Beyoncé's popular musical chart topper, "To the Left, To the Left," is now his official 2008 Presidential campaign song. However, the decision to go with the song caused a rift i...
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Funny story:  Tony Blair Found Squatting in Flat

Tony Blair Found Squatting in Flat

Today in rather strange circumstances ex PM Tony Blair was found squatting in an abandoned flat...
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Funny story:  Time Traveler posts Ron Paul video on youtube

Time Traveler posts Ron Paul video on youtube

A time traveler who is a Ron Paul supporter has posted a video on youtube showing election night 2008. The video clearly shows CNN making the announcement that Ron Paul is the winner of the 2008 Presidential election.
View 'Time Traveler posts Ron Paul video on youtube'
Funny story:  New York restaurants say De Niro is 'bad-assed mean tipper'

New York restaurants say De Niro is 'bad-assed mean tipper'

Hells Kitchen, Upper West Side, New York - (Rotters): Restaurant staff at a chain of eateries part-owned by Hollywood actor Robert de Niro have downed tools and branded their boss a bad-assed mean tipper who has pocketed all their hard-earned gratuit...
View 'New York restaurants say De Niro is 'bad-assed mean tipper''
Funny story:  Traffic Wardens face Conscription!

Traffic Wardens face Conscription!

Following the government's decision to send a further 28,000 troops to Darfur in the Sudan, the senior officer of the British Army is forced to consider conscription.
View 'Traffic Wardens face Conscription!'
Funny story:  Gorgon Brown appoints Sooty as his new Middle East Envoy

Gorgon Brown appoints Sooty as his new Middle East Envoy

Drowning Street, London SW1 - (Ass Mess): Whitehall sources confirmed today that Lord Levy has been replaced by Sooty as Middle East envoy by Prime Monster Gorgon Brown.
View 'Gorgon Brown appoints Sooty as his new Middle East Envoy'
Funny story:  Shambo the Bull has karmic last laugh as monks deride foot & mouth outbreak

Shambo the Bull has karmic last laugh as monks deride foot & mouth outbreak

Skanda Vale, Carmarthenshire - (Karmic Press): Shambo, the sacred bull slaughtered by government officials this week after developing a rare strain of bovine TB, may have had the last, karmic laugh at his executioners.
View 'Shambo the Bull has karmic last laugh as monks deride foot & mouth outbreak'
Funny story:  Amtrak Provides Free Booze, AA Responds

Amtrak Provides Free Booze, AA Responds

No sooner had Amtrak announced a program providing $100 in free booze on selected train trips than Alcoholics Anonymous announced a new AA program on wheels.
View 'Amtrak Provides Free Booze, AA Responds'
Funny story:  Deep Purple, Whitesnake singer's unbearable experience

Deep Purple, Whitesnake singer's unbearable experience

Lake Tahoe, California - (Rioters): "He came looking for me, all 400 pounds of him mean and nasty, fangs as sharp as knives and talons a foot long. Sure, I got him in the end I guess because I was the smarter of the two and used my natural guile...
View 'Deep Purple, Whitesnake singer's unbearable experience'
Funny story:  Meeting Place

Meeting Place

Rock Hudson (1925-1985), the immaculate good looking movie star and Pat Tillman, (1976-2004), the football star, were both sitting on the bank of Mississippi river, watching the debris in the river when Rock tossed a pebble down the river. Then Pat picked up an egg-shaped pebble and threw it in the air in the same direction. The pebble landed in the center of the ripples. Now, Rock, addressing Pat...
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Funny story:  Hop on the bus, Gus!

Hop on the bus, Gus!

A man, posing as a tourist, approached the bright yellow chicken, standing outside the court in RAINSVILLE, Ohio, holding up the sign "No Chicken Ranch in RAINSVILLE!"...
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Funny story:  "I am just soooo still a Socialist" claims Cherie B

"I am just soooo still a Socialist" claims Cherie B

Stalinist Scouse Actor Tony Booth has upset his social climbing daughter by stating that, "She is no longer a Socialist as far as I can see. How anyone can stay so silent while her husband spreads British Imperialism throughout the world is beyo...
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Funny story:  Taliban Blues Band Belts Out New Hit

Taliban Blues Band Belts Out New Hit

Taliban City, Talibania (IP) - We find our music and entertainment reporter on the scene, Ebenezer Finootch, in a dimly lit coffee shop on Osama Street secretly writing down a transcript of a new blues song which has become a big hit with Talibanese youth still fortunate enough to own a radio and those hard to get D-cell batteries that these radios require.
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Funny story:  Vertically Challenged, The Tom Cruise Story

Vertically Challenged, The Tom Cruise Story

Recently, our very own Scoop Johnson had an opportunity to sit down with the little one for an interview. This is his exclusive interview with Tiny Tom.
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Funny story:  Head of Russia's navy says it should have permanent naval presence in Alaskan waters

Head of Russia's navy says it should have permanent naval presence in Alaskan waters

Bloodyvostok, Russia - (Rioters): Admiral Vladimir Masorin, head of the Russian navy, has said it should have a permanent naval presence in Alaskan water, mirroring the military ambitions of the Corrupt Bastards Club.
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Funny story:  Police respond to 911-phone call at L.A. Mayor's mansion; new girlfriend demands he merges his last name with hers

Police respond to 911-phone call at L.A. Mayor's mansion; new girlfriend demands he merges his last name with hers

Los Angeles, California - Police responded to the Los Angeles Mayor's mansion in the early morning predawn hours today to a 911-phone call from neighbors complaining of raised voices, and the sound of shattering glass. Police arrived to find the...
View 'Police respond to 911-phone call at L.A. Mayor's mansion; new girlfriend demands he merges his last name with hers'
Funny story:  Frangrant Kate Moss perfume "smells like coke and looks like piss sample"

Frangrant Kate Moss perfume "smells like coke and looks like piss sample"

London - (Rioters): The launch date for Kate Moss's new signature perfume L'Air du Moss has been postponed indefinitely after fragrance industry complaints that it "smells exactly like cocaine".
View 'Frangrant Kate Moss perfume "smells like coke and looks like piss sample"'
Funny story:  Nicole Richie ready to check into the Hilton Suite at Lynwood

Nicole Richie ready to check into the Hilton Suite at Lynwood

Lynwood, California - (Ass Mess): "I love Sherrif Lee Baca!" proclaims the 10ft x 6ft laminated poster of the Los Angeles Sherrif department top man in what has been dubbed the official Paris Hilton Suite at the Lunwood Correctiona...
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Funny story:  Foot & Mouth outbreak "in farm next door to Heather Mills new des res"

Foot & Mouth outbreak "in farm next door to Heather Mills new des res"

Surrey, England - (Disater Press): The outbreak of foot and mouth disease announced yesterday has been located to a Surrey farm right next door to Heather Mills's new £3 million bijou residence.
View 'Foot & Mouth outbreak "in farm next door to Heather Mills new des res"'
Funny story:  Tricky Ricky Warns Prison Break Is Imminent at CPDRC

Tricky Ricky Warns Prison Break Is Imminent at CPDRC

In a memo received by prison officials yesterday, the Trickster warns of a 'massive exodus of inmates' at the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center. Cebu, which means cuckolded in Puerto Rico, has been allowing the prisoners to...
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Funny story:  Corrupt Bastards found in Hawaii

Corrupt Bastards found in Hawaii

Alaska - (Ass Mess): Alaska's Corrupt Bastards Club has been confirmed as having established an outreach orifice in Hawaii with the news today that Hawaii's Senior Senator Daniel Inouye is a largesse recipient from the dodgy oil industry graf...
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Funny story:  Everything you wanted to know about Bra's, but were afraid to ask.

Everything you wanted to know about Bra's, but were afraid to ask.

In a fascinating new book due to be published next month, Professor Peter Trainor from Slade Green in Kent has become the first British Historian to explore in it's entirety the history and sociological importance of the female bra.
View 'Everything you wanted to know about Bra's, but were afraid to ask.'
Funny story:  "Muslim cows" attempt to destroy British farming

"Muslim cows" attempt to destroy British farming

The leader of the British Nationalist Party (BNP) has launched a scathing attack on what he calls the most "real and serious danger that British cows face".
View '"Muslim cows" attempt to destroy British farming'
Funny story:  IRA clergy squeezing Gorgon Brown over ancient Royal marriage laws

IRA clergy squeezing Gorgon Brown over ancient Royal marriage laws

London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Ever since Henry VIII banished the megalomania aspirations of the satanic Popish cult over the Throne of England the Catholic Church has attempted to sneak back in by stealth.
View 'IRA clergy squeezing Gorgon Brown over ancient Royal marriage laws'
Funny story:  Macdonalds announce new burger

Macdonalds announce new burger

MacDonald's has announced the launch of their new burger the "Big chav". It is hoped that this will attract a larger number of people to their restaurants to boost declining sales. They have also announced a plan to create a baby sized...
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Funny story:  Murdoch's Wall Street Journal purchase "a preparation to back Hillary 2008"

Murdoch's Wall Street Journal purchase "a preparation to back Hillary 2008"

Wall Street - (Ass Mess): Rupert Murdoch's purchase of the Wall Street Journal this week has been confirmed by insider trading sources as his final preparation to officially back Hillary Clinton's 2008 White House bid.
View 'Murdoch's Wall Street Journal purchase "a preparation to back Hillary 2008"'
Funny story:  Diana was a smack addict:  archives

Diana was a smack addict: archives

London - (Ass Mess): Diana, Princess of Wales became addicted to heroin shortly after the birth of her son William according to archived classified reports unearthed in the Public Records Office today.
View 'Diana was a smack addict:  archives'
Funny story:  Eddie Murphy: "Scary Spice stole my sperm!"

Eddie Murphy: "Scary Spice stole my sperm!"

Hollywood - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Hollywood star Eddie Murphy has hit back at this week's paternity lawsuit findings by claiming 'Scary Spice' - former Spice Girl Mel B - "literally stole the sperm from my balls" to impregnate...
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Funny story:  Spielberg and Lucas to Make Spoof Movie

Spielberg and Lucas to Make Spoof Movie

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Dublin - It looked like The Spoof movie had fallen into the Twilight Zone as the cost increased.
View 'Spielberg and Lucas to Make Spoof Movie'
Funny story:  Mahjong epilepsy scare traced to sourgrapes competition losers

Mahjong epilepsy scare traced to sourgrapes competition losers

Hong Kong - (Ass Mess): Scientists at the Queen Mary II Hospital in Hong Kong have found 'conclusive porrf' that sourgrapes mahjong international competition losers have been spreading rumors alleging the game can give players epilepsy.
View 'Mahjong epilepsy scare traced to sourgrapes competition losers'
Funny story:  Harmful levels of Testosterone found in Irn Bru

Harmful levels of Testosterone found in Irn Bru

Sold as a harmless Scottish fruit drink, Irn Bru has found itself under threat after allegations that each can contains, "almost 20 times the legal amount of the male hormone testosterone".
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Funny story:  Putin's Arctic sub caught spying on Queen Mary II in NYC

Putin's Arctic sub caught spying on Queen Mary II in NYC

New York - (Ass Mess): A Russian mini-submarine used to claim hydrocarbon prospecting rights underneath the Arctic Ocean has been caught spying on the ocean-going liner the Queen Mary II which was berthed just outcide New York City this morning.
View 'Putin's Arctic sub caught spying on Queen Mary II in NYC'
Funny story:  Hannibal Lecter To Unveil Tommy Cooper Statue

Hannibal Lecter To Unveil Tommy Cooper Statue

Welsh actor and sculptor Sir Hannibal Lecter is to unveil a statue of Tommy Cooper in the dead comedian's home town of Caerphilly.
View 'Hannibal Lecter To Unveil Tommy Cooper Statue'
Funny story:  Harvey Nichols To Stop Selling Liver Pate

Harvey Nichols To Stop Selling Liver Pate

Harvey Nichols, the posh people's shop that many working class folk treat as a sort of Mecca, will stop selling foie gras, senior executives announced yesterday.
View 'Harvey Nichols To Stop Selling Liver Pate'
Funny story:  Foot & Mouth outbreak: The Spoof! warned COBRA a week ago

Foot & Mouth outbreak: The Spoof! warned COBRA a week ago

London - (Ass Mess) The Government's COBRA emergency committee met today to contain reports that it was warned on 26 July by the satirical internet website The Spoof! about the dangers of the July floods spreading foot and mouth disease which hav...
View 'Foot & Mouth outbreak: The Spoof! warned COBRA a week ago'
Funny story:  Bush Says Don't Worry About Hoof and Mouth Disease

Bush Says Don't Worry About Hoof and Mouth Disease

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - It seems that Hoof and Mouth Disease is running rampant throughout the world. In the U.K. they call it "Foot and Mouth Disease." Does this worry our "Commander Guy?" NO!...
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Funny story:  "Saddam had Bridge Work done on N.H.S." claims nutty Boris

"Saddam had Bridge Work done on N.H.S." claims nutty Boris

Interbred Tory MP Boris Johnson has criticised the Government over what he sees as double standards regarding dental care in Britain today.
View '"Saddam had Bridge Work done on N.H.S." claims nutty Boris'
Funny story:  When Will Bush Decide He Has ENOUGH Power?

When Will Bush Decide He Has ENOUGH Power?

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - President Bush added power to the power to the power to the power that he gave himself by issuing the Executive Order: Block...
View 'When Will Bush Decide He Has ENOUGH Power?'
Funny story:  "Not what I expected" admits Worrall-Thompson

"Not what I expected" admits Worrall-Thompson

Celebrity diabetic Anthony Worrall Thompson has claimed that the plastic surgery he believed would improve his life has not gone quite as he had planned.
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Funny story:  Big Brother Halfway Halfwits Shanessa And David Evicted From House

Big Brother Halfway Halfwits Shanessa And David Evicted From House

Big Brother housemates Shanessa and David were evicted from the Halfway House last night as the show became ever more tedious with another boring anti-climax.
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Funny story:  Post-Mortem Examination Due On Failed Glasgow Airport Bomber

Post-Mortem Examination Due On Failed Glasgow Airport Bomber

A post-mortem examination on the body of a man suspected of being involved in the terror attack on Glasgow airport, is due to be carried out later today.
View 'Post-Mortem Examination Due On Failed Glasgow Airport Bomber'
Funny story:  American Airlines to Remove Toilets From All Flights

American Airlines to Remove Toilets From All Flights

In yet another cost saving move,American Airlines is removing all toilets from their aircraft, accept for one to be used by flight crew only. First class passengers will have to pay $5 per trip for the priviledge of using the flight crew's Johnny...
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Funny story:  "I'll carry on fighting" claims Barton

"I'll carry on fighting" claims Barton

Fans fearing that Joey Barton's football could get in the way of his fighting career were more relaxed today after the Scouse Scrapper pledged to carry on fighting.
View '"I'll carry on fighting" claims Barton'
Funny story:  Muslim Cleric "Saying Nasty Things About Westerners"

Muslim Cleric "Saying Nasty Things About Westerners"

Prison officers working at a jail in Worcestershire where a radical Muslim cleric is being held have said that they suspect him of saying "nasty spiteful things" about Westerners, and about...
View 'Muslim Cleric "Saying Nasty Things About Westerners"'
Funny story:  Nicole Richie Will Seductively Lounge In The Paris Hilton

Nicole Richie Will Seductively Lounge In The Paris Hilton

Rumor has it that Nicole Richie has made a decision on where to spend her 4 days in jail. Nicole was sentenced to 4 days incarceration by a Los Angeles court mediator a few days ago. Nice thing for Nicole is, she decides where and when she does her t...
View 'Nicole Richie Will Seductively Lounge In The Paris Hilton'
Funny story:  Leeds United To Be 'Banished To The Wilderness'

Leeds United To Be 'Banished To The Wilderness'

Leeds United were yesterday dealt a fresh blow to their already almost insurmountable problems, when the Football League imposed a 15-point penalty on the West Yorkshire club.
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Funny story:  Foot & Mouth Could Spell The End For Brown

Foot & Mouth Could Spell The End For Brown

A confirmed outbreak of the extremely contagious Foot & Mouth disease on a farm in Surrey could be 'the straw that breaks the camels back' for Prime Minister Gordon Brown, say political analysts.
View 'Foot & Mouth Could Spell The End For Brown'
Funny story:  Bush caused major hurricane

Bush caused major hurricane

(New Orleans, LA) - New Orleansians are irate over a recent study that supposedly proves that President George W. Bush was responsible for creating Hurricane Katrina with his weather machine in 2005.
View 'Bush caused major hurricane'
Funny story:  'Blackmail' an issue for USPS

'Blackmail' an issue for USPS

(Selma, AL) - Several Caucasian United States Postal Service employees have been fired after allegedly tampering with mail intended to be delivered to the homes of over 800 local African American residents.
View ''Blackmail' an issue for USPS'
Funny story:  Denmark Declares War on Russia Over North Pole

Denmark Declares War on Russia Over North Pole

In a surprise move today Denmark has given Russia one week to move off the North Pole and get it's grubby paws off the mineral rights there. Denmark issued that warning, if they don't comply its war!...
View 'Denmark Declares War on Russia Over North Pole'
Funny story:  Cows With Prosthetic Legs Protest Heather Mills' Land Grab!!

Cows With Prosthetic Legs Protest Heather Mills' Land Grab!!

Reutorooter Press - Several cows in a Sussex farm pasture next to Heather Mill's new estate have begun an around the clock protest of Heather Mills McCartney. The bovines are apparently upset at the vegetarian's attempts to buy their pasture...
View 'Cows With Prosthetic Legs Protest Heather Mills' Land Grab!!'
Funny story:  Leading Source of Polar Melting:  Walrus Farts

Leading Source of Polar Melting: Walrus Farts

According to a new National Geographic study released Wednesday, Walrus farts are now the leading contributer to polar ice melting. However, despite their danger, walrus flatulence has, until recently, passed under the radar. Apparently North Ameri...
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Funny story:  Bush calls for conference to stop greenhouse gases

Bush calls for conference to stop greenhouse gases

President George Bush unveiled plans this afternoon to destroy all the greenhouses in the US and other parts or the world in order to stop global warming.
View 'Bush calls for conference to stop greenhouse gases'
Funny story:  Bill Clinton Refuses to be Called First Lady

Bill Clinton Refuses to be Called First Lady

Former United States President William Jefferson "Bill" Clinton, husband of current New York Senator and Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton, has decided that he does not want to be the first lady.
View 'Bill Clinton Refuses to be Called First Lady'
Funny story:  Rural Isolation Soon To Become Obsolete

Rural Isolation Soon To Become Obsolete

Silicone Valley (San Jose Duodenum) - Uniting the power of the internet with wireless technology and principles of indoor plumbing, Ted Clampett (grandson of Jed Clampett) has stumbled upon a discovery that could radically alter the lives of millions...
View 'Rural Isolation Soon To Become Obsolete'
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