Spoof news stories from Monday 27 August 2007
George Bush to live in Africa as "Tarzan figure"
President George W Bush wants to live in Africa and become a Tarzan-like figure.
Fidel Castro hires dance act Stomp to be personal bodyguards
Unwell Cuban dictator Fidel Castro has hired noisy dance troupe Stomp as personal bodyguards.
Michael Jackson opens free babysitting service
Plastic faced Holocaust denier, Michael Jackson has opened a child-minding center right in the heart of Beverly Hills. "It's for deprived rich kids", squealed Jackson, "it's a plac...
Indiana Jones movie closes New Delhi hair salon
Makers of the new "Indiana Jones" movie apologized for the forced closure of a hair salon in New Delhi, India. "We apologized to staff and customers and it's been cleared up", said a...
Parents concerned about computer game addiction
Growing numbers of parents whose children play computer games have been expressing concerns to their pediatricians about the addictive nature of the software. Adults are also falling prey to the phenomenon.
Homeland Insecurity chief Chertoff tipped for Gonzo's post
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Trying to find a perfidious, incompetent, self-preserving, justice-perverting douchebag to equal or better Alberto Gonzales's record is no mean feat but DC sources tonight are confident that Homeland Insecurity chief M...
Mittens Stolen
HOBOKEN, NEW JERSEY (AP Newsliar) -- Three little kittens lost their mittens this morning in an apparent burglary, police reported today.
Alberto Gonzales To Be Replaced By Magic Eight Ball
Washington, D.C. - It was the start of a momentous week in the nation's capital when first Attorney General Alberto Gonzales agreed to step down after coming under increasing scrutiny by both parties in Congress for his firing of U.S. attorneys i...
Donut throwing now legal
In a sports story destined to try to make the lives of life-long couch potatoes easier, the sport of Donut throwing has now been made legal.
Opium Premiums are better than Oil and Petroleum!
Top investments expert Miles Digweed today recommended buying into the blossoming opium production industry in Afghanistan. "Growth over the past 12 months has been extraordinary," he stated, "and prospects look good for a repeat in 20...
Tsunami to annihilate Canada
Canada was bracing itself today for a threatened tsunami. The horror wave could hit at any time according to Calgary's expert on natural disasters, Austin Shaw.
Barclays cut to junk status after trader legs it with £3 billion funds
Canary Wharf, London - (Ass Mess): Barclay's Capital has been relegated from its triple-A to junk status after its head of collateralized debt obligations, Edward Cahill, did a runner with a suspected £3 billion of the bank's funds.
Eclipsed Full Moon Heralds End of Puppet Monarchy
London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Tuesday's eclipsed full moon is the harbinger of imminent doom for the Puppet Monarchy.
Rats and that sinking ship feeling...
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): One of President Bush's closest and most trussed advisors has quit in the wake of an imminently-erupting scandal at the Justice Department.
Bush Staff Abandons D.C. Like Rats on a Sinking Ship
Washington (DC) - A visit by our Washington correspondent reveals that the White House is almost deserted these days thanks to Bush staff jumping ship in the panic that precedes the impeachment of the Commander in Chimp.
Gonzales Quits Bush Regime to Become Security Guard at Disneyland
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - US Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has resigned from the Bush Regime to become a security guard at Disneyland Florida.
Space Void Just Bird Poo
The apparent one billion light-year void in space discovered by a University of Minnesota team has proved to be nothing more than pigeon droppings on some of the radio telescopes used to survey the heavens.
Ron Paul Spammer exposed, dirty tricks
The source for this news is one of the staff over at
LevitraCialisCheapCheapViagra.com.
Alberto Gonzales to Sell Che Guevara T-Shirts
Washington (IP) - Alberto Gonzales was fired today for wearing and selling Che Guevara T-Shirts on government time. Bush says he is a big fan of Che but that selling any item while on duty is cause for immediate dismissal.
Cuba is Alberto Gonzales Destination
Washington (IP) - Alberto Gonzales who has been on loan from Cuba and has been serving as America's Attorney General is calling it quits. He has gathered his belongings and is heading to Key West, Florida.
Thelma from Scooby Doo admits she was never scared in Ghost Hunting documentary
Thelma, the dowdy glasses wearing Ghost Detective from supernatural documentary Scooby Doo has revealed that she was never frightened of the ghosts in the films.
Cliff Richard admits to a liking for the music of Iron Maiden
Cliff Richard, Britain's answer to Elvis Presley admitted to his friend and long time political ally Tony Blair that he really likes the music of Iron Maiden.
Four Degrees of Barry Bostwick
Television Actor Barry Bostwick, star of many straight to TV Melodramas, and the Mayor of New York in comedy Spin City has now found famed of another sort, as the central character of a new game, Four Degrees of Barry Bostwick.
Family Guy's Stewie Griffin not bad, just misunderstood
Breaking news from Quahog is that Stewie, the youngest member of lovable cartoon family that is not the Simpsons, the Griffins in Family Guy, is not bad, he is simply misunderstood, and that the many times in which he has threatened violence against...
Mixed Reviews for Review
An actor, famed for his tantrums has given a savage review a mixed review himself.
Stranger in Emmerdale found to not be a missing Dingle
An extra on ITV's early evening light tragedy, Emmerdale was revealed to not be another dingle character bought into the soap.
Death Star - Not the best present ever
Darth Vader, the villian of Space based documentary Star Wars has admitted that buying a Death Star for his long -estranged daughter Princess Leia was probably not the best move.
Pheww! Britain Swelters In Bank Holiday Hot Spell
Proof if proof were needed that global warming is taking hold of Britain in an icy death-like grip, as for the first time in living memory the weather over the bank holiday has been nice.
Fire at Olympia! Prometheus sought for questioning; Brangelina held as a material witness by Athenian authorities
Athens, Greece - Prometheus, disappointed with what man has done with the gift of Fire he gave to them, reportedly decided to take it back. Unfortunately, as he was returning to Olympia, he ran into some old college-drinking buddies. Together they at...
Bush Condemns World's "Small Countries"
In a rare moment of unscripted candidness, American President George Bush spent time away from answering questions at a recent speech to students at the University of Kansas to voice his displeasures and concerns about small countries.
Marathon or Snickers? You decide.
Mars is bringing back the Marathon bar in response to demand from internet campaigners.
Are you 'British' enough to be 'British'?
Britain has unveiled details of a new citizenship test for immigrants. They will be asked questions about history, institutions and culture - as well as committing to British social values focusing on, "being one of the lads".
"I won't go to Diana Charade" claims Camilla
"With blood on her hands the mad eyed bitch moved towards her prey" sang Barry Manilow in his 1982 hit, 'She left me for a Sailor Boy'. How prophetic his words seem this morning. In a display of Royal rage not witnessed since Prin...
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