Las Vegas Nevada, Britney Spears assaulted two photographers outside a spa in Las Vegas two days ago According to witnesses she threw a baby bottle full of mothers milk at paparazzi as they attempted to photograph her.
Balmoral Castle, Blackader - (Ass Mess): There will be no royal invitation for Kate Middleton to join the Puppet Monarchy at the Highlands retreat of Balmoral Castle this year after hundreds of nude photos of her shagging the entire Blues & Roya...
Bollywood - (Celebrity Guess): Green-eyed mega-goddess Aishwarya Rai is rumored to be on the verge of signing up as the next Bond Girl in the forthcoming blockbuster From Bollywood With Love.
Cape Canaveral, Florida - (Ass Mess): This weekend sees NASA's launch of the unmanned Phoenix probe which will prospect large parts of the moon for oil, diamonds and water.
Arctic Ocean - (Ass Mess): Russian oil prospectors arrived in a Kursk replica submarine on the Arctic seabed this morning some 14,000 ft below the North Pole and were about to plant their country's traditional skull 'n' crossbone...
London - (Ass Mess): Details of last week's Camp David summit gift exchange between President George Bush and UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown has been revealed.
London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Osama Bin Laden's new daughter-in-law was once shagged by footballer George Best according to Foreign Orifice sources today.
Anchorage, Alaska - (Disatser Press): FBI sources investigating the murky dealings of the Corrupt Bastards Club have hinted strongly that former Governor of Alaska and ex-US Senator Frank Murkowski is likely to be probed following the raid on Senator...
Washington DC - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Suborning witnesses with Presidential executive priviledge orders has long been a GOP favortie technique on Capitol Hill when the going gets rough.
"I was a little surprised by the charges of malpractice," said long-time Connecticut tree surgeon Gary Minnowitz, "I've always provided my patients with the best possible care, and I just plain love trees - sometimes physically. I...
US and A (XYZ News) - Since stepping down as US Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld is enjoying the things he loves most. Namely, playing the guitar, testifying before Congress, and following baseball.
Footballer and hatchet man Joey Barton has been charged with 'exposing himself' by police, after he displayed his backside following a match at Everton last season. A lesser...
The fragile truce that had been established between P Diddy's East Coast Bad Boy Entertainment and Snoop Dogg's West Coast Death Row Records is in danger of collapsing. At a sit-down in Hastings, Nebraska, chosen for its neutral location, me...
Minneapolis, Minnesota (IP) - The tragic and needless collapse of the Minneapolis bridge has brought with it the usual barrage of idiotic and inane questions by major television and local reporters as well. Disaster scene observer Ebenezer Finootch...
Minneapolis, MN (IP) - The federal government began its hunt for scapegoats at the local and state level today so as to divert attention from the impending threat to America's entire highway infrastructure. Our on-the-scene investigative reporte...
Academics at the London University New Academic Terminology Information Centre (L.U.N.A.T.I.C.) have announced that their 20 year search for the "Question that has no answer" has finally ended.
Mikail Plattoni Muli billionaire oligark has announced the formation of a new European Super League.
Dozens of figures from the Irish Republic's National Wax Museum have been damaged or stolen after a "rave" party at a warehouse, officials say.
A noted scientist in the West Midlands has, what he calls, indisputable and irrefutable proof that the Earth's climate is changing.
Dr Paul H Griddler, an eminent local quack, says that a chance discovery whilst out walking in the park with his 5-...
Washington D.C. -- In response to his rapidly plummeting poll numbers and the recent revelations that the word most likely to be associated with his presidency is "incompetent," President Bush lashed out at members of the assembled press co...
Vienna, Austria (IP)- Sad news from Austria today as it has been announced that the Vienna Boys Choir known here as the Musik der Kinder Katze will be disbanded on a permanent basis. The reason given was that hormones added to food products have ma...
Washington (IP) - I.P. Investigative reporter Poindexter Finootch was allowed a rare one on one interview with G.W. Bush today and what he learned from the President has far reaching implications for the middle class.