Spoof news stories from Tuesday 24 April 2007
Curse of Imus spreads at CBS
New York - (Ass Mess): Two WFNY-FM shock jocks who campaigned in support of sacked CBS radio show host Don Imus have been fired for spreading his inimicable brand of humor to the Chinese community.
Tony Blair Congratulates Bush on Prevention of Tourism Act
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - London - Today, after a meeting at the New World Order headquarters, Prime Minister Tony Blair was seen holding President George W. Bush's hand and congratulating him for penning the Prevention of Terrorism Act.
"Hanoi Jane" Chides Lindsay Lohan for Bad Behavior
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Hollywood - Jane Fonda, or Hanoi Jane as many call her, chided Lindsay Lohan in a note today for her bad behavior on the set of their upcoming movie, Georgia Rule.
Pope Abolishes Limbo And Sends Bahamas Into Crisis
His Holiness The Pope has changed the face of Caribbean beach parties for ever. Because in a sensational move he has abolished Limbo.
President George W. Bush has Blue Removed from Flag
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - Today, President George W. Bush signed an order to have the color blue removed from the United States flag.
Cheney Resumes Normal Schedule After Blood Clot Gets High Marks
Doctors said the blood clot in Vice President Cheney's left leg is slowly getting smaller, according to a spokeswoman.
Cal-el Flys Jalepenoman to Fortress of Solitude
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Antartica - Early this morning, a TheSpoof.com writer, Jalepenoman, was hospitalized after a brutal Holy War. Fearing that his Christian brother wasn't getting proper hospital treatment in the Land of Bush and Money, Cal-...
Kryptonite Kid Kidnapped by Fergus McCarthy
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Earth - Today, the Kryptonite Kid was kidnapped by The Spoof writer, Fergus McCarthy.
Saddam Hussein to Bush: What Have You Done To My Country!?
(Hell) -- Dead Iraqi Tyrant Saddam Hussein has issued a statement decrying the destruction of his country by President George W Bush (22 months to obscurity). It is true all they said about me, the disappearing opponents, the occasional beheadings,...
Bush's Head of War & Reconstruction Plans Introduced
(Where The Sun Don't Shine) -- The "head" of President for 22 more months George W Bush Department of War Plans & Reconstruction, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Halliburton, has emerged from his office for a rare glimpse of his planning t...
Nicolas Sarkozy Vows to be George Bush's "French Poodle"
PARIS (AFP) - Right-wing Nicolas Sarkozy has told CNN that he will be a faithful "French poodle" for President George Bush.
Russians will drink to commemorate Yeltsin
Russia has announced a 24 hour day of drinking to commemorate former leader Boris Yeltsin who died this week. All Muscovites will be required to consume a bottle of vodka and stumble around the streets of the capital in a drunken stu...
Knut Devastated After Learning Name is an Anagram
Tiny polar bear Knut was today in a state of shock after learning the origins of his unusual name. Knut's keepers let slip the truth while teasing the little bear with a bog brush during his playtime earlier today. Keeper Wilhelm Von Ostennburg s...
Exclusive! PM Blair's Valedictory Letter to the Nation
I am Tony Blair and I have been privileged to be your elected Prime Minister for the past three terms of Government.
Bush: American People Did NOT Vote For Failure, But They Got ME Anyway
(South Lawn) -- George W Bush, President for 22 more months, railed against the Congress for daring to question his supremacy, as he lleft for a photo op in Harlem to show he cares and that the perfectly-named No Child Left Behind PR campaign masquer...
Bush Ripping Off Mein Best Ideas, Final Solution
(Hell) -- Dead tyrant Cpl. A. Hitler (Homeland Guard Reserve) has decried President George W Bush's rhetoric against the elected members of the United States government and W's proposed erection of a blast wall around Congress as "the fi...
McCain Tells Horny Christians to do "The Hokey Pokey"
As presidential hopeful John McCain courted Christian conservatives in the Bible Belt last weekend, he encouraged about 1500 South Carolina middle and high school students to just say no to sex.
Laura Bush Plans Impeachment Gala
In the event that any of the illegalities he has perpetrated are brought to a court of law, a proactive Laura Bush wants to be prepared for her husband's possible impeachment, her press secretary said in confidentiality.
Lessons of Iraq: Bush Erection Campaign - Build Blast Wall Around Congress
(South Lawn) -- Borrowing a lesson from Iraq, and from his Immigration policy with Mexico, President for 22 Months More George W Bush has proposed the erection of a 6' concrete reinforced steel wall around Capitol Hill to contain Democrats and ot...
Ex-Spice girl dumps Eddie Murphy idea, names daughter after Larry Birkhead
London - (ReUterus): Ex-Spice Girl Melanie Brown has named her newborn baby daughter Angel Iris Birkhead after the Californian dad of maybe-baby heiress Dannielynn.
Abrahamic religion prophets 'all minnows' in Great Isis pantheon
Atlantis - (Cosmic Press): The World Council of Matriarchy issued a statement today saying that all Abrahamic religion prophets are gnostic tiddlers suffering from typical patriarchal neurosis syndrome that causes them to sell supernatural hogwash in...
Hogwarts Used J.K. Rowling as Recruiting Agent
J K Rowling has finely came out and admitted that she is actually working with the Wizarding world. When book seven is shipped a transport and de-aging device will be sent with each book. If the reader is eleven years old and above, he or she will be...
Corrupt Bastards Club and Juneau legislator Bruce Weyhrauch takes an icy tumble: Iranians not (yet) suspected
Anchorage, Alaska - (Ass Mess): Just what was it that prompted former Alaska state legislator Bruce Weyhrauch, 54, to take a dip on Monday in the icy wayers off Juneau's Auke Bay?...
The Zone Diet - It really works! says Karen Carpenter
With ringing endorsements from such A-list celebs as Karen Carpenter and Nicole Richie, the Zone diet, devised by Dr J Sears from the Institute for Tubby Losers, has taken the world by storm and, despite the high profile deaths of se...
Keira Knightley, Daniel Radcliffe sign up to American Idol
American Idol has signed up wafer-thin Brit Keira Knightley to star in a charity version of the show. Keira, who has been advised not to turn sideways on the stage, will be grinding out Thin Lizzy number "Ginger in the Jar", alongside Teri...
Severed Penis Served as "Cock au Vin"
Shocked diners in London today discovered that the carefully prepared meal in front of them was in fact another diner's severed penis.
Texans make better Godbotherers says Christ.
Yup, it seems that those good ole boys down Texas way have an edge over the rest of us when it comes to being a Christian.
Top Christian Spoof writer admits to coveting his neighbours goods.
Top rated reporter for TheSpoof.com Ned 'Jalapeno' Flanders suffered an eclesiastical breakdown this week when three other writers dared to question the existence of an after life.
Kryptonite Discovered- Superman Exists!
Kryptonite has been discovered in large quantities in a mine in Serbia to the delight of Superman fans, who now argue that the case for his existence has been proved.
Evil Monkey Behind Baldwin Leak!
According to an exclusive interview with Evil Monkey, Lola Thunder has determined who and what was behind the leaking of Alec Baldwin's angry rant.
Boris Yeltsin Left 'Lying In A State'
There was controversy in Moscow this morning over the treatment of the body of ex-Russian President Boris Yeltsin who died yesterday, aged 76.
The Jedi Petition The Spoof
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - London - Today, after finding that they were left out of the Holy War, the Jedi Knights, supported by Rev. Al Sharpton and Rev. Jesse Jackson, petitioned The Spoof for discrimination.
Holy War Has Cease Fire
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - TheSpoof.com -The Holy War between the Christians and the Pagans called a cease fire today when Crazy Cal Jennings offered to have a beer with Fergus McCarthy. Fearing for his Christian brethren, Crazy Cal made the bold move a...
Earth Day Annually Ignored By Millions
(NYC) - The umpteenth annual celebration of earth day was yesterday we are informed. Earth Day, started in 1969 as an environmental celebration and a day off of school, has lingered on as a day for aging hipppies to note on their certain decline to m...
McCartney wins leg in divorce settlement
Paul McCartney was today awarded Heather Mills' false leg as part of the divorce settlement.
Remaining Beatles to cover Mmmbop
The two remaining members of legendary pop band The Beatles will release a cover version of the Hanson song Mmmbop...
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