Spoof news stories from April 2007
There were 1,129 spoof news stories published in April 2007. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Shyamali Malakar, Sister of Sanjaya, Posts Nude Photos Too
First, Antonella Barba had nude pictures of herself posted on the internet that helped her survive on American Idol. Then, Alaina Alexander had nude pictures of her posted on the internet that have helped her boyfriend Chris stay in the top eight.
'Zack and Cody' star new spokesperson of Gillette
In a recent press conference, Dylan Sprouse excitedly revealed his new contract with Gillette, world-renown grooming products company.
Researchers identify gene affecting dog penis size
Scientists at the National Institutes of Health were baffled to find a breed of Chihuahua with a nine-inch penis and wondered why all the other breeds that they studied didn't have this evolutionary or man-made development.
Lindsay Lohan and Keira Knightley to Lock Lips in Lesbian Film
Lindsay Lohan and Kiera Knightley are set to play lesbian lovers in a 2008 film. Filmmakers are attempting to raise money to increase the salaries for the two lead actresses. Both stars have demanded $25 million each to do full frontal nudity and l...
FDA Bans Microwave Ovens As Harmful to Human Health
WASHINGTON (AP) - The US FDA has banned the use of microwave ovens since food which is heated in a microwave inevitably causes cancer as the molecular structure of the food, and even human blood is changed, FDA Chief Ralph Roachman said at a well-att...
Ismail Ax Riddle Solved in Virginia Tech Massacre
WASHINGTON D.C.--(ASSOCIATED PRESS) Two days after the massacre at Virginia Tech took place, many hundreds if not thousands have gone online to try to decipher the words tattooed on the right arm of the Korean student, turned mass murderer.
Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen Getting Boob Jobs
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA--(TEENS BEAT)The media misquoted us when we said, "Heaven KNOWS these Pair of Boobs need cosmetic surgery", Mary-Kate shrills and giggles "We didn't mean "NOSE" as i...
Alaina and Shyamali Post Second Round of Nude Photos
Just in time for another edition of American Idol, Shyamali Malakar (sister of Sanjaya) and Alaina Alexander (boyfriend of Chris) have posted another set of hot photos on their websites. Both did this in order to fulfill promises that the longer the...
Husband and Wife in '2-in-a-bed' sex romp
A married couple from Bilston in the West Midlands have been at the centre of a sensational sex scandal. The couple, both aged 39, have been sharing the same bed and 'making love' for 15 years!...
Actress Natalie Portman Comes Out of Closet, Admits Bi-Sexuality
Actress Natalie Portman came out of the closet and admitted that there is nothing wrong with making yourself available sexually to the "other half of the population."
Though she did not admit openly to having a relationship with another female, sh...
Hilary Duff Feels Pressure to be Thin
Actress, singer, and teen starlet Hilary Duff says that she feels pressure from the media and fans to stay thin, even with the mixed messages about current waif models. "Everyone expects me to be skinny and have my ribs sticking out, but at the...
Brand New Paris Hilton Sex Tape Shock! Worse Than the First.
It's been several weeks since lonely internet surfer, Jack Kilby, announced to the world that he didn't think 'One Night in Paris' was very good.
Britney Spears Learns Lesson in New Risque Photos
Britney Spears has finally learned her lesson. The pop tart was walking on a windy Hollywood street yesterday when a gust blew up her dress.
Photographers ans paparazzi quickly grabbed cameras and bystanders pointed cell phones at the actress/par...
Keira Knightley, Daniel Radcliffe sign up to American Idol
American Idol has signed up wafer-thin Brit Keira Knightley to star in a charity version of the show. Keira, who has been advised not to turn sideways on the stage, will be grinding out Thin Lizzy number "Ginger in the Jar", alongside Teri...
Club Masturbation Debuts In Japan
SHIBUYA, JAPAN-(KOGYARUGO DIGEST) Japan's answer to the spread of Aids has been solved by a new concept in social night club scene technology. Club Masturbation is a place where contraceptives are not needed or...
Prince William and Kate Middleton Breakup: A Hoax!
It appears that the press has a lot of egg on its face today after it was announced that the breakup between Prince William and Kate Middleton was just a prank.
Jessica Alba Tops Sex Poll Despite No Nude Pics
Jessica Alba today topped the fhm sexist woman poll despite never having been seen nude in her entire life by anyone."I like to buck the trend" said Jessica today "but I dont like to be seen buck naked."...
Cristiano Ronaldo to join Real Madrid?
The president of Real Madrid has declared C. Ronaldo as his main "50 million dollar summer target" in an attempt to win the next La Liga.
Haley Scarnato to Sue Blake Lewis Over American Idol Shorts Stitch-up
Hollywood, CA: Ousted American Idol contestant Haley Scarnato, who almost became famous for her ever-decreasing clothing as the show progressed, is to sue fellow contestant Blake Lewis for allegedly sabotaging her chances by deliberately mis-stitchin...
Britney, Paris, Lindsay Jealous of Success of Antonella, Alaina, and Shyamali
Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan are not happy. Lindsay, famous for her multiple nip-slips, is furious. Paris, famous for her sex tapes and wild lifestyle, is angry. Britney, famous for pictures of her exiting a limo without panties...
Duke, the Bush Bean dog, put to death
Duke, the famous talking dog from the Bush bean commercials, was put to sleep this morning after selling the company's secret family recipe to a competitor for an undisclosed price.
New Paris Hilton Autopsy Sculpture Unveiled
A new statue of Paris Hilton has been unveiled at a New York museum. In the statue, a naked Paris Hilton is laid out on a table with her inards exposed. The golden statue wears a tiara and her dog is on top of her, also in a tiara. The organs are...
Bollywood astrologers give verdicts for Aishwarya Rai and Abhishek Bachchan wedding
Mumbai - (Reuterus): As the sun moves into the sign of Taurus the Bull and mighty Saturn ends its baleful retrograde transit of Leo Bollywood is preparing for the wedding of the century as its two greatest stars, Aishwarya Rai and Abhishek Bachchan,...
Kate Middleton: "Wills was a complete sex addict!"
Kate Middleton has narrowly avoided becoming the next Princess Diana this week by finally breaking it off with boyfriend Prince William.
In an exclusive interview, Middleton revealed that their relationship could not continue because they are simp...
Rutgers Team Offers Opinion On Don Imus Controversy
The Rutgers University women's basketball team has finally opened their mouth's on the Don Imus controversy. After their loss in the national championship game to Tennessee, nationally syndicated radio DJ Imus referred to the women as "Nappy Headed...
Nude Kate Middleton shots to go under the hammer
London - (Ass Mess): In the ultimate two-fingers-up-yours gesture to Prince Wiliam and the Royal Family Kate Middleton is to auction nude pictures of herself next month.
Hollywood plans giant inflatable Anna Nicole Smith breasts tribute
Hollywood - (Ass Mess): Plans to erect a giant inflatable pair of breasts high above the 'Hollywood' sign in the celebrated California hills were announced today.
NRA woos 1944 Miss America Venus Ramey
Waynesburg, Kentucky - (Ass Mess): The National Riflemen's Association is seeking to recruit 82 year old Venus Ramey -who won the 1944 Miss America contest - as the NRA's latest pin-up following her spectacular tackle of suspected thieves at...
Japanese movie star Maiko Kawakami bought poodle that was a sheep
Tokyo - (Ass mess): Ewe've been had! The entertainment industry press is having a good laugh today amid reports that one of Japan's top movie stars Maiko Kawakami was so dumb that she couldn't tell the diference between a lamb and a pedgr...
Anna Nicole Smith Diaries For Sale On E-Bay
Two diaries written by Anna Nicole Smith will be auctioned off on E-Bay, with a reserve price set at $25,000 each. Both were listed for sale in a private auction, but none met the minimum price. The auction house felt that it was because all of the...
Quarterback Michael Vick In Trouble For Dog Fighting
Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick is in trouble again. Police raided his home in a search for drugs and discovered 66 pit bulls used for dog fighting and all of the associated equipment and tools. Vick denied knowledge of the animals or the...
Lisa Nowak: My International Space Station Bondage Hell
Orlando, Florida - (Ass Mess): A NASA random search of Lisa Nowak's International Space Station locker found hundreds of bondage pictures featuring the love-tug astronut and her sex threesome partners Colleen Shipman and Commander Bill Old-Feline...
New Planet Discovered Hovering Near Solar System
A new planet that could rival Earth, has been discovered near the edge of the solar system. The new planet is said to be quite good and looks a lot better than our own dying world.
Ghost of Elvis appears on American Idol -- demands duet with Sanjaya
Hollywood, California - Wednesday night millions of American Idol fans tuned in to find Celine Dion singing with a computer enhanced image of Elvis, when they were actually witnessing the ghost of Elvis himself.
Heather Mills-McCartney has prosthetic vagina fitted following dance accident!
Beleaguered ex strumpet and former Beatle wife, Heather Mills is said to be in a stable condition following an accident on Dancing with Stars yesterday.
Prince William/Kate Middleton - Her Name Was "Too Short" Says Mail On Sunday
"She may have been a looker, but her name wasn't long enough."...
Nintendo Propose Solution to Wii Keyboard
Since Nintendo released the Opera browser for their Wii console, the Wii community has been on tenterhooks as to whether there will be a keyboard released for the Wii to ease Internet browsing.
Harry Potter star Radcliffe dumped as Equus show bombs
London - (Ass Mess): The West End stage show Equus is closing early in June and leading actor Daniel Radcliffe has been dumped after audiences said that the sex scenes were faked.
No More Fun At The Palace For Kate Middleton's Pussy
The people of Britain have woken up today to news so devastating that it could signal the end of these great Islands for ever.
Remaining Beatles to cover Mmmbop
The two remaining members of legendary pop band The Beatles will release a cover version of the Hanson song Mmmbop...
Bollywood Stars' Multi Million Dollar Wedding
Bollywood heartthrob Abhishek Bachchan and top actress Aishwarya Rai were married yesterday in a ceremony that brought most of Mumbai to a standstill.
Aston Villa To Be Relegated For Being Boring
In an astonishing move this morning, the Football Association has decided that, at the end of the season, Aston Villa will be relegated from the Premier League, whatever their finishing position in the table.
George W Bush Signs WWE Deal
George W. Bush has defied the critics by deciding to continue to work after his Presidency expires by signing a professional wrestling contract with the WWE.
Richard Geres penis burnt by Indian!
Angry crowds in several Indian cities burned effigies of Richard Geres penis, a day after he swept up Celebrity Big Brother winner Shilpa Shetty in his arms and kissed her several times during an Aids-awareness event.
Prince William And Kate Middleton Pack Each Other In
Kate Middleton, the girlfriend of Prince William, is, this morning, no longer the girlfriend of Prince William. The pair have packed each other in.
Michael Jordan Divorce to be Costliest Ever
Michael Jordan's divorce settlement will easily bypass Paul McCartney's as the costliest of all times. In addition to large amounts of money, alimony, child support, homes, cars, clothes, and jewelry, the soon to be ex Mrs. Jordan is seeking...
Britney Spears Latest Rants Caught On Tape
Britney Spear's latest rants were caught on tape by reporters from Seventeen Magazine. Following is a transcript of that rant:
"Let's talk about Kevin, okay? Kevin, is, I mean, you know, he's kind of, well, you know how he is, right? He's just...
Britney Spears To Record Duet With Idol's Sanjaya Malakar
Pop tart Britney Spears has invited American Idol castoff Sanjaya Malakar to her Hollywood recording studio to record an album. Sanjaya, most famous for his wierd hair styles, and Spears, most recently famous for her lack of hair, both have question...
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Marry In Secret Wedding
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie secretly married this weekend in a secret wedding somewhere in Africa. No details are known of the ceremony, except that the children that they have adopted from 167 different countries all served as bridesmaids, groomsm...
"Women Don't Belong In British Army" - Claim
Claims made in a British national newspaper that women do not belong in the Armed Forces have angered some high-ranking British Army officials.
Birkhead asks Judge Larry Seidlin to be Dannielynn's godfather
Nassau, Bahamas - (Ass Mess): Jubilant Dannielynn dad Larry Birkhead is to ask Florida Judge Larry Seidlin, who ruled in Anna Nicole Smith's burial last month, to be the baby's godfather.
Faye Turney Forced to Watch "Videos"
Millionaire sailor Faye Turney has revealed how she was separated from her colleagues, forced to strip to her panties and stockings and sleep on a small King Charles Spaniel during her "nightmare in Tehran".
Harry Potter to be Killed off in Book Seven
The release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is on July 21, 2007. An employee from the book's publishers has leaked to the press that the book will end in a big disaster. The two characters the J. K Rowling wants to kill off are Harry Pott...
The Corrs naked truth.
Ireland's sexiest siblings have signed a multi million dollar deal with Hugh Hefner's Playboy to pose naked together in what is already being widely tipped to be one of the biggest selling issues in the history of the magazine.
Wiccans send letter to Pope asking for holiday back.
Vatican City- Today the Pope was shocked to recieve a letter from the Wiccans who usually keep to themselves. He was even more shocked when he opened it. Inside was a single page with but one paragraph on it.
IMUS Down With Nappy Hoes!
Radio host Don Imus called the Rutgers University women's basketball team "nappy headed hos" on his nationally syndicated program.
Earth Day Annually Ignored By Millions
(NYC) - The umpteenth annual celebration of earth day was yesterday we are informed. Earth Day, started in 1969 as an environmental celebration and a day off of school, has lingered on as a day for aging hipppies to note on their certain decline to m...
Roger Ebert Frightens Many At Overlooked Film Festival
CHICAGO, ILLINOISE-(FANGORIA) A decision to bravely face the world can sometimes NOT get the appropriate reception originally perceived. That was the dilemma facing long time tv host of PBS "At The Movies" /Chicago Sun Time...
Richard Gere Lets Shilpa Shetty Kiss Him - Hollywood Meets Bollywood Trouble
(Mumbai) Former Hollywood heart-throb Richard Gere has landed himself in hot water after being accused of "insulting Indian culture".
Girls Gone Wild - Starphux Coffee Bar Opens In Hawaii
WAIPAHU, HAWAII--(ROASTED) From the beautiful islands of Hawaii, with their dramatic sunsets, active volcanoes, ocean surf, Diamond head and brazen copper wire theft, will hold the grand opening of the first Starphux Coffee B...
Peter Andre Brain Scan- No Worries for Jordan
Katie Price has returned home from hospital today after doctors advised her that Peter Andre's brain scan showed no chance of any brain damage- in fact they failed to detect a brain at all.
Nostradamus Predicted Sanjaya Malakar American Idol Winner!
Famed Nostradamus scholar, Dr. Bernard Woolybottom, has revealed that Nostradamus predicted Sanjaya Malakar as the winner of American Idol 2007.
Camilla Pose Raises Eyebrows In Weird New Royal Family Portrait
The wife of Prince Charles, Camilla Barker-Powles, appears semi-naked in the new Royal Family photograph by Sergei Pavlenko, which can be seen at the Royal Society of Portrait Painters exhibition from today.
Rolf to Paint Queen Nude
Rolf Harris was today announced as the artist who will paint the nude portrait of HRH Queen Elizabeth.
Global Warming may Ease Energy Crisis
Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Reinvention (MIR) are claiming that the threat of Global Warming also holds the promise of unlimited free electrical energy. Their solution is found in the production of electricity directly from the Eart...
Manchester United Disqualified From Champions League, Roma Through to Semi's
Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson, has dubbed the 7-1 thrashing of Roma at Old Trafford as 'The best night of European football we've had here" and few Man U fans would disagree. However, it seems UEFA is not amused.
Dana Altman Quits As Arkansas Razorbacks Basketball Coach After One Day
Dana Altman resigned as the head basketball coach to take the multi-million dollar a year job running the hoops program at the University of Arkansas. One day later, he quit and returned to his lower paying job at Creighton.
Prince William/Kate Middleton Divorce Latest
There was a new development in the Prince William/Kate Middleton divorce row today, when it emerged that the intended Princess had been seeing another man. Whooaaaa...
Earth-like Planet Thought to Be Discovered
CCN - Space - Today, Scientists, using the Hubble Telescope, thought that they had discovered an Earth-like planet only 50 light years away. They immediately started doing calculation on how long it would take a flight to get from Earth to the new p...
Plague Of Alien Fruit Bats Heading For Earth
Astronomers have sighted a huge swarm of alien fruit bats heading for Earth. The bats, three miles long and weighing up to five tonnes, were first spotted only last night by boffins using telescopes made from high-energy plasma and sellotape at the J...
Drug War Extended to Catnip
Drug warriors scored a victory after the 2006 U.S. elections when they hurriedly extended the War on Drugs to a psychoactive substance previously exempt: nepetalactone, the main psychoactive ingredient in catnip. It is well known that the sniffing of...
Kate Middleton: My gay heartbreak
London - (Ass Mess): Kate Middleton has spoken for the first time since signing an exclusive £500,000 kiss-and-tell about the loneliness of the last two years.
Alberto Gonzales Called A Greasy Wetback
WASHINGTON D.C.--(NOBSDCNOOZ) Attorney General Alberto Gonzales insisted yesterday he had only a small role in the dismissal of eight federal prosecutors. Disbelieving senators reacted calling the Attorney General a "gre...
Billie Piper - Going Back To The Tardis!
In a shock announcement from the Doctor Who prduction office, it has been revealed that Billie Piper is to return to the programme AS THE DOCTOR!...
Britney Spears Explains Shaved Head
CCN - Hollywood - Today, in an interview, Britney Spears explained the real reason she shaved her head. Said Britney, "My idol is Sinéad O'Connor, and I hate the Pope too."...
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
J.K. Rowling's laptop has been intercepted by a TheSpoof.com source with details on the final installment of the Harry Potter Stories the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
Rosie O'Donnell Poses Nude
(AP) New York, NY -- O'Donnell Figurine Hits Skeptical Market The 45 year old star of A League of Their Own, a day time talk show and most recently The View, has decided to shed her moo-moo and let it all hang o...
Sanjaya Accepts Job Offer To Raise Money To Get Mom Out of Jail
Sanjaya Malakar, faced with mounting legal bills for his mother and sister, has accepted a job offer from The Helen of Troy corporation. Sanjaya will begin modelling wigs for the company beginning immediately.
Put a Tamil Tiger in your tank
London - (Rotters): Sri Lankan rebel Tamil Tigers are being blamed for a bank card cloning scam targetting motorists across the UK.
Kate Middleton: the day I found out I'd never be Queen
London - (Ass Mess): Kate Middleton has confided in her close-nit (sic) circle of friends that it was well over a year ago that Buckingham Palace courtiers told her that she would never be Queen.
Welsh Nationalists' outrage at German sheep-shagging prosecution
Port Talbot - (ReUterus): Plaid Cymru offcials are up in arms over German prosecutors charging a 44 year old Turkish national with animal cruelty after her was caught on video shagging a flock of sheep in the Wiesbaden area.
Tsunami fears as earthquake hits UK
Kent - (Ass Mess): Large parts of coastal South East Britain were put on Tsunami alert after an earthquake struck Kent at breakfast time this morning.
Johnny Cash House Gutted By Barry Gibb
The lakeside Tennessee home of late country music superstar Johnny Cash has been destroyed in a fire.
Oxford Lose Boat Race After Iran Captures Crew
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has defended the capture of the Oxford Boat during the annual race with Cambridge stating the boat was "clearly within Iranian waters".
Google Succeeds in Building Elevator to the Moon
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Earth - Today, Google announced that they have succeeded in creating an elevator to the moon.
"Quit Shmit - There's Nothing Unhealthy About Smoking"
(AP) Pittsburgh, PA -- Local Doctor Reveals Truth About HealthScare. Dr. Armand Kowapalski made an astonishing announcement today to the Surgeon General, FDA, and local reporters. "Not only is it okay to smoke - it's also h...
Can Spinal Tap save Al Gore's ass?
New York - (Rotters): Legendary 80s spoof band Spinal Tap are set to reinvigorate Al Gore's flagging determination to get as much attention as possible by reinventing himself as a global eco warrior whose date with destiny lies in the 2008 White...
David Blaine's Next Stunt: Eaten Alive!
(New York) David Blaine, known for his unique style of street magic and outrageous, death-defying stunts, has planned his next big attraction which he is calling "Eaten Alive."...
American Idol to Drop Most Contestants and Bring Back Last Twelve Hotties
In a surprise move, American Idol has dropped all but two of their current finalists and invited back the last ten cut attractive female contestants. They have also announced a cooperative marketing deal with Hugh Hefner and the Playboy empire.
S...
CBS Radio/MCNBC admit being duped by Political Action Group in Imus firing
NEW YORK - It was just confirmed that the PAC group, Media Matters, had in fact orchestrated the firing of Don Imus from CBS Radio & MSNBC. Media Matters is a 501(c) political action group, the same kind of group that went after John Kerry with thei...
Zero Premium Life Policy Launched in West Virginia
Wheeling,WV (AP) The long awaited launch of the latest type of life insurance has finally arrived. This morning, at Wheeling Elementary School, Fifth grader Janet Sutton made the announcement.
Canadian couch charged with racism
QUEBEC, CANADA--A rather large couch in Canada has been charged with racism and violation of hate speech laws after a label discovered on the bottom of a seat cushion was revealed to read the colour of the couch was "nigger brown."...
Brad Pitt to audition for Larry Birkhead role in Dannielynn the Movie
Nassau, Bahamas - (ReUterus): A consortium of movie backers is wooing Hollywood hunk Brad Pitt to audition for the lead role of Larry Birkhead in the forthcoming film Dannielynn the Movie.
Westminster Kennel Club to sponsor dog shows like you've never seen before; dogs judged on shape and size of the penis
The Westminster Kennel Club which was founded in 1877 in North America has announced new criteria for judging canine conurbation. Now that scientists have discovered a gene affecting dog penis size, the WKC is adopting new standards.
Who Is Gay Daughter's Baby's Father? Dick Cheney, Howard K Stern, Larry Birkhead - Angelina Jolie to Adopt!
(Hollyweird) -- A media circus worthy of Anna Nicole Smith, but in a B cup, has come to tinseltown as lawyer turned gigolo Howard K Stern and photographer turned billionaire daddy Larry Burkhead challenge Vice President turned fag hag B A Dick Cheney...
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin: The New Spider-Man in the 2009 flick "Spider-Man 4"
Director Sam Raimi and Marvel/Spider-Man creator Stan Lee are currently in talks with Columbia Pictures and first movie script writer David Koepp about making a fourth movie. However, if such a thing is to happen, leading actor Tobey Maguire will not...
U2's Larry Mullen Jr to join the Corrs.
Hardcore U2 fans around the world left reeling by the news that Larry Mullen Jr was considering leaving the band after a fallout with 'Sir Bono' will be devastated by the news that the want away drummer has accepted an offer to join sultry si...
Paul Wolfowitz Arrested For TMFP
Washington Toast - Paul Wolfowitz, President of the World Bank, former under Secretary of Defense and architect of the Iraq war, was arrested today by D.C. police for what was called: TMFP; or more colloquially known as, 'Taking money from the po...
Ku Klux Klan Member to Spend Summer Working on Tan
Brinford, SC - A high-ranking member of the Ku Klux Klan (KKK) announced to his wife today that he would be spending the summer working on his tan.
Angelina Jolie Adopts Virginia Tech, Madonna Pissed, Bono To Play Rutgers Team, HRH Harry, Wills, Pope Expected
(Blacksburg, VA) -- United Nations Envoy for Children, Refugees, & Lip Gloss Angelina Jolie, never one to shy from the glare of the media spotlight, has adopted the entire student body of Virginia Tech. Madonna, pop star and celebrity adopter, expr...
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