Spoof news stories from March 2006
There were 105 spoof news stories published in March 2006. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Soprano-Corleone Mob Wars Claim More Lives.
Anthony Soprano Jr., son of alleged Mafia boss Tony Soprano, was found dead last night, outside his family's home. There has been no official word yet on the cause of death, so natural causes cannot be ruled out, but some witnesses reported seeing a...
London 2012 Olympics Get New Medals
When the Olympic Games arrive in London in 2012, there will be some changes to the medal system - a tradition carried on since the age of the original Greek Olympics.
Katherine Harris declared Best Female Parody of 2006
Rep. Katherine Harris who recently declared she would spend all her liquid assets to secure a seat in the U.S. Senate, was today declared Best Female Parody of 2006 by the Parody Writers Association of America (PWAA).
Trey Parker And Matt Stone Quit South Park Over Offensive Episode
Trey Parker and Matt Stone have confirmed they are to leave South Park - the controversial cartoon series they created, write and star in - after objecting to the "gratuitously sick, twisted" way a recent episode depicted the Pope and Roman...
Michael Jackson To Make Cameo In New Planet Of The Apes Film.
Planet of the Apes confirmed today for a 2008 relese date! None of the cast members have been chosen for any parts so far except one, Michael Jackson has been offered a 15 min Cameo in which he will play one of the apes called Francis John and...
Maxi Pad Wrestling Seeks National Support
USA Wrestling has announced today that they will seek approval to add Maxi Pad Wrestling to their competition format.
Laura Bush pregnant?
Washington DC, USA; Saturday 25 March 2006 -(ReUterus & Associated Mess) - Despite a feverish guessing game in the international media, the White House is reportedly "keeping mum" today on the hot topic of whether First Lady Laura Bus...
Vin Diesel tricked into running for president in 2008
A website urging Vin Diesel to run for president, purportedly set up as a joke, has unintendedly caused the action star to take up the challenge.
Cocaine Kate and the Tale of the Egg
While being prescribed some medication recently, my doctor told me to be careful of my liver. I don't see what the big deal is. If it conks out, I can simply get a new one. That's what celebrities do. Larry Hagman is on his 2nd or 3rd liver a...
"Trooper Thorn" to Quit Ring, Leave Country.
Prizefighter Sean "Trooper Thorn" Thornton announced his decision to give up boxing and leave the country today. The Pittsburgh area boxer announced his intentions shortly after a bout with fighter Tony Gardello, who was killed in a freak accident du...
Chief O'Hara to be Named Deputy Secretary of Homeland Security.
After the accidental firing of Department of Homeland Security Deputy Secretary Michael P. Jackson, who is not, as the White House learned yesterday, the same person as musician Michael Jackson, President Bush has announced that he is considering for...
God considering legal action over Blair invasion claim
The British Government was last night reported to be engaged in last ditch attempts to avert a diplomatic crisis between Heaven and 10 Downing street following claims by British Prime Minister Tony Blair that God himself had personally ordered the li...
Sexual Tension Between Rice And Straw Reaches Fever Pitch
(AP)- 31/03/06 - US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has arrived in Liverpool at the start of a two-day trip to the north-west of England. She was met last night at John Lennon Airport by the smouldering gaze of smitten UK Foreign Secretary...
Dubai Sports World To Run US Sports Operations
Dubai Sports World, a UAE state owned sports operator, has bought the rights to run several sports operations inside the US , including Major League Baseball, the NFL and the NBA.
Chat Room Couple Call It Quits
Jamie Cybermill, a New York City resident, has asked her husband 'Texas-Bob', a Houston Texas resident, for a divorce after 10 years of living together in an internet chat room - without ever seeing each other face to face.
Sadam considering legal action against Osama Bin Laden over Bush Jibe.
Former President of Iraq Sadam Hussain was in tears last night as details of latest audiotaped message from al-Qaida chief Osama bin Laden was leaked to him by a friendly American GI. In the tape Osama compared Bush to Sadam Hussain and called both o...
Christ Dominates Disciples' Bracket Pool
JERUSALEM - Jesus Christ, the son of God and knower of all things, is dominating this year's disciples' NCAA bracket pool, reports disciple Simon, who is called Peter.
"Dan Brown Stole My Code", Claims da Vinci
Artist and revolutionary polymath Leonardo da Vinci has sensationally claimed that best selling author Dan Brown stole the idea of the code at the centre of his best selling book, The da Vinci Code, from him.
US Forgetting How to Operate Its Nuclear Missiles
WASHINGTON (AP)-The Pentagon is running out of scientists and engineers who know how to operate and repair America's intercontinental nuclear and conventional missiles, according to the Defense Urgency Maintenance Board (DUMB).
American Idol star US Military's "Secret Weapon"
Popular "American Idol" star Taylor Hicks has been missing on that show's off-days lately - and The Spoof! has obtained the inside scoop.
My Sparkling Wit Is Wasted On Supermarket Check-out Girls
Points Of View Gregory Fensworth - A Very Witty Person
Why do I continue to kid myself? These check-out girls will never appreciate my wit. Why should I go to the bother of composing sumptuously ingenious puns when they are destined to fall on such uncultured, irony-deaf ears?...
Pentagon Plans "Cyberbug" Warrior and Spy Army
THE PENTAGON--The Pentagon's defense scientists are busy trying to harness insects to create an army of "cyberbugs" that can be remotely controlled by the military to attack the many enemies of America, as well as locate explosives and relay spy...
Monty Python Upsets Harry Potter
In a stunning electoral upset, the small burrough of Nowherecester, Rutland has, for the first time in British history, elected a non-existant person to represent them in Parliament.
Saddam Hussein Voted World's Sexiest Ex-Statesman
It seems the women of the world have fallen for the ex-Iraqi president. In a closely fought, neck and neck contest with runner-up George Bush Snr, Saddam has emerged the winner of this year's "World's Sexiest Ex-Statesman" contest by a mere 3 vo...
Jesus breaks silence on Kanye West
After months of simple "No comments," Jesus has officially commented on the Rolling Stone magazine cover upon which writer/producer/rapper Kanye West is portrayed as Him.
"There's so much more going on in the world worth my attention - hurricanes, tsunamis, earthquakes, nukes in North Korea and Iran, the Iraq War, bird flu, and Brad/Angelina - but all anyone ever wants to...
President Assures Public Everything is Great, Attempts Joke.
President Bush held a press conference this afternoon to tell the American people that there are no problems and everything is just fine despite assertions in the media to the contrary.
Doping to be allowed at Olympic Games
In response to sagging television ratings and decreased interest, the International Olympic Committee has decided to allow athletes the use of performance-enhancing drugs and has abandoned all urine and blood analysis.
Dear Victim:
The economic and financial crimes commission (EFCC) Nigeria was set up in the year 2000 to investigate all cases of Advanced Fee Fraud (419) and bring all offenders to criminal justice.
Due to ease in which fraudsters perpetuate their activities and the difficulties we have in tracking down this fraudsters, we are calling on all victims of Advanced Fee Fraud to help with their cases against...
Scientist discover why Blondes are "Dumb"
Hollywood, Ca. - Scientist's have completed an amazing tri-city study to determine, what they are calling "The Dumbness Factor" inherent in blondes.
New Videotape Shows Mascot Hostages Alive - Ronald McDonald Missing
BAGHDAD, Iraq - Arab television yesterday broadcast a new videotape Tuesday showing three of the four American corporate mascots, Fido Dido, Uncle Ben and the Energiser Bunny who were taken hostage in Iraq last year. However, the fourth - Ronald McDo...
Castro to Bush: "What am I, chopped liver?"
In a recent intense seven hour speech, Cuban president Fidel Castro complained bitterly that President Bush had been ignoring him lately in favour of "dictators of the moment" such as Saddam Hussein and Kim Jong Il and "wannabe rogue n...
Cherie lectures Aryan Brotherhood chapter of Skull 'N' Bones
Tampax, Florida - Wednesday 15 March 2006 - (Associated Mess): Amid scenes of unprecedented thunderous applause and public etoilation, Cherry Bush QC earned yet another well-deserved standing ovation and multi-million dollar pay cheque last night...
Bush Promises Free Lunches For All
Washington, D.C. -- Reversing a longstanding metaphor from economics, George W. Bush, on Friday, said that there actually is such a thing as a free lunch. Under his economic plan, nobody has to pay taxes, our nation doesn't have to export an...
Saddam Hussein Voted Sexiest Dictator Ever
He may be facing certain execution but fallen Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein has now at least something to celebrate. Readers of Cosmopolitan magazine, the majority women with some gay men, have voted the deposed despot the sexiest dictator of all time.
Jon Stewart's "America" Not Real Civics Textbook.
A high school civics teacher from upstate New York has announced that he will no longer be using Jon Stewart's "America (The Book)" as a primary textbook for students.
China Looks to enter Automotive Market.
Beijing, P.R.C. -- (Consumer Inquiry) First Japan, then Korea, now yet another emerging economic powerhouse wants to get into the act of keeping the go-go West on the go-go. No longer content with mass producing foreign inspired, low-priced, easy-to...
George Bush Feels Threatened As Milla Jovovich Kicks Republican Ass in ‘Ultraviolet'
WASHINGTON (Reuters)-President George W. Bush has denounced the brilliant and action-packed new movie "Ultraviolet" starring Milla Jovovich as "a kick in the ass for my Republican Administration."...
Microsoft Firewall Falls
The famous technology-developing company Microsoft face utter and total humiliation today, following the collapse of their firewall.
Bush Approval Rating Drops To 4%
The approval rating of President George W. Bush has dropped to 4%. Reliable sources at the White House vigorously defend this recent drop, pointing to the 5% margin for error, suggesting that his approval rating may climb up to 9%. Whoopee!...
Reporter Curiously Unable to Find Disloyal Catholic for Comment.
10-year reporter Jack Miller, a well-known journalist with a solid reputation for tracking down useful quotes, was found in a state of shock and confusion this morning, claiming that he had been unable to find a disloyal Catholic to quote on a story he was doing about a church closing in the Archdiocese of Boston.
“I just don’t get it” Miller is reported to have said. “Every time anything...
New Winter Olympic Sports For 2010
After a slightly dull and boring Winter Olympics have just finished in Turin, Italy, Olympic officials have decided that when they return in 2010 in Vancouver, the Winter Olympics will be made much, much better.
President finally gets Iraq War pun
White House sources are saying that much to the annoyance of those around him, President Bush has been seen loudly chuckling to himself for the past two weeks after finally getting a pun that originated three years ago around the time of the invasion...
UAE / Al Qaeda Connection Gives Port Security A Needed Lift
White House spokesman Scott McClellan was asked at today's press briefing if he felt that 'Dubai Ports World's' recent takeover of several U.S. port operations was a matter of concern, considering the company is controlled by the ruli...
Bush and Cheney Undergo Extreme Makeovers
WASHINGTON (UPI-President George Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney have undergone extreme makeovers by world class cosmetic consultants to change their public images on the advice of White House advisor Karl Rove.
Satan Changes PR Company
Hewson, Mathias and Welling have been dropped by Satan as PR representatives, we can exclusively reveal. For sometime now, the evil brand has been shown in a bad light, with rumours of people being prodded by pitchforks and even suffering burns in the eternal fires during their stays. But, as CEO Satan himself announced yesterday, now they have had enough.
“We cannot go on putting up with...
Fox To Overhaul Popular Hannity And Colmes Program
New York City, March 25 - The Fox News Channel has announced that it will roll out a new version of its successful political commentary show "Hannity and Colmes", in time for the fall season. Fox's program director Ronald Walker said the show had tak...
Decongestion discharge worries for Mayor Livingstone
London, Thursday 30 March 2006 - (Associated Mess): The latest round of formal diplomatic pleasantries between London Mayor Ken 'Red Ken' Livingstone and US Ambassador to the Court of St James's Mr Bill Swift-Tuttle entered an unpreceden...
Local Thug Not Really 'From the Streets'
Waltham, Mass. March 26 - Theodore Weingarden, known to the Bentley college community simply as "Cisco", left campus on Thursday amid a public outcry over events that occurred this past weekend on visitor's day.
Bush Declares Barbary Pirates Newest Members of "Axis of Evil".
In a public statement which experts have anticipated for over a week, President Bush revealed that his administration considers the Barbary Pirates to be a grave threat to world peace and American security. "These unprincipled terrorists have no resp...
Natalie Portman Is Ticked
London and the Village---Angry that she is no longer reigning glamorously triumphant as Queen Padme Amidala in a Hollywood forum of convenience or even consulted in a significant way about the fate of the Universe at large, Natalie Portman has decide...
UK corruption inquiry: cops say Tories loaned millions to Tony Blur
London, Wednesday 29 March 2004 - [Pravda]: Officers investigating the UK loans for peerages fiasco that has embroiled the Labour Party are now probing reports that the Conservative Party has been its main lending source for the last forty years.
Iraqi Violence, British Heist, Seems Like Halloween
Police uniforms in the UK and in Iraq have taken on a new look recently, as British police officers have begun to dress up like bandits while Iraqi security forces are disguising themselves as masked insurgents.
White House to knock down left wing, build new right wing
In an unprecedented move for a second term president, the Bush administration today announced plans to knock down the left wing of the White House and build a new right wing.
Iraq / Viet Nam War Drags On
Salah Ad-Din / Quang Tri Province (AP) -- Early this morning elements of the United States 101st Airborne Division's 3rd Brigade Combat Team and the Iraqi / ARVN Army's 1st Brigade attacked various Iraqi insurgent / Viet Cong positions during...
The road to Wrestlemania
Vince is going to in a tag team match with HBK and Marty Jennety at wrestlemania. Vince is supposed to pick a surprise Partner for this match. When asked about his partner He said "I can guarantee that my partner will join the kiss my ass club in the...
Bush sells White House to Foreign Investors
Washington, DC - If they only knew… Jackie "O" would roll over her grave, Nancy Reagan would demand to have her dishes back, and the ghost in the Lincoln bedroom would pack her sheets and look for a better place to haunt. Why? Because the unthinkab...
Bush's New Iraq Strategy: Send Dick Cheney
Washington, D.C. -- The Bush Administration is facing a quandary. With an all-volunteer army… nobody is signing up to take the place of the 2,300 US soldiers already killed in Iraq. A secret pentagon study predicts that by this time next y...
Microsoft Pours Water On $100 PC - Creates Unrest
WASHINGTON DC (Reuters) -- Microsoft and government employees attending the Government Leaders Forum thursday reacted in fear when their boss Bill Gates, the world's richest man ridiculed MIT's efforts to build a $100 laptop for developin...
Vatican Demands Celibacy in New Priest Doctrine
The Vatican has attempted to pacify gay rights groups, it was claimed today, by bravely reiterating its stand against sexually active heterosexuals joining the priesthood, in a draft doctrinal paper approved by the Pope, presented in Rome earlier tod...
Lion's Gate Announces New Collector's DVD Releases
Special Edition, Director's Cut and Unrated DVD releases of popular films have been a staple on video store shelves for the last few years. Lately (more specifically, since the release of the Extended versions of Peter Jackson's "Lord of the Rings" t...
Chicken shocker.
In a surprise move, KFC has declared a switch from all things chicken to squirrel. Announcing the move last night, KFC CEO, R Sole, said: ‘This bird flu lark has really pissed us off. We have never shirked from selling diseased fried bird carcasses,...
Osama Bin Robertson?
News peoples around the world were stunned - well, not stunned, but surprised - moderately - by the stunning news from the Justice Department that audio analysis of several audio tapes confirms the rumors - Osama bin Laden and Pat Robertson are the s...
Diana was "ill-conceived and ill-executed"
London, 24 March 2006 - (ReUterus & Associated Mess) - An All-Party Committee of MPs has published the findings of its seminal report into the disaster-struck House of Mountbatten which states that the late Diana, Princess of Wales was ill-conceived...
Gordon the Gopher seeks Revenge.
Gordon the gopher who first came to fame in the program GOING LIVE last month came out and told us about his tragic life.
Tide of Mersey tears causes ripples in Rome
Mr. Socks, a recently deceased three-year old Tabby Cat, today took another step closer to becoming not just the first feline saint, but the holy figure with the shortest recorded gap between death and inauguration by the pope.
Congress Declares President Bush a "Non-Entity"
President Bush "phased out of existence" last Thursday after both houses of Congress voted to "phase President Bush out of existence". Now little more than a wisp of a memory of a distant recollection, Bush, for all practical pu...
Is President Bush Seeking Impeachment?
The world media concluded that President George W. Bush is really seeking an early way out of the White House through impeachment. He never wanted a second term. Diebold voting machines in Ohio forced it on him, giving him four more years away from C...
Dick Wolf Indicted on 26 Counts of Conspiracy to Commit Murder.
Well-known television producer Dick Wolf, creator of the long-running TV drama "Law & Order", has been indicted on numerous felony charges, among them 26 counts of conspiracy to commit murder.
Canadian Supreme Court Approves Automatic Weapons In High School Classes
Ottawa, Canada -- Just one day after the brilliant decision to permit Sikh high school students to carry razor-sharp daggers called "kirpans" in class, the High Court handed down another watershed decision.
America For the Americanos
Hugo Chavez, current president of Venezuela and Cuba, hopes to make it three in-a-row as he started off his US presidential campaign with a huge rally in Detroit last night. Having attracted thousands of hard working, flag waving families to Cobo Are...
Bush finally comes clean with America
WASHINGTON DC (Associated Mess) - President Bush, in a rare surprise visit to the House Of Representatives on Wednesday, physically got down on his hands and knees, begging Congress to approve billions of dollars for his well-healed corporate benefac...
Era of mismatched cop buddies now just two days from retirement
Recent figures from the National Office of Statistics are set to confirm the worst fears of the Home Office and afficionado's of generic 80's cop movies across the UK today: mismatched partnerships are no longer working in Britains police for...
Republicans in Congress Deny Any Knowledge of George Bush
WASHINGTON (AP)-Republican members of the Senate and the House of Representatives in Congress are denying that they have any knowledge of President George Bush, or that they ever knew the man.
Christians trademark Savior's name
THE HAGUE, NETHERLANDS - In a first for property-use rights, a group of Christian ministers have filed with the World Court to trademark the name of their deity. Organizers say the move requires the payment of royalties each time "Jesus®" is spoken.
Republican Party to President Bush: "It's not you, it's me"
WASHINGTON DC - Early Monday morning, the Republican Party dumped President Bush by leaving a short voice mail on his Oval Office phone line.
Radical Muslim Cleric In Trouble Over Sep 11 Denial
Radical Muslim Cleric, Rasheed Al-Roudali, could find himself in front of an International Criminal Court over remarks he made concerning the authenticity of the September 11 Al-Qaeda terrorist attacks on the World Trade Centre towers in 2001.
Pretty in Pink
Alicia "Batgirl" Silverstone, last seen on short lived "Miss Match" with Ryan O Neil, is returning to TV. This time in the sit com "Pink Collar". It's a 'single camera comedy', which doesn't mean much, ex...
Congress orders Dick Cheney Deactivated.
After a lengthy and heated debate in both houses of Congress, legislation has been passed that requires the executive branch to deactivate Dick Cheney after a February hunting accident in which long time Republican Party donor and all-around angry lo...
Poll numbers not good for Barney and Mss Beazley
A recent poll shows approval ratings for President Bush's two Scottish Terriers to be at all-time lows, with Barney tipping the scale at a scant 11.1 percent.
Conservative Republicans Ask "Where are Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter Now That We Need Them?"
WASHINGTON (UPI)-Conservative Republicans in Congress are actively rebelling against their lame-duck American President George Bush, not just by teaming up with Democrats and overturning the Dubai deal that would've handed American ports over to Al-Q...
Hellfire Club loans financed erection of Diana Fountain
Buckingham Palace, London - Monday 20 March 2006 - (Associated Mess): The UK is embroiled in a new loans fiasco today as news broke that the erection of the disastrous Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fountain in London's Hype Park was finan...
Juggling Dubious Politics In The Jugular Vein
Any Safe Port In A Nasty Political Storm---An investigative journalist for the National Inquisitor and the Starry Globe has unearthed the ultra secret reasons for the rejection of the Dubai world ports deal by the U.S. Congress.
Roger Ebert's estranged brother wants in on the act.
After a decades-long commitment due to losing an adolescent battle with a virulent form of Tourette's syndrome, Roger Ebert's heretofore unheard of twin, Egbert Ebert, is out on a work release program. And he's chosen to go into the famil...
Pentagon Releases Names of Guantanamo Inmates
The Pentagon, Washington DC -- Finally after several years of delays, the US military complied with the government's demands and submitted a list of the inmates being held at the military jail at Guantanamo in Cuba. Although the list was deliver...
Cheeney To Fly To Iraq
Mirage of Armstrong Ranch Somewhere Deep In The Heart of Iraq---A deep pocketed and ultra secretive sub rosa Pentagonal think tank has fostered a full fledged strategic initiative to turn Vice President Dick Cheney's penchant for silencing his ill pe...
Glitter in incomprehensible right-wing riddle Lucan gibberish.
March 2nd, 2006-for Gary Glitter, this was the day the laughter died. His stellar career reels today from twin blows-the guilty verdict in his Vietnamese child abuse trial and the banning of his autobiographical new book "Gary Glitter: A life in...
President, Congress at odds over sale of New York City
WASHINGTON (Associated Mess)-- Speaking from New Delhi, where he is in high level talks with Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh to sell an American-made missile defense system to India, President Bush defended a deal that would see a Saudi Arabian...
Democrats Respond to Republican Attacks over Race, Secession.
In a statement released Sunday, former Vermont governor Howard Dean, current chairman of the Democratic National Committee, responded to Republican New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg's pointed comments of March 3d. In the statement, Dean not only answe...
Bush Administration Officials plan next iconic crime
5 years into their stay in the White House, Senior Executive Branch advisors were starting to feel the alienation and loneliness creeping in. "I really started to feel like the people didn't get it," despaired Donald Rumsfeld, who has...
U.S to Launch Pre-emptive Strike on Jamaica
Washington, D.C. March 21 - In a response to the devastation wrought by Hurricane Katrina, President Bush has announced plans to launch a pre-emptive attack on the Caribbean nation of Jamaica, in an effort to prevent further hurricanes. The strike is...
UK Top Cop Bugs the Buggers
London, 14 March 2006 - (Associated Mess): New Scotland Yard admitted today that it has taken up recent controversial US counter-terrorism policies of bugging the phone calls of dubious public figures suspected of involvement in politics.
Demonic Possessions of PC's on the Rise
Lois Chapman, of Tilamook, Oregon thought all of her computer problems would be over when she bought her new system, but she was wrong.
US-India Relations in Danger After an Attempt on the President's life!
New Delhi: The hitherto warm and fuzzy relationship between the two great democracies of India and the United States today took a turn for the worst after an attempt was made on the life of the visiting US President, George W Bush. According to uncon...
Bush says 'I will never talk.'
President Bush has angrily dismissed an Iranian approach for ‘talks'. In a speech in Peachyville, Alabama, he called the initiative a ploy to avert international pressure away from the Iranian nuclear crisis. ‘It don't take an Alfred Einstein to…to u...
Parliament reposessed amid loan scandal
The British people were waking up to the shock news this morning that the mother of all democracies has been repossessed by bailiffs following the non-payment of loans secured against future peerages by the previous tenant, believed to be a Mr T. Bl...
Blair clears up loan cash mystery
Following his earlier news conference, at which he admitted that the treasurer of the Labour Party should have known about the loans from businessmen, Mr Blair held a second news conference tonight.
France embattled again.
Rioting continues in Paris, France as 250,000 protestors took to the streets again. French President, Jack the hat Chirac, has offered negotiations to the brick throwers in an attempt to diffuse the situation. ‘My ‘eart breaks wiz sorrow to see ze fl...
Academy Declares Rest of Nation "Out of Touch" with Hollywood.
As the televised awards ceremony nicknamed the "Oscars" ended, Jon Stewart read a letter from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences lambasting the American people for being "out of touch" with Hollywood. Perhaps intending to use the publici...
Dark Satanic Mills investigation probes Culture of Deceit
Rome, Italy - Tuesday 7 March 2006 - (Rioters): The Rome office of the chief Public Prosecutor in charge of the God's Banker's Dodgy Taxation Lawyer investigation issued a series of terse statements today following increasing speculation in...