Spoof news stories from Thursday 19 May 2005
Vive la France!
PARIS -- France's population is growing much faster than expected and could reach 75 million by mid-century, in an ongoing attempt to irritate all Americans.
Fair Deal for Gambling Grannies
Old aged pensioners in residential homes have raised the ongoing issues regarding crooked gambling activities. What had started off as innocent games of Snap, Old Maid and Happy Families has now become a source of illegal income within the private ca...
Traffic Cop ‘Gatso-way' With It.
A traffic cop, who was caught at speeds of between 158 and 160 miles per hour by the newly installed Gatso cameras on the M4, has been cleared of reckless driving today by Judge Ayrton Schumacher at The Old Bailey and can resume his duties of making...
Rampaging Iceberg Turning Out To Be A Big Disappointment
Scientists have been waiting for a wandering, ginormous iceberg named B-15A to stop taunting them and just get down to business.
The Bachelor Party That Almost Happened
Senior Editor Martin Chase returned this morning to the D.C. Bureau bullpen to regale us with tales of his Bachelor Party weekend in New Orleans. The outstanding pictures, which, a quick-witted journalist like myself noticed immediately, show absolutely no nightlife or scantily clad women.
A wary feeling of disappointment began bubbling within me.
No drugs thanks - we're cyclists
The French Professional Cyclists' Association is in turmoil this week over a series of allegations that some cyclists are not taking drugs.
Exxon Announces Revolutionary Blood Substitute
HOUSTON--Scientists at Exxon Mobil Corporation have announced that they have created a revolutionary substitute for human blood out of common crude oil, which they have chemically altered for the mass market.
Bush Appoints Statistics Czar
Yesterday President Bush announced the creation of a new office in a rare rose garden appearance. The 'statistics czar' will oversee a new national clearinghouse of analysis and conclusions drawn from measured data. These data include surveys...
Bush says Social Security Funds are ‘Missing'
At a press conference on Tuesday, George Bush admitted that Social Security funds, which have been borrowed from heavily by 5 different administrations, are "somewhere", but at this point he is not entirely sure where. " Alan Greenspan has said that...