Spoof news stories from Monday 3 January 2005
Police move to ignore crime
ENGLAND, UK - Under new government plans unvieled today police may soon be relieved of the power to interfere with crime. This move is intended to give policemen more time to deal with the paperwork that had become a daily part of a policemans duty.
AMD Launches Alchemy
An AMD press release stated that they started off by responding to market demand for a "Bling" Chip and the road has lead to this - the AU1200. Its special feature is just how cool the processor runs despite being touted as the hottest chip...
Apple Announces $99 iMac !
CUPERTINO CA (AP) Apple Computer will announce at MacWorld Expo a sub-$100 Macintosh computer-aimed at iPod hungry Windows users. Until now, most Windows users were too cheap to kick in over a thousand dollars for an easy-to-use Macintosh computer, s...
Ted Nugent to Head Homeland Security
Washington, D.C. - Frustrated by mounting criticism over his failure to appoint a Secretary of Homeland Security, President George W. Bush announced this morning that he would name gonzo rocker Ted Nugent to the post.
City Celebrates Record Low Number of Murders.
DETROIT, MI - Not since the days when Colman Young was mayor, the Detroit Tigers were a respectable Major League Baseball team and Chevy Chase was considered "funny" has the city of Detroit seen a day with fewer than 60 homicides. However,...
Asteroid Moons Earth
PALOMAR, CA --- NASA intern Sam Croydon claims he has discovered a new killer asteroid that missed the Earth by a hair's breadth a few weeks ago. Designated A-554073, it came as close as 250,000 miles to our home planet, Croydon said. Had he been all...
Mobile Phones Rack up 20 years of (ab)use
The mobile phone, the bane and savior of modern day communication. The whole story began 20 years ago when comedian Ernie Wise made the first mobile phone call in the UK accross the Vodaphone network.
Italy Names "American Idiot" National Anthem and Enforces Dress Code
Roma and Firenze, Italy--After several snafus involving American tourists at AutoGrill toilettes, in supermercados, and on the streets of Rome, the Italian government has declared the popular rock song "American Idiot" by Greenday to...