Spoof news stories from Monday 17 January 2005
Bush Inauguration to be paid for with Social Security Money
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The White House today announced that more than $500,000,000,000 will be "borrowed" from the Social Security fund to help host the second inauguration of President George W. Bush. White House sources cite numerous...
Prince Harry Grounded!
LONDON --- Lord Alfred N. Ospin, Royal Administrator of Public Dispatches, denied rumors that Prince Harry's Nazi-hijinks have earned him a dark cell in the notorious London Tower. Neither is the young prince facing execution by beheading. Instead, t...
Bush Changes QWERTY to BLAIRTY
‘Who is responsible for designing this keyboard?' was the latest outburst from the troubled President Bush when he tried to use a word processor for the first time.
Halo! magazine to publish Provos' decommissioning pics
Soremount Castle, Northern Ireland, Monday 17 January - (Rioters) In a seminal landmark announcement, the Provisional IRA has finally agreed a multi-million ££££ deal to publish its controversial arms decommissioning photographs in Halo! magazin...
US Vows to Win Back Oldest Mom Title
Not to be outdone, George W. Bush has vowed to move heaven and earth to give the United States back its title of having the oldest woman ever to give birth.
Labour Party conference moves from Blackpool to Maldives "to help tsunami victims."
In a gesture of supreme selflessness, the Labour government today announced that it has dropped Blackpool as the host of its Autumn conference, and will instead be holding the event in the Maldives in an effort to restart the tropical paradise's s...
CIA Cracks Osama's Pig Latin Code
The Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) announced yesterday that its code-cracking experts have deciphered a hidden message found at the end of Osama bin Laden's most recent address to the American people. Mr. bin Laden's address, which some observers...
New Princess Diana Memorial Unveiled
LONDON (Rotters) -- Only a week after a Royal Parks spokesman's announcement that the costly (£3.6m) trouble-plagued Hyde Park fountain dedicated to Princess Diana was being demolished for another, more cost-effective model, delighted visitor...
AOL acquires Nuclear Capability
With the overwhelming success of the Google IPO, shareholders have been applying pressure to AOL Time Warner to bring AOL back to the top of the NASDAQ Index.
Scientists Create Bullshit Powered Car
Detroit, Michigan - Scientists have created a new hybrid car that runs, for the most part, on the fumes emitted when human beings lie or bullshit.
Bit of Iraq Missing
Nearly 350 square Miles of Iraq have vanished from a heavily guarded sector of the country, the UN says.