Spoof news stories from Tuesday 19 April 2005
White Smoke Recipe Stolen By Terrorists
Al Jazeera --- The Vatican has reported that operatives associated with the (yet to be contained by the Bush Administration) Al Qaeda terrorist organization, have stolen the formula for the chemical used by the College of Cardinals to make the white...
Elvis To Join British Government
Previously secret documents aquired by using the new Freedom of Information act reveal that Elvis will be joining the British government. Secret meetings between defence chief's and top cryogenic experts in the USA have lead to the plan being hat...
Boot Sale Bargain - Betty Buys eBay for 50p
Betty Bates got the shock of her life today while bargain hunting at her local flea market. Betty (69) a somewhat rotund, lonely old soul who whiffs a bit spends much of her empty life scavenging charity shops and car boot sales looking for rubbish t...
Vatican begins planning funeral of Pope Benedict XVI
Vatican City - The chant rippled across the crowds gathered in St. Peter's Square: "Viva il papa" ("Long live the Pope"). Vatican officials, however, are not expecting the 78 year old Joseph Ratzinger, now Benedict XVI, to have an especially long P...
President On The Mend After Concert Mishap
WASHINGTON, DC -- White House physicians are breathing a collective sigh of relief this week as President Bush appears to be on the mend from the injuries he sustained while recently touring with former Attorney General John Ashcroft and his Christia...
New Pope Elected
White smoke rose majestically from the chimney of Ethel Jones' Cardiff cottage chimney today, prompting an onslaught of media enquiries to the 63 year old Welsh widow and mother of three.
Smoke Signals - Sitting Bull Anounces Spelling Mistake
WASHINGTON DC - At last the white smoke signal has been seen pouring out of the Capitol Building's chimney. This is the long awaited sign that a new President has been chosen and Donald Ratzenburger will be paraded to a waiting world. A gather...
Vatican Rock City
A ceremonial puff of black smoke arose from the chimney near the Vatican on Monday signaling that the leaders of the Catholic Church had failed to elect a pope and had all decided to light their ceremonial Columbian cigars given to the Pope by Fidel...
Russian Internet Dating Special - Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice Gets Her Man
WASHINGTON - Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, visiting Russia ahead of her guardian President Bush, sees hopeful signs of obtaining a visa for her forthcoming marriage to President Vladimir Putin to be held in Israel later this month. Western wom...
Conservative Party - Only Two Attend
CONSERVATIVE PARTY HQ - Tory Party Leader Michael Howard has today released details of a new Identity Card Scheme which is being trialled in the lead up to the General Election. He hopes that the scheme proves to be a success as it is not to b...
Qwest wins bid for MCI: Paul McCartney tickets did the trick
Denver-Qwest Communications (NYSE: Q) has stubbornly refused to drop its bid to take over MCI. Mr. Heywood Jablowmi, CFO of Qwest, carried out his quarterly conference call today with investors, fund managers and business reporters. "Those bastard...
China and Japan settle their differences - merge into "Chipan" mega-state
Tokyo and Beijing - After several weeks of diplomatic sparring, the governments of China and Japan have stunned the world by announcing that the two countries will merge into a single East Asian super state called Chipan. Chipan instantly becomes a...
Lucas Has "Dagobah" On His Radar
George Lucas, the father and creator of Star Wars has apparently spoken about a possible Star Wars spinoff since 2003. And we have a report from Reuters that daddy-o will be behind the cameras again for the spin-off right after he finishes Ind...
Kobe out for season
Los Angeles----The seats at the staples centre might become a little less full, now that star player Kobe Bryant has gone down with a season ending injury.