Spoof news stories from May 2004
There were 576 spoof news stories published in May 2004. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Olsen Twins to Film Porn Movie on 18th Birthday
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, best known collectively as the ape-faced baby on the long-running ABC sitcom "Full House" have announced plans to get nude and film a full length porno movie on their 18th birthday which is June 13 of this year. Misguided...
John Kerry names Johnny Depp as running mate
WASHINGTON - Presidential hopeful and Massachusetts Senator John Kerry today announced he has offered Johnny Depp first refusal of the coveted VP spot in his Democratic bid for the White House.
American Idol News: New Judges Next Season. Simon remains; Omarosa and MJ Replace Paula and Randy
Omarosa has done it again. The Apprentice outcast will be joining Michael Jackson and Simon Cowell as judges on next season's American Idol and Simon isn't happy. Simon and Omarosa got into a feisty argument and your favorite writer KungFu Iceskat...
50 Cent Arrested in Shooting of Ja Rule and Ashanti
Rapper 50 Cent, who still hasn't forgotten his hatred for rival Ja Rule, was recently arrested for the shooting of the two main stars of The Inc., Rule and Ashanti. He said, "I finally got those motherf***ers back!"...
Laura Bush Seeks Divorce
Citing "irreconcilable indifferences, his thing is way too small and other problems," Laura Bush has filed for divorce against King George the Dunce.
Diana Degarmo's Meltdown
Diana Degarmo finally broke down and cried today. "I'm so f***in' sick and tired of being the nice and sweet girl. I ain't got no street cred since doing this whack American Idol. People don't even think I'm latina enough. It...
Survivor All-Stars Finale: Amber Wins, Boston Rob Proposes, Jenna Pregnant
Madison Square Garden, NY- In a live CBS broadcast, Amber walked away with the $1 million prize and a modest diamond engagement ring from Boston Rob, in the season finale of "Survivor."...
American Idol Stunner: Simon Cowell Fired For Sexually Harassing Paula Abdul
LOS ANGELES - Simon Cowell was fired from American Idol this morning for sexually harassing Paula Abdul. Sources close to Miss Abdul say that she is livid. Apparently, six months ago, Simon bet Paula that he'd have her "spanking daddy" in bed, within...
Research Reveals More Women Purchase Cars at Night
DETROIT FREE PRESS
A study recently completed by the Ford Motor Company shows that women are twice as likely to shop for cars during the evening as...
Satan University
(Auburn, Alabama) Auburn University will change its name as of July 1, 2004 to Satan University. Speaking to the assembled press outside the Haley Center, Auburn President Joey Klind made the announcement saying it...
Madonna quits show biz; press blames her tits
REDONDO BEACH, Calif. -- In a shocking announcement, Madonna is calling her show business career quits. Rumors persist that the decision has all to do with the diva's tits.
Martha Stewart's Replacement Finally Found
NEW YORK, NEW YORK - After a six month struggle through open casting calls with stringent negative qualifications required for candidates to make it beyond the initial application phase in a search to replace the now-tainted hostess, Martha St...
American Idol Shocking Revelation: Simon Cowell Confesses To Secret Crush on Latoya London
LOS ANGELES Wednesday May 12th 2004.
Paula Zahn Has Orgasm On Live TV!
WASHINGTON (CNN)
Cable News Network news anchor Paula Zahn had an unusual interview Wednesday evening with presidential candidate John Kerry. Discu...
American Idol Shock And Awe: Simon Cowell Heart Attack; Argues With Spoof Writer KungFu IceSkater
The only music industry executive who actually deserves to change his name (from Clive Davis to "The Smackdown" or "Head Pimp In Charge") caused Simon Cowell, raconteur extraordinaire and future star of "The Limey 2", to have a heart attack early Wed...
Carrot Top Does More Commercials; Suicide Rate Rises
Comedian Carrot Top has recently supplied AT&T with a new commercial, much to the disappointment of nearly everyone everywhere. "You know, for a while there I was almost sure he had died - I thought I even read about it somewhere." Said an...
Low-Down on the Don Ho American Idol Conspiracy
USA --
The whole country was in shock from 9:55 - 9:57 EST last night as LaToya London was voted off of American Idol.
"Man, this i...
American Idol Winner Announced
Yes, almost two full days before the results show, this reporter has learned who will win American Idol.
Apple Computer Issues Gwyneth Paltrow Ultimatum: Rename your baby or we sue
The head honchos at Apple Computer have contacted Gwyneth Paltrow and her rocker-husband, Chris Martin, and told them in no uncertain terms that they must rename their baby.
‘Friends' Final Episode: A Big Disappointment
A Gallup poll commissioned by NBC competitor, The Spice Channel (?), finds that 90% of Spice Channel viewers were highly disappointed with the final episode of Friends.
Mel Gibson plans The Passion of the Devil
Mel Gibson is not giving up after the unprecedented success of his film The Passion of the Christ. He will now make The Passion of the Devil.
Man Has Vagina Implanted In His Hand
An unidentified, but self-proclaimed ‘ugly man' had surgeons implant a vagina from a cadaver in his left hand last week, it was announced today. Doctors at the Nashua Clinic for Sexual Re-Implementation, in Nashua New Hampshire, said the patient, kn...
Interview with the Master Chief
Once just another soldier whose heroic exploits went unheard of and unknown, Master Chief was rocketed to stardom level with the release of a videogame titled 'Halo', loosely based off of his exploits in the military. Long-since retired, he now spends most of his time with his wife and twin children at their home in Billings, Montana. Recently, I had a chance to catch up to Master Chief an...
Susan Sarandon's Breasts, JeLo's Butt Protest Disease, Famine, "Bad Stuff"
(New York, New York) The breasts of actress Susan Sarandon and the buttocks of singer-actress Jennifer Lopez today took out a joint advertisement in the New York Times protesting "Disease, Famine, War, Hate and Other Bad Stuff."...
Ryan Seacrest and Friends Threaten to Sue WB
Ryan Seacrest is angry! In fact, he's hopping mad right now.
John Stevens Advances in the WB's Superstar USA
John Stevens, the 16-year old crooner from East Amherst, NY and recent American Idol evictee, advanced past the first round of the WB's Superstar USA Monday Night. The show is an "untalent" contest, a nationwide search for the worst singer in America...
Hitler poised to become new Chelsea boss
EX NAZI boss Adolf Hitler is to be sensationally named as the new Chelsea manager within the next week.
Michael Jackson has 10,000th plastic surgery
Hollywood - Pop star Michael Jackson stunned the entertainment world today when he unveiled the results of his 10,000th plastic surgery procedure, during which something seems to have gone horribly wrong. However, the embattled pop star assured repo...
Paris Hilton Received Most Votes on American Idol
As the third American Idol voting snafu in recent weeks, Paris Hilton has received 4.3 million votes, enough to make it into the finals. This was surprising considering Paris Hilton is not a contestant on American Idol.
Michael Jackson's Penis to Testify
A source close to the Neverland Ranch stated today that Michael Jackson's penis, Winkie Jackson, has agreed to testify at Jackson's upcoming child molestation trial.
Dick Dastardly Arrested For Abuse
Dick Dastardly has had a long and illustrious career of contemptible, rotten, and sometimes downright despicable deeds. However, recently all of the trouble he has caused in the past caught up with him, and he was finally arrested for animal abuse ou...
Scientist Discovers What Michael Jackson Is, Begins Drinking Heavily
Toledo, Ohio - Scientists at the National Institute for the Study of Bizarre Androgynous Freaks have completed a seven-month study on pop star Michael Jackson. The results of the study are reported to be too terrifying for words.
George Bush falls down, goes boom
TEXAS - President Bush is recovering today from minor injuries caused over the weekend by a fall from a mountain tricycle at his Texas ranch. Speculation is that incident was intentional and Bush was merely practicing for his November fall.
George Huff creeps enough people out - voted off American Idol
Los Angeles - George Huff's run as American Idol finalist appears to be at an end. Best know for his deep baritone vocals and the ever-present "what's that up my butt" reaction to judges' critiques, Huff will be missed much less than former co...
"Friends" airs final episode: Viewers urged to get a life
Hollywood - NBC Executives held a press conference today during which they formally said goodbye to the megahit sitcom Friends and told viewers to get a life.
George W. Bush announces to world, "I'm an asshole!"
Washington, D.C. -- President George W. Bush held a press conference today that will go down as one of the strangest moments in U.S. history. After a few opening remarks by his Press Secretary, the President took the podium, looked around for a mome...
Prison Abuse Scandal Linked to George W. Bush's Dog
Washington, DC (AP)
Sources at the Pentagon admitted this morning that the dog collars and leashes used in the abuse of Iraqi detainees at the Abu...
Dr. Phil Caught Snacking Between Meals
(GRAND RAPIDS) - Daytime TV shrink and self-proclaimed diet guru Dr. Phil McGraw was caught shoving an extra large Chimmie-Cheez burrito with extra sour cream down his throat in the parking lot of a Grand Rapids mini-mart Friday morning.
Jay Leno dumps John Kerry for Johnny Depp
HOLLYWOOD - In a pre-election upset, Tonight Show host Jay Leno has dumped John Kerry and asked Johnny Depp to run in Kerry's place.
George W Bush resorts to shock tactics.
George W Bush today took the unprecedented step of using "shock and awe" on the American public in order to get support for the presidential re-election campaign.
Starbucks Completes Death Star; World Takeover Imminent
Seattle, WA-Starbucks Coffee Inc announced Wednesday that its supreme plan for world domination will be placed into effect a month early as their Death Star orbiting seven hundred miles off Earth has been completed ahead of schedule.
Olsen twins to marry Olsen brothers
HOLLYWOOD - Popular twins Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen announced over the weekend they were finalizing the details for June nuptials with European superstar brothers, Jorgen and Niels "Noller" Olsen.
George Bush Does Something Stupid
Amidst the thunderous applause of satirists, late night talk show hosts, and hack comedians everywhere, George Bush surprises none as he yet again does something stupid.
Ronald McDonald whacks Wendy
San Diego - In a bizarre story like a plot right out of a Soprano's episode, Ronald McDonald was arrested today for the murder of Wendy from Wendy's. Wendy's body was found by an employee opening the store yesterday morning. It appears...
George Bush Compared with Saddam Hussein; Hollywood Responds
NBC might have something to smile about during fall sweeps, after the end of hit show ‘Friends'. Mr. "Unscripted Drama", Mark Burnett is teaming with NBC and Amnesty International to produce a new reality show, starring W and Saddam, in which the mos...
George W Bush: Speechless
May 19, 2004 The United States of America looks like it is going to be put under full F.E.M.A controlled marshal law, with full Red Alert status after a high priority national 'treat' occurred today.
UPS Declares War On FEDEX! Gun Battles Erupt Nation Wide!
Unconfirmed Sources report that The United Parcel Service has launched a pre-emptive strike on rival shipping firm Federal Express. UPS Forces launched dozens of coordinated attacks on FedEx processing depots across the nation. During the attacks UPS...
Rumsfeld Insane
The worst kept secret inside the beltway is out. Doctors for Donald Rumsfeld admitted today that the Secretary of Defense is legally insane.
Boy With Pipe Is No Freak
Pablo Picasso's 1905 masterpiece, Garçon a la Pipe, has sold for an astonishing $104m at Sotheby's in New York, beating by $21.5 the price paid for the previous most expensive painting, Van Gogh's Portrait of Doctor Gachet.
Michael Jackson fan attempts to flame Spoof writer
Spoof Hollywood - Federal Marshals apprehended a character assassin hired by Michael Jackson to set up a member of The Spoof's writing staff today.
Iraqi Prisoner Abuse: New Pictures Emerge of Mistreatment By US Soldiers; Donald Rumsfeld Resigns
New pictures have surfaced of the abuse of Iraqi POW's by U.S. and British soldiers. We will shortly publish these pictures but can safely say that they'll make the "human pyramid" picture look like a scene from the "Sound of Music". Seven of the pi...
'The Day After Tomorrow' Destroys Record Before Release, Wins Dubious Award
LA, NY, Montreal (FP) - Twentieth Century Fox's global warming disaster epic has completely annihilated a previous film record before even being released for public consumption. The $125 million Hollywood blockbuster has ironically won the 'G...
George W Bush in sex scandal.
George W Bush's reputation took a severe bruising today as it was revealed that he had had an affair with a Whitehouse intern.
John Kerry Sizes Up George W. Bush
NEW YORK AP
Appearing on "60 Minutes" this Sunday, presidential hopeful Senator John Kerry was grilled by Mike Wallace in an in-depth...
American Idol Not Racist Enough
Somewhere in Alabama,
Jim Rednecker announced from beneath his sheet today that he's "sick and doggurn' tired about all the belly...
Global warming caused by increased activity in Hell
Scientists at the University of Helsinki claim they have solved the mystery of global warming.
Emile Heskey to run "Heskeylator" escalator franchise
Emile Heskey's 5 million pound move today from Liverpool FC to Birmingham City FC has sparked off a string of remarkable revelations concerning the indomitable striker's business ventures.
Gabon Famine - British Style
The President of the African country of Gabon, El Hadj Omar Bongo has appealed to the UN, the World Health Organization, the World Bank, t...
George Bush names Michael Jackson new Secretary of Defense
WASHINGTON - In his search for the perfect scapegoat, George Bush today announced that he would accept Donald Rumsfeld's resignation and immediately appoint Michael Jackson as America's new Secretary of Defense.
Labour Party Pre Election World Tour : Deputy PM Visits Canada, Causes Trouble
John Prescott has embarked on a worldwide tour to promote Britain and more importantly, to improve relations with world leaders.
World's Ugliest Baby Turns One
Columbia, MO - Joe and Patty Simpson didn't know exactly what they were getting into when they agreed to adopt an underprivileged child almost twelve months ago. Like so many other people wanting children, adoption was the only route available to the...
The Swan: Michael Jackson to Make Guest Appearance In Hit Fox Reality Show
The King of Pop has agreed to appear in Fox's new reality TV show where contestants receive the physical and emotional "makeover of a lifetime". Writer KungFu IceSkater was told that producers are having difficulties shooting the show because the Kin...
BNP stand as Anti-Europe party in European elections
In a confounding move, British National Party leader, Nick Griffin, has announced his party's intention to continue their anti-European stance by standing in the upcoming European Elections.
George W. Bush possesses the Ring of Power
Washington -- The world was stunned today when President George W. Bush was found to be in possession of the One Ring to Rule Them All.
Bin Laden releases CD on Afghanistan Gangsta label
In an audiotape offering a terror truce to European countries that pull their troops from Muslim nations, Osama bin Laden also suggested he might be willing to ease up a little if he could just get a thick juicy steak and a hot shower.
Shemales To Honor Jackson
Las Vegas -- The National Federation of Shemales on Film (NFSF) have invited Michael Jackson to be the Keynote speaker at their annual Shemale Blowout Party - the meeting they sponsor each year in Las Vegas to discuss issues relating to Hollywood's...
Brandy Vandross? It's Possible
Singer/actress Brandy Norwood just found out that she is indeed a distant relative of R&B legend Luther Vandross.
Kerry, Seeking Jewish Votes, Roots, Changes Family Name Back to "Kohn"; Polls Go Haywire
(Boston, Massachusetts) Democratic presidential candidate John F. Kerry has changed his name to "John F. Kohn", saying that he wishes to both acknowledge his Jewish roots, and also convince wavering Jewish voters that "their rightful...
Condoleezza Rice to Open Chain of Cajun Themed Restaurants
The first Mama Condoleezza's NewOrleenza Rice and Beans Bistro and Voodoo Lounge is scheduled to open later this summer in Orlando, Florida. "Many people are surprised to learn that I am actually a human being and not only eat solid foo...
Dying Sparrow Photo 'Fake'
The Sparrow Mirror, Britain's best selling sparrow orientated tabloid, today published a photograph of what it says is evidence of systematic abuse inside the aviary section of Abu Ghraib prison, where around seventy Iraqi insurgent sparrows are...
New study shows ugly parents more likely to have ugly children
Virgin Utah-
Steve White, head scientist at Kramer labs held a press conference today showing new findings from a five year fact finding missi...
Donald Rumsfeld to appear on Queer Eye
A source for Bravo TV leaked the news that Secretary of State Donald Rumsfeld will appear on an episode of the hit reality show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy." This comes only days after Rumsfeld was heavily criticized for abuse of Iraqi prisoners...
TNT announces new reality show, "American Idiot"
Hollywood -- In an effort to grow apace with the ratings boom of reality TV shows, Tacky Network Television has unveiled their newest offering for the Fall line-up, American Idiot.
Bush Urges Congress to Pass Federal Seafood Amendment
Washington, DC - Citing the need to protect the sanctity of eating seafood, President Bush has urged Congress to swiftly pass the Federal Seafood Amendment (FSA), which would define finned animals as the only proper aquatic food to eat.
First Visit To The Jock Strap Store
I remember my first visit to the jock strap store. Now, if you go to Walmart today they have them, tightly bound in plastic, hanging on racks. When I needed my first jock strap my parents took me to Brooks Brothers. I was horribly embarrassed as my father said to the clerk. "My son is becoming a man. He needs a jock strap." My mother, thankfully, had moved away to peruse the socks...
Republican Convention Schedule Announced
The Republican National Committee today released the official schedule and agenda for the first day of the 2004 Convention to be held in New York City on August 30th.
Boat Goes Down: Nudists' Spirits Remain Up
Austin, TX --
A party boat on the Colorado River tipped over yesterday. It seemed that everyone on the boat noticed a cute little fishie on the...
Bush Apologizes for Iraqi Torture: Says, "Me Bad"
Washington, DC --
Today, President Bush apologized for the abuse scandal after taking an urgent phone call from famed celebrity apologist, Just...
Same-Sex Marriages in Massachusetts: John Kerry Nods, Jay Leno Amused, George Bush Not.
The world's greatest flip-floppin', backflippin', backspinnin', breakdancin' former acrobat turned politician and Democratic presidential hopeful John Kerry, (AKA "The Artful Dodger") today announced he supports gay marriages.
Cheney Says Photos of Iraqi Prisoners are Fake!
5-10-04 - When asked by a reporter what he thought of the embarrassing CBS-aired photos of naked Iraqi prisoners?", Cheney huffed, "They're fake! Each of the photos has been doctored up by the Liberal Press to embarrass the Administrat...
Jennifer Lopez in "New Kids on the Block" Weasel Cult Nightmare.
Over-rated singer and arse queen Jennifer Lopez was shocked to discover a tribe of angry weasels have started to stalk her. These weasels upon hearing the soul-less drivel that she insists on calling her music became so incensed that they decided it...
Dick Cheney Going to Baghdad
WASHINGTON AP
The White House announced today that Vice President Dick Cheney was being immediately dispatched to Iraq in order to find out who...
TV's Sean Hannity Says Disgusting Photos of Iraqi Prisoners are Fake!'"
Yesterday on "Hannity & Colms," Right-wing Obfuscator, Sean Hannity, proclaimed in a rambling, tearful-eyed speech on his own TV program that "You know, I'll bet that each of these disgusting photos of Iraqi detainees are **fake,**...
Charlton Heston Gives Goodbye Speech
Noted actor, sportsman and conservative activist Charlton Heston, who has previously announced that he is battling Alzheimer's disease announced during a talk given to the Altedena, California chapter of Young Americans for Guns on 1 May 2004 that he...
Bush tortures Rumsfeld: Exclusive photos!
United States President George W Bush summoned his Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld to the White House and tortured him for nearly an hour May 9.
John Kerry to Guest-Judge American Idol Finale
In a move that has America reeling, potential Democratic presidential nominee John "Big-Head and Yes I am part Jewish and I'm married to a wealthy woman" Kerry has decided to be a guest judge on American Idol for the Tuesday finale.
Homeless people = Alternative fuel?
Esteemed English right-wing politician Sir Mark Hatcher has caused a stir in London today after he said that it would be of benefit to all if homeless people were to be 'recycled' or even 'cut into pieces' and used as fuel 'for th...
MI5 Declassify Margaret Thatcher's Handbag Secrets
London's humble citizens were treated to a rare insight into the private life of Britain's first non-male prime minister.
Wonder Bread Offers Ready Made Sandwich Loaves
Wonder Bread, Inc., manufacturer of Wonder Bread announced today that they are offering new ready made Sandwich Loaves. The new product offers the ease of sliced bread and the nutrition of a mother-made sandwich all wrapped up in a plastic bag to ke...
George W. Bush Pounding Nails Into His Own Head, X-Rays Reveal
Washington -- Doctors at Bethesda Hospital gave the President a CAT scan today and made a discovery that puts the activities of the Bush Administration into stark and horrific focus.
FBI Illegally Obtains and Publishes Controversial George Bush Memo
A rogue FBI field agent today told writer KungFu IceSkater that he had illegally obtained copies of George W. Bush's new personal dictionary of common phrases. Excerpts from the dictionary follow. "I George W. Bush, do declare the following d...
Bush says his low approval rating is the work of terrorists
President Bush said today that his record-low 42% approval rating "sends the wrong message to our troops" and accused unpatriotic poll respondents of trying to &quo...
Billy Ocean Makes A Comeback
The world is rejoicing because Billy "Caribbean Queen" Ocean is making a comeback. After falling into near obscurity in the late 80s, this pop star is out, about and telling the world that, to quote LL Cool J:...
|
| Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun | ||||||||||||||
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||
Mailing List
Get Spoof News in your email inbox!