Spoof news stories from Friday 19 March 2004
Taliban Denies Effort to Escalate Tensions
KABUL, Afghanistan - Taliban leaders were questioned today concerning possible efforts by Taliban members to increase tension along the "hot" border between Pakistan and India.
Bush Throws "Deliverance" Themed Iraq War Party
Washington, D.C. - United States President George W. Bush threw a party today in honour of the U.S. led war in Iraq.
Logic: A Thing of the Past
After careful deliberation, the National Science Board decided logic is an outdated principle. As a result, it is expected that logic will be removed from all day-to-day applications. Logically, however, that is unlikely to occur.
Will Polish Pull Out...of Iraq? (What were you thinking? Hmmmm)
Now, now. I am so tired of listening to all the sexual innuendo that is related to war terms. Pull out, rush in, attack, bomb and so forth. I mean, my poor ears have been molested with all of this harsh warlike sex talk.
I think we need to use kinder, gentler, more moralistic terms to describe warfare. If not, we should consider censoring the news channels. I don't want my children hear...
Donald Trump Takes Over Vatican: Tells Pope "You're Fired!"
Vatican City, Vatican --
The Catholic Church, due to failing membership amongst its disgruntled flock, has been taken over by New York based de...
Bush Kills Kerry
Today at the first presidential debate of the 2004 election George 'the W stands for wallop' Bush took a swing at the democratic candidate John Kerry. The punch sent spit, teeth and blood flying from Kerry's mouth and seconds later he...
Living on the Moon
Thomas Sckilarie of the Moon Inhabitation Corporation has recently been selling property on the Moon for celebrities to live on. Jennifer Aniston just purchased a 200 acre property last week. When I asked her about the investment, she had this to s...
Old MacDonald had a Cow
Lima, Indiana- In a case of artificial insemination gone terribly awry, a dairy farmer in rural Indiana gave birth today to a Holstein calf. A neighbor described the incident as "horrific and somewhat unsettling."...
Bush urges world to fight terrapins
US unelected President George "Big W" Bush has said there can be "no neutral ground in the fight between civilization and terrapins".
"Scopes Trial" County Steps Up Enforcement
DAYTON, Tenn. - The county that has begun charging Homosexuals with "Crimes against nature" has a new axe to grind: Heterosexual "Crimes against nature".
Gay Marriage Effort Gets Boost
LAS VEGAS, Nev. - The effort to legalize Gay marriages received a healthy boost this morning, as three large National Organizations threw their support behind the effort.
Al Qaida Endorses Bush in '04
The Al Qaida Terrorist Organization has endorsed George W. Bush for a second term as United States President and Commander in Chief of the countries armed forces. Abdul Bull Durham, spokesman for the Union of Thugs, Dead Enders, Losers and Assassins...