Spoof news stories from Monday 15 March 2004

Kentucky Wins NCAA Tournament

Lexington, KY- In what is being called the "shortest March Madness ever," the top-seeded University of Kentucky wildcats have been awarded the NCAA mens basketball trophy, without playing a single tournament game.

Oscar the Grouch's Secret Shame

Oscar the Grouch has decided to tell the world just what makes him so grouchy. "When I was a little grouch, I was an altar boy and a priest...I can't go on. It hurts too much." He wept to an audience filled with Garbage Collectors at th...

"Eat my socks... wait. Eat my depleted uranium" - Bush

It became evident that the United States of America was very serious about its attempts to take over Canada and, presumably, the rest of the world. When the French Prime Minister authorized the launch of twenty-six nuclear warheads against the United...

Britney and Christina At It Again

Will the cat fights ever stop? The world's two biggest pop-tarts, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, have fought over record sales, number #1 songs, and so much more, or less, in the case of former Mouseketeer turned N'Sync turned solo st...

Mavis- Leave Uri alone!

There's nothing wrong with Uri. (or 'Bendy' as we choose to call him.) Prince Charles is also a homeopathic nut (as in fruit and..) and noone holds that against him, even Camila. What imagery we conjure with! Talking of conjuring, where was I? Ah yes, back to Uri. A fine figure of a man, and could have been King! Haven't you heard? Its a jungle out there! Having Uri as a frien...

Wal-Mart Announces Plans to "Rollback" Wages, Employment Practices

Wal-Mart, Inc., the world's largest retailer, has announced plans to expand its wildly successful "Rollback" program to its wages and employment practices, according to a company spokesperson. "The concept of the rollback is extremely simple," compa...

Big Brother to decide Next Prime Minister

In a shock move, Tony Blair has announced the biggest change to the electoral system since that sad day that women got the vote. Speaking from Downing Street our beloved Prime Minister said this.

"La donna e GOBBELAY!"

Luciano Pavarotti, one of the world's most adored opera singers, recently ended his own enormous appetite by consuming one of the world's most adored structures, killing over 1,000 in doing so.

GROUND BREAKING SURGERY TRANSFORMS MICKEY MOUSE INTO A MAN

ANAHEIM, CALIFORNIA - A spokesman's for Disney Corporation announced today that Mickey Mouse under went surgery to become a "man". Surgeons in Sweden performed the miraculous surgery over a period of more than eight weeks. "Our biggest obstacle wer...