Spoof news stories from Saturday 13 March 2004
Britney's Arden Cosmetics for Clowns Only
New York , N.Y. - Britney Spears' launch of her own cosmetics line through Elizabeth Arden will be limited to make-up for clowns.
Trillionare's movie rated low with bank managers and critics
Eva Lottie, the well-known trillionare, has become an ex-trillionare.
Man Actually Buys and Uses Bowling Alley Condom
In a rare event, 27-year-old Glen Harrison actually purchased a condom from the machine in a bowling alley restroom on Friday night.
Malfoy's Heart Grown Fond Of Horror Brown
It has been brought to the attention of many in the last week, and it's somewhat shocking. Potter bad-boy Tom Felton has fallen deeply in love with the girl rumoured to portray Lavender Brown. Her name is known among the crowds of freaks and strr...
McDonald's Manager's New Book Left On Shelf
The manager of McDonald's has written a new book; his autobiography, How to become the Manager of a Fast Food Chain in 20 Easy Years.
Skeletor Lays Off Four Minions
Skeletor announced today that due to budget constraints four minions have been cut from his roster of evil.
Terrorist Bombings Go Horribly Wrong
Madrid, Spain --
The Basque separatist group vehemently denies responsibility for last week's bombing of a train station in Madrid.
McDonald's fast food chain faces new competition
The 'McDonald's' fast food chain now faces being unable to keep up with competition, as the new 'McHenry's' chain opens.
Mutant Sunflower Seeds Found in Old Greenhouse
Mutant sunflower seeds are currently being sold all over the world by people unaware of the horrors they are unleashing on the world.
Scientists create 'Spamchaser' software
The world of e-mail is praising an ingenious new invention created by the trainee scientists at a computer lab in Bristol designed to stop spammers sending spam e-mails, called the 'Spamchaser Spycam'.
Reality TV Show for Space Rovers to be Filmed on Mars
BBC TV have announced that they will be launching a new reality TV programme called 'I'm a Space Rover, Get Me Off This Planet', to be shown on the BBC's all new Reality TV Channel.
Klan announces new Hispanic membership
Hope, Arkansas
Today the Klu Klux Klan announced that they will be seeking membership from Hispanics, Asians and Indian Americans.
Gra...
Robots to be the Future of Boxing
Following news that many health services had quit helping out boxing teams because of extreme overuse of some of their best agents...er, doctors, sorry, news is in that robots will be replacing human boxers in a move that could potentially spark cont...
Deadly New Breed Of Spiders Stow Away in Ship
All over the United Kingdom, panic has been caused, as scientists have announced that fifty thousand deadly Pink Widows, a lethally poisonous new breed of spider, have stowed away on a cargo ship and are heading for the UK.
Unlicensed 'The Weakest Link' Game Causes Controversy
Controversy has been caused at BBC TV by an unlicensed version of 'The Weakest Link' game.