Spoof news stories from June 2004
There were 575 spoof news stories published in June 2004. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Bigfoot found, shot down in cold blood
REDCLIFF, Wash. -- A hunter claims that he saw the legendary beast known as Bigfoot, shot him five times through the chest and watched it bleed to death in a remote part of Washington state.
Stephen Hawking sues Microsoft for copying his voice
World-famous cosmologist and theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking has today filed a lawsuit against Microsoft Corporation for unlawful replication of his trademark computerised voice.
Google to shut down Gmail
Google confirmed that it will shut down its beta Gmail email service in July.
McDonalds of Holland to introduce ‘McSex' ® menu
RED LIGHT DISTRICT, Amsterdam - McDonalds Corporation Holland today announced a fresh approach to its establishment menus that will take the slogan, "I'm lovin' it" rather more literally.
Elmo detained at Guantanamo Bay
Lovable and cuddly child icon Elmo was deported today to Camp X-ray, Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, charged with planning acts of terror against the state.
Paris Hilton to Have Sex on Next SpaceshipOne Mission!
"I've had sex everywhere else; now I want to do it in space!" says Paris Hilton, slutty heiress to the Hilton Hotel fortune. "I've already booked passage on that new private Spaceship One. Rick Salomon is going up with me and...
Mike Tyson to Host Reality Series, Faces Lawsuits
A day after regaining his license to fight in the state of New Jersey, former heavyweight champion of the world Mike Tyson announced that he has begun taping a reality show titled "Black Eye for the White Guy" for the Bravo network. The sho...
Massage and fellatio head dentists' poll to ease tension
A Leeds-based dental practice is taking the pain and stress out of a visit to the surgery and replacing it with pleasure.
Britney Spears Adds Third Breast
When she first burst on the pop music scene Britney Spears was a young, relatively talented, relatively flat-chested girl. Within a year or so as her career took off, so did the size of her chest. Or perhaps more accurately, as her breasts...
Iranian Frog Gives Birth to "Judy Finnegan"
An Iranian newspaper has reported the controversial story of a frog who claims to have given birth to a Daytime Television presenter.
Indian actress bills Clinton for sex
An Indian actress has claimed that former United States President Bill Clinton had sex with her and has not yet paid the bill.
Paris Hilton Gives Out "Sex Flight Training" Email Address!
As reported earlier, Paris Hilton has been going though extensive flight training for her upcoming porno film to be made in space on a special flight aboa...
Thousands of Teen Girls Vie for Part in Orlando Bloom Movie
LEXINGTON, Ky--At least 50,000 screaming teenage girls appeared at a general casting call for the Cameron Crowe film "Elizabethtown" starring Orlando Bloom.
Humane Treatment for Hitler's Offspring?
Hitler's putative offspring liked to talk about destroying anencephalic infants. They claimed that beings like the anencephalic are useless. They believed that such infants should be allowed to die, unlike the medical society in this country which believes in providing warmth and ventilation until such infants expire naturally.
Sure, the young Hitler’s had the influence of Herr Fuh...
Apple Introduces Expensive White Box with Holes, Plug, and Logo
SILICON VALLEY, CA June 8 - Apple today unveiled a new device called iBOX. This attractive white box plugs into a typical wall socket and draws an economical 650 watts of power simply to light up the its useless logo. However, befor...
Olsen Twins Travel The World for 18th
Today is the big day. Long time actresses Mary Kate and Ashley Fuller Olsen, also known as the Olsen Twins, even though they don't particularly like that title anymore, turn 18 today, June 13th. It is a big celebration.
At exactly 12:00AM las...
George Huff To Record Single With Fantasia Barrino & John Stevens
Yes, that's right. Former Idol contestant George Huff is going to record his very first single. He will be recording his own rendition of an old classic, re-titled to fit his own likings. The sensation will be recording "Huff The Magic Dr...
Vatican Report: The Inquisition wasn't that bad...George W. Bush Agrees
Vatican Officials have released a report saying that although the Inquisition burned people at the stake, stretched them to death on the rack, maimed and abused tens of thousands and possibly millions just because they weren't Roman Catholic, it real...
George Bush, Tony Blair, Britney Spears and her Beaver to form barber shop quartet
(NEW YORK) - Jive Records, the label behind such famous artists as Britney Spears and … Britney Spears, has in a spectacular turn of events announced today that the U.S. President George Bush and the British Prime Minister Tony Blair will be t...
1,000 Gmail accounts for free!
Gmail account holder Anthony D'Costa announced that he was gifting away 1,000 Gmail accounts for free.
Sheryl Crow & Clay Aiken, lovers?
What do we have here, a disgusted rock star? Well, it looks that way. Despite the rumors, Clay and Sheryl are not going out and she has made that very clear to us.
Moore Criticized for Uncut "Fahrenheit 9/11;" Conservatives Still Stand By the President
Conservatives are in an uproar today after Michael Moore released an uncut version of his new movie, "Fahrenheit 9/11." The new uncut version, which is now playing at all Pussycat theater locations, includes footage of the secret Bin Laden...
Clay Aiken's Brush With Worse- Than -Death; The Attack of the Paparazzi!
Clay Aiken's Brush With Worse- Than -Death; The Attack of the Paparazzi!
Some time ago when the former AI 2 runner-up was just getting his feet wet with all the star-related craziness, and he had to make the transition between cute, naïve country boy with freckles and savvy, cool L.A. star with sex appeal, he had an experience that almost made him decide to dump the entire idea of pursuing fa...
Osama Bin Laden Will Attend Reagan Funeral
Washington (AP) Osama Bin Laden is going to try to attend Ronald Reagan's funeral this week. The CIA reports a high level of chatter on several Middle East channels that indicate the terrorist leader will alter his appearance in order to show up with...
Bush Mistakes Monkey for Osama, Monkeys Arrested
Washington D.C. - Animal rights activists gathered in the country's Capitol upon hearing that President Bush had mistaken a family of Peruvian monkeys for Osama Bin Laden and his followers. The primates were transported to an Iraqi prison where they...
Nudeism Made Easy
Naturism, the concept of doffing one’s clothing and experiencing life as our Creator intended, has always appealed to me, and on many occasions I have even become what one might call a “closet nudist.” Before and after showers, when dressing or undressing and in certain other unmentionable situations, I am sometimes to be found wholly unclad. While this may shock and disappoint some, let me tell...
George Bush to Pope John Paul: John Kerry is Satan
President George W. Bush had a private meeting with Catholic Pope John Paul II in Rome where the President asked the Pope for help in his re election bid. President Bush, a born again Evangelical Christian who believes all Catholics will burn in Hell...
The Devil With His Pants Down (A true short story)
There is nothing more glorious than being drunk on a Tuesday night.
Actually, being drunk on a Tuesday night and in a 24 hour Super Wal-mart is more glorious. In the more glorious than the smell of perfume on your seat covers after spending an entire frigid prom night dry humping a fifteen year old in a training bra kind of way.
Osama Bin Laden Shaves Britney Spears Daily!
The stupid American Generals think I have been hiding in caves in Afghanistan and Pakistan. I have been secretly touring with Britney Spears for the past ten months. My job has been to shave the girl every day. When I get done with her, only the hair...
Bono Announces Plan to Unite George Bush and Michael Moore.
At a hastily called press conference on his private estate at Rudder Cut Cay in the Bahamas, Irish legend, Bono - the sometimes lead singer in the popular beat combo U2, the seeker of truth, justice and world peace, the man who would be Jesus bejesus...
Airport Security Measures Cause Athlete's Foot
Studies released today indicate that heightened international airport security measures may be contributing to an increased number of foot fungus cases, commonly known as athlete's foot.
A Paid Advertisment by George W. Bush
My fellow Americans: As your President, I have tried my best to make all the money flow to the rich where it can do the most good. I have tried to give my friends in the oil bidness all the breaks they deserve. Meanwhile, the Democrats have decided...
Bush Calls Up Boy Scouts for Tour of Duty
Late today, President George Bush and Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld announced at a brief press conference that up to 150,000 Boy Scouts from across America would be called into active duty in Iraq effective immediately.
Nancy Reagan: "I'm In Love Again"
LOS ANGELES - Only weeks after the death of her husband, former President Ronald Reagan, Nancy Reagan announced that she has found love again. The object of her affection is none other than 1980's TV star and bling-bling pioneer Mr. T. "He...
"I'm Gay and proud of it!"- Ryan Seacrest
Ryan Seacrest, American Idol host, has recently appeared on Fox News to admit his long-time romantic relationship with 'Idol' judge Simon Cowell. "It was a like a rollercoaster," he says, "there were times when we thought the r...
A Paid Advertisement for John Kerry
To all the good citizens of America who can vote for me: I am John Kerry---someone you can both trust and look up to. While serving as a Senator from Massachusetts, I have worked hard to gain your appreciation. I am running for President of the Unit...
Congress bans Midget Adoption
WASHINGTON- Midget Rights groups around the nation were devastated last night after Congress passed a Bill banning Midget Adoption.
Republicans Love Michael Moore's Satirical Comedy Fahrenheit 9/11!
Unconfirmed Sources report Republicans across the nation love Michael Moore's satirical treatment of the Bush administration. Republicans are flocking to theaters to see the new comedy Fahrenheit 9/11 and are telling their friends about it. Exit...
Playboy Starts Magazine for Arab Men!
Unconfirmed Sources report Playboy will soon start a new magazine directed at arab men. " Ji-Hotties" will hit the Arab street in just a few days. Our sources indicate the White House pressured the publisher to start the venture to help &qu...
Christopher Hitchens admits he's a little bit Michael Moore
By James Dean Bradfield, (BBC Online) - "To describe this film as a piece of crap would be to run the risk of a discourse that would never again rise above the excremental" wrote self-declared iconoclast Christopher Hitchens in the online m...
US Postal System Nears Collapse!
Unconfirmed Sources report that the US postal system has been plunged into chaos. Too many streets and towns newly renamed after Ronald Reagan are to blame. Postal employees just don't know where to send the mail!...
George W. Bush Declares Martial Law
President George W. Bush has taken the unique step of declaring Martiall Law without the country having either been attacked or being under imminent threat of attack. Administration Officials, concerned about falling public opinion polls and the real...
Hollywood rocked after tan line spotted on George Hamilton
The acting community was stunned after Variety Magazine reported that an anonymous source spotted what is believed to be a tan line on George Hamilton.
Al-Qaeda hates America, plans attacks, says US Dept. of Obvious
New evidence suggests group may be terror organization that targets large buildings, government installations and populous cities...
Tobacco Execs: New Cigarette Pacifier Not Targeting Kids
Washington D.C. - In a press conference held on the steps of Congress, Representatives for tobacco giant Philip Morris refuted claims that the new cigarette pacifier is aimed towards a younger market.
Yahoo and Google to be Auctioned on Ebay Tomorrow
In a joint news conference, the management teams of Yahoo and Goggle announced that both companies would be auctioned off to the highest bidder on Ebay tomorrow morning. David Filo, co-founder of Yahoo said, "No one can find anything around here...
President George Bush: Republican Jedi?
After taking a beating in recent opinion polls following the 9-11 Commissions disclosures regarding the absence of evidence relating to links between Al Qaeda and Saddam Hussein's Iraqi regime, President George W. Bush attempted...
Donald Duck dead at 70
ORLANDO, Fla. -- Donald Duck, world-famous cartoon duck and stalwart of the Disney animation empire, is dead at 70.
Jennifer Lopez Angry No News on Her This Week, Marries Marc Anthony
Los Angeles - In a move that shocked no one, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony married after weeks of denying anything more than a friendship. The wedding was apparently an attempt to get Lopez in the news for 183 consecutive weeks, a new record for a...
Internet satire taken over by goddamn hippies
New York - Noted internet satire The Bunion has been officially taken over by goddamn hippies, sources have told The Spoof.
Christians Face Discrimination
TEMPE, AZ Jerome Johnson appears to be a normal person on the outside. A young, good-looking teacher in Tempe, he appears to have everything going for him. However, he has one dirty secret that causes him to face discrimination every day: He's...
Official Clinton portrait does nothing for his image
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Most people were shocked when President Bush revealed the newly painted portrait of former President Clinton and it looked nothing like him (see photo).
Local Girl Reports She Wants to "Punch" Avril Lavigne
Topeka, Kansas - Local area resident, Cotie Shintani, 13, wants to "punch" popular Canadian songstress Avril Lavigne. On Monday evening, while typing to an undisclosed friend through the popular AOL Instant Messenger, Shintani expressed that "someti...
Bill Clinton's Dog Comes Clean
Decent people the world over were visibly shocked today by Bill Clinton's confession that his dog did have sexual relations in the Oval Office.
Ryan Seacrest Elected Mayor of Atlanta
He hosts American Idol. He is the star of his own talk show. And now he is about to take on a new role: mayor of a major American city.
"Osama Bin Laden Is My Son!"
ST PETERSBURG. Workers excavating a basement in the old city came across an old photo album that has left local historians astonished. "It appears that we have found pictures of the infamous Rasputin, many of which have notes and interesting sto...
BBC to Air Pro-Saddam Documentary
London (AP) - The British Broadcasting Corporation has announced it is to air a pro-Saddam Hussein documentary. In a statement the BBC board of directors said 'the decision to make this documentary isn't expected to to be controversial'.
New Muppet Added to Sesame Street
During it's time on the air, Sesame Street has been broadcast to more than 120 million children in 130 nations and three galaxies, making it - according to the Children's Television Workshop, the show's producer-"a really big deal."...
COBRA to Join Forces With Bin Laden, Al-Qaida
DOHA, Qatar -- A new audiotape and picture was received today from Al Qaida. Al Jazeera released the documents, purporting to be from Osama Bin Ladens' (center of photograph) terror network, which shows the terror group leader with...
Ming the Merciless unveils "diabolical" plan to conquer Earth
Mongo - The world was briefly terrified today in the aftermath of a newsflash announcement from none other than Emperor Ming of Mongo, the sinister tyrant of the 1930's serial "Flash Gordon", who demanded that Earth's rulers abdicate to him or face t...
Zeus to light torch at Athen's Olympics ceremony
ATHENS, Greece -- Zeus, the supreme ruler of Mount Olympus and of the Pantheon of gods who resided there, has agreed to take part in the opening ceremonies of the 2004 Summer Olympic Games in Athens.
Wes Craven to Take Helm of 'Passion of Christ' Sequel
(UP) Mel Gibson announced today that he will be stepping back from the director's chair for the sequel to last spring's biblical box office smash 'The Passion of the Christ.' Gibson has decided to hand the reigns over to horror guru...
Ayava CEO announces he loves a Zebra
Dan Patterson, Chairman and CEO of Ayava Inc, manufacturer of Dyalasis machines and services to the Saudi royal family amongst others, announced today his impending marriage to Untembe a wild Zebra from Kenya.
Cheney to Girl Scouts: "Eat Me"
WASHINGTON - Vice President Dick Cheney, recently overheard dropping the "F-bomb" to Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-Vermont, has struck again. At a brief photo op this morning, he told the members of Girl Scout Troop 1327 of Neurath, Alabama to &qu...
Brett Favre Named Replacement For God
Fantastic quarterback and grade-A father Brett Favre has received a great honor this week in being named the replacement for God.
Greenspan forecasts doom if he dies
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Alan Greenspan said that the Federal Reserve will run out of money and the world will fall into financial despair when he dies.
FEC Rules Fahrenheit 9/11 Ads are Political Ads: Moore Ties with Bush and Kerry in National Poll!
Unconfirmed Sources indicate that the FEC ruling that ads for Fahrenheit 9-11 are political ads has catapulted Michael Moore into the presidential election. A national snap poll of likely voters has all three candidates tied at 33% with 1% undecided.
George W. Bush Comments on the Values of America
President George W. Bush, speaking at the NATO Summit in Turkey said that embracing the principles of democracy does not mean embracing American culture. "Look at me," said President Bush during comments made at the Summit, " I'm the least cultural p...
Post-Natal Abortion Legalized
LONDON, England -- A new law, just approved by parliament, requires all prospective parents to sign a Declaration of Parenthood after the birth of their child and before the infant receives any official documents. Until this paper is signed, the newl...
Mr. Bojangles joins Clinton on book tour
MACON, Ga. -- Famous song-and-dance man Mr. Bojangles has joined Bill Clinton on his promotional book tour.
Four Idols: The Next Great Supergroup
If you thought the American Idol craze was finally over, think again: The first supergroup is being formed, and it's made up of the final two contestants from each of the past two seasons.
Republican Party Seeks Replacement for George W. Bush
Republicans are scrambling to find a candidate to replace George W. Bush in time for the Republican National Convention in New York City this August. While six months ago President Bush looked like such a shoo in for the nomination that the GOP never...
Kurt Cobain Found Alive
Singer/guitarist of Nirvana found alive at a K-Mart in Idaho, writing sad lyrics and surprising everyone.
All Britney Spears news stories banned
CHICAGO -- A policy created by the United Association of Press Writers (UAPW) in a unanimous vote calls for all newspapers and agencies to ban Britney Spears stories.
Donald Rumsfeld in Sex Shocker!
The Pentagon press corps was embarrassed by Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld's "coming out" announcement this morning at the 9 A. M. briefing. Mr. Rumsfeld, normally conservative in appearance and manner, seemed uncharacteristically...
Matrix fan "thrilled" his new English teacher is Greg Anderson
BLOOMINGTON, MN- Mike Brown, a freshman and "Matrix" fan at Bloomington Public High School has something to wait for next fall: His new English teacher is Greg Anderson.
George W Bush in drink/drugs hell
WASHINGTON (AP) - During a candid interview with Geraldo Rivera on NBC's Internight discussion program, President George W Bush spoke about his 'drink/drugs hell'.
L'Oreal Scientists Discover New Elements
PARIS: Scientists from the L'Oreal Institute of Cosmetic Research yesterday announced that they had discovered and named two new chemical elements - Nutrileum™ and Boswelox™. The news threatens to render millions of chemistry textbooks obsolete,...
Tony Blair takes Bill Clinton on to be his Advisor/Lover
On Monday, Tony Blair will officially take Bill Clinton on as an advisor about the US. Since President Bush is making Osama Bin Laden his new Vice president, Blair figured he'd need someone with an inside track.
FCC URGED TO FINE VICE-PRESIDENT CHENEY FOR DECENCY VIOLATION
Washington (June 29) - Under intense public pressure including a personal appeal from shock jock Howard Stern, the Federal Communications Commission is considering fining Vice-President Dick Cheney $275,000 for using the f-word in a conversation with...
George W. Bush Addicted to Viagra!
THE WHITE HOUSE (AP) Richard Tubb, M.D., director of the White House Medical Unit and President Bush's personal physician told reporters that President George W. Bush had to undergo emergency treatment last night for an "uncontrolled erectio...
George W. Bush: "I don't think I'm gay!"
WASHINGTON (AP) Since his recent TV appearance on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy", President George W. Bush has been spending a lot of time in locked in his bedroom. Barbara Bush says, "He just stands in his closet looking at his clot...
Divine Intervention - Creed Calls it Quits!
HELL (AP) -- Creed, the pseudo-Christian rockers responsible for such noise pollution as "Higher" and "With Arms Wide Open," finally called it quits Monday after lead singer Scott Stapp suffered serious injuries while performing a Jesus Christ pose.
Creative Writing Staff Fired at University of Iowa; Realtors To Teach
Iowa City, IA--The University of Iowa today fired all faculty members in its prestigious creative writing program and replaced them with realtors who had $4 million or more of residential sales during the preceding year.
Jonathan Franzen and Oprah Winfrey Collaborate on Book
Los Angeles, CA--Author Jonathan Franzen and television personality Oprah Winfrey have written a book together, which is scheduled to be released next week in hardcover for $24.95. It will be available at all major bookstores but will not be promoted...
Supreme Court tells atheist to go to hell
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Supreme Court has ruled to preserve the phrase "one nation, under God," in the Pledge of Allegiance, saying that a California atheist who challenged the phrase should accept it or go to hell.
John Mayer Accused of Being "Repetitive Story Teller"
New York - John Mayer, the talented 26 year-old singer/songwriter has been the recipient of many accolades and awards in his short career, but now the bright glare of the spotlight may be bringing unwanted attention to the affable talent.
Guitarists perform at Clapton festival
DALLAS, Texas - Guitar-king Eric Clapton hosted a three-day festival featuring tens of guitarists, all of whom played guitars once owned and recently auctioned by Clapton. Proceeds from the guitars and the festival went to Crossroads Centre, the non...
George Bush names Dr. Phil to replace Dick Cheney
WASHINGTON - A deafening collective cheer was heard from Republicans across the nation today when President George Bush named beloved talk show host, Dr. Phil McGraw, as his VP replacement in the upcoming November election.
ESPN Formally Apologizes to Utopiafootball.com
Several months ago on his ESPN Radio show Sportscenter Anchor Dan Patrick proclaimed that McPherson College could make a claim for the Sugar Bowl on a list comprised of who beat who during the 2003 College Football season. Patrick made reference to...
Michael Moore Praises Atkins' Diet
America's king of controversy has taken up the Atkins challenge in an attempt to gain more credibility for his work. In a statement, Moore said, "It's not easy being a serious director with my image. When people see me, they expect my films to be the...
Top 10 Reasons Why Sonia Gandhi Declined To Become PM
10. Needs more time to learn to speak extempore and without a European accent.
9. Did not want to become the head of third-world country.
8. Did not understand the President when he asked, "Would you like to avoid controversy and let somebody else in your party become Prime Minister?," in HINDI and she simply replied, "Yes."
7. Could not find a replacement to manage the Rajiv Gandhi Found...
Dakota Fanning, A New Mother
Actress Hannah Dakota Fanning has just had a baby. At 10:40PM June 15th, the young actress gave birth to a 4 pound girl which she is still discussing with her mother of whether to keep the baby or give her up for adoption, as Sheryl Crow was very r...
National Day of Morning For Ronald Reagan
President George W. Bush has declared Friday, June 11 as a National Day of Morning in honor of Dead President Ronald Reagan. It is unknown at this point exactly how a day that is only morning will work, as this has never been tried before, but most r...
Texas Town to be a 'Safe Haven'
Dryfield, Texas - Dryfield Town Meeting on June 10 voted to adopt a 13-year-old Safe Haven home rule petition, which says the town will petition the Legislature to amend the Texas general laws to allow men to drop off their child at a fire station or police station when it's up to 13 years old.
Texas will be the first state to adopt a safe haven law for unwanted teenagers.
Michael Moore Decides to "Literally" Breast Feed Hollywood Liberals Too
LOS ANGELES - After the star-studded Hollywood premiere of his new film Fahrenheit 9/11, creator Michael Moore felt he had to finish the evening off by inviting the entire audience back to his home to give them even more of exactly what they want.
Queen, Blair, Beckham quit over Euro2004 defeat
The Queen, the British prime minister and team captain quit their posts over England's shocking defeat by Portugal in the Euro2004.
Eastwood to star in next Harry Potter Film
Hollywood, CA - Studio executives at Warner Brothers have been gushing over with excitement at the latest news: Clint Eastwood is finally resurrecting his "Dirty Harry" character.
Baltimore, Detroit vie for Most Murders
This year the nation is focused on one of the tightest races in history. The question on everyone's mind is not Kerry or Bush, but rather Baltimore or Detroit? Which city will take back the coveted homicide title that has eluded them in recent year...
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