Spoof news stories from Thursday 29 April 2004
I'm on Google, Therefore, I Am
Athens - At the World Philosopher's Conference, the world's smartest philospher Socrates Jones proved that people and things only exist if they can be found on Google.
Bo Donaldson, Heywoods, First Class, Paper Lace: Bush "Dumb"
(Blakeslee, PA) Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods, a band briefly famous for its 1974 hit, "Billy, Don't Be A Hero", has gone on record as describing president George W. Bush as "dumb".
Bush, Cheney Testify Before 9/11 Commission, Say It Was All Clinton's Fault
Washington D.C.
The 9/11 Commission today heard testimony from U.S. President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney as to the ac...
Leaked George Bush Transcripts Unveil Election Strategy: Sexual Innuendo
In January 2002 the British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, met the leader of the free world "W", to discuss changes in the world's political and social landscape. The following text is an "un-declassified" transcript of a private...
Graduate Student Now Embarrassed By Old Email Address
Duluth, MN-University of Minnesota graduate student Ben Arnold admits the past can sometimes be hard to live down, especially when you are forced to revisit it every day. Arnold, a second year Pharmaceutical student, carries his albatross, herblvr...
Tourists to be banned from new EU states
New EU entrant countries are to be forced to prohibit tourists visting their countries for the first three years of their membership over concerns that eased mobility may result in lost tourism revenue in established EU member states.
iTunes extended to allow Burrito Download.
Silicon Valley - It's been one year since Apple launched its iTunes music download service, and by all measures it has been a success. That's not enough though for ambitions CEO Steve Jobs who is now extending the service to include food and snacks...
Balkans Erupt After Barflies Rehash Old Argument About Whether Alexander The Great Was Greek
War has once again consumed the Balkans, following an argument in a bar in Skopje as to whether legendary conqueror Alexander The Great was Greek or Macedonian.
Lost City Found By Child
Legendary lost city Atlantis has finally been discovered - by a little girl!...
Rare Rabbie burns poem found could be "worth millions"
An unheard poem penned by the famous Scottish poet Robert "Rabbie" Burns was put on auction today at Sothebys in London and was said by experts to potentially be worth more that 2 million pounds.
Scientists Now Believe Several U.S. Presidents May Have Been White
(Bethesda) A group of government scientists, employing new technologies in the field of DNA analysis, have reached the surprising conclusion that at least four and perhaps as many as eight past U.S. Presidents may in fact have been "white guys.
President Totally Freaked Out, Sources Say
Washington - According to sources speaking to The Spoof on condition of anonymity, President Bush is totally freaked out.
Bush Decries "Fancy Book Learnin'"
Washington -- In an early afternoon press conference, President Bush defended his administration's stance on education cuts, citing executive duty to curtail "all that fancy book learnin'."...
Redneck Publishes Roadkill Cookbook
Cousinpoke, Alabama -- Gourmands and publishers alike are basking in the success of America's latest gourmet genius. Clem Dinkley, 47, former tractor-pull aficionado and trapper burned up the New York Times Bestseller list this week with the pub...
Cyprus: Turks Praise, Greeks Attack Greek-Cypriot 'No' Vote
"It is neither the government nor our diplomatic team that saved Turkey from being dragged down a very dangerous road, but the Greek Cypriots," said Turkish opposition Republican People's Party (CHP) leader Deniz Baykal on Monday.
Elizabeth Cheney Asks: What Did You Do In the War Daddy?
Vice President Dick (Dick) Cheney, who has been acting as the Administrations attack dog in the John Kerry military service controversy has suddenly found himself on the defensive after Mr. Kerry pointed out that the vitriolic veep had received four...
Kermit The Frog Found Dead.
(New York, NY) April 28, 2004 - Kermit the Frog, former superstar of the puppet world and host of "The Muppet Show," was found dead Tuesday morning in his apartment on Sesame Street.