Spoof news stories from Tuesday 27 April 2004
Ohio BB Poster First To Expose Sinister Bush-Cheney-Halliburton Link
(Youngstown) Matthew Barnett, 19, a sophomore at Youngstown (Ohio) Community College, yesterday became the first American to expose the heretofore covert link between George Bush, Dick Cheney, and Halliburton. The stunning and nefarious web of Whi...
Christina Aguilera Downgraded By Wachovia Securities
NEW YORK, April 27 (New Ratings) - Analysts at Wachovia Securities downgraded Christina Aguilera (NYSE: STD) from "skanky but doable" to "not with a ten foot pole."...
Germany Demands Freedom for European Nazis
A Russian-cum-Belarus-sponsored resolution at the Geneva conference on human rights against racism and xenophobia expressed deep concern at the tendency of some states to glorify former members of the SS, instituting monuments in their honour and all...
McDonald's add Automobiles to the Menu. Results Disappointing.
In an aggressive attempt to diversify into new markets, fast food giants McDonald's now allow customers to super-duper-size their order by adding a car or minivan.
American Idol Votes for Jennifer Hudson Were Sent to a Blender
Last week, many American Idol fans were outraged when Jennifer Hudson was voted off the show. An investigation revealed that the votes for Hundson sent via text messaging were sent to an internet blender in Iowa, owned by local health nut Mavis Higg...
Monster G.M. Flies Flatten Old Gits
Shock waves rippled across the sun-drenched Spanish Costas as the latest death toll figures from Genetically Modified Flies were released, today.
Man-Eating Vicar Caught Red Handed
A Dorset village is reeling from the discovery that their trusted parish priest is a cannibal.
You Could be Watching Television Right Now
In 1993 my wife and I moved to the Catskill Mountains. We soon realized that there in the hills antenna based TV reception was impossible. We had just spent all our money on the down payment for our property, so we were too cash strapped to buy one of those huge satellite dishes that were so popular back then. We were also too far in the then wilderness to have any cable lines on our road ( actual...
Red Ken's Pigeons Taken On Cocaine Trips
Pigeon hating Ken Livingstone, the once-troubled mayor of London, shocked animal rights groups when he issued a death warrant for all of the ‘flying rats' in his fair city.
Rep. Party Whip, Tom DeLay, in Drunken Fit Lambasts OSHA Regulators for Jobs' Loss
Yesterday while pulling into one of his favorite drive-up "Liquor & Ammo" stores in West Texas, Republican House Party Whip, Tom DeLay, with Jack Daniels in hand, held raucous caucus to about 25 local drunken yahoos, proclaiming "The E...
Google in terrorist shocker!
Internet giants Google and Amazon today were charged under the homelands security act with supporting terrorism today after a White House aide typ...
UN Scam: Was $ Earmarked For Enrichment Of Saddam Wrongfully Diverted To Starving Iraqis?
(New York)-- United Nations Secretary General Kofi Annan today declined comment about reports that several thousand dollars from the tens of billions due to Saddam Hussein and his Russian and French designees under the UN's "Oil-For-Velvet...
Hearts and minds battle plan revealed.
The US government today announced a new initiative today to win the battle for hearts and minds in Iraq.
Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building.
I awoke this morning and put some music on while I pondered what to do with my day off.
There was a knock at the door.
Health Canada Said To Consider Daring New "Vaccination" Initiative
(OTTAWA)-- Almost twenty years to the day after the passage of the epochal Canada Health Act, Canada's Health Act Division has released a series of stunning new initiatives for the country's legendary publicly funded health care system. E...