Spoof news stories from 2004
There were 3,204 spoof news stories published in 2004. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to browse the spoof news archives.
Janet Jackson's Superbowl Nipple Slip Reveals She's A Cyborg
The Superbowl halftime show, produced by MTV, promised some surprises, and boy did it deliver. At the end of a performance by pop icons Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson, Timberlake ripped off the cup covering Jackson's right breast, to reveal...
Man Loses Penis to Bear Trap
ESTES PARK, Co - In what paramedics called a freak accident', tourist Ben Miller lost his penis in a bear trap at an Estes Park souvenir shop. Miller, a 39 year old draftsman from Orlando, Florida, and his family were visiting the Big Thompson Rive...
Second Paris Hilton Sex Tape Surfaces, No One Cares
Once again, an adult themed website has posted exclusive footage of Paris Hilton having sex with some guy she dated a couple years ago. The 25-minute tape shows Paris and as yet unnamed paramour, having sex in numerous positions, with Paris clearly...
Olsen Twins to Film Porn Movie on 18th Birthday
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, best known collectively as the ape-faced baby on the long-running ABC sitcom "Full House" have announced plans to get nude and film a full length porno movie on their 18th birthday which is June 13 of this year. Misguided...
Osama Bin Laden to Endorse George W. Bush in 2004 Election
In a shocking new videotape obtained by Al Jazeera television, Osama Bin Laden announced that he would be endorsing George W. Bush for the 2004 elections, and would be doing all he could to get Bush re-elected. Bin Laden announced his plans to perso...
Mattel Rejects Suicide Bomber Barbie
EL SEGUNDO, Ca - In a not-so-surprising move, Mattel executives unanimously rejected their marketing department's latest submission: Suicide Bomber Barbie. "This would surely become a political hot-potato," explained June Cabrini, Executi...
Clothing Designer Killed
Sydney ,Australia -- Reg Grundies,fashion Guru extrordinaire,and inventor of the Y-front and Jockette line of mens underwear ,was killed today.
50Cent to Rule Haiti, Renames Country
PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti - Promising to "lay it down on the mic", rap star 50Cent has announced that he will rule Haiti. "I don't need no Grammy for Best New Artist gangstaaa, I'll be runnin' my own d*mn...
Political Correctness - can it really be applied to Ginger people?
Midgets. Dwarves. Shortarses. Umpa-Lumpas. These types of terms are not politically correct. Munchkins - there, another one. Vertically challenged people recently won a ruling to have themselves referred to as 'little people' and its wrong to...
Bigfoot found, shot down in cold blood
REDCLIFF, Wash. -- A hunter claims that he saw the legendary beast known as Bigfoot, shot him five times through the chest and watched it bleed to death in a remote part of Washington state.
John Kerry names Johnny Depp as running mate
WASHINGTON - Presidential hopeful and Massachusetts Senator John Kerry today announced he has offered Johnny Depp first refusal of the coveted VP spot in his Democratic bid for the White House.
Kerry's Unknown Star Wars Bit Gig
John F. Kerry, Democratic Presidential hopeful, was, unknown to most fans, a bit character in the last Star Wars movie Episode II: Attack of the Clones.
Michael Moore and Vin Diesel sign up for Da Vinci Code' movie
Film-maker Michael Moore, renowned for his documentary work on Bowling for Columbine and Fahrenheit 9/11, has agreed to turn his style and skill to the forthcoming movie of the international bestseller The Da Vinci Code'.
Boy's Wal-Mart Telescope Shames Hubble
DUMAS, Tx - James McBride, a 14 year old amateur astronomer from Dumas, Texas, has captured a stunning image of a four-nebula cluster he has nicknamed "Face of God." The Texas panhandle resident captured the image using nothing more than a disposabl...
Drill Sergeant Takes Over Iraq, Makes Whole Country Drop For Push-Ups
Parris Island, NC - Iraqis woke up this morning to the sounds of profanity and shouting this morning when control of Iraq was handed over to Marine Corps Drill Instructor Gunnery Sergeant Heartman.
American Idol News: New Judges Next Season. Simon remains; Omarosa and MJ Replace Paula and Randy
Omarosa has done it again. The Apprentice outcast will be joining Michael Jackson and Simon Cowell as judges on next season's American Idol and Simon isn't happy. Simon and Omarosa got into a feisty argument and your favorite writer KungFu Iceskat...
Wal-Mart Announces Plans to "Rollback" Wages, Employment Practices
Wal-Mart, Inc., the world's largest retailer, has announced plans to expand its wildly successful "Rollback" program to its wages and employment practices, according to a company spokesperson. "The concept of the rollback is extremely simple," compa...
Janet's Nipple Ripple
The aftershocks of Janet Jackson's and Justin Timberlake's strip tease at the Super Bowl are still being felt several weeks later. The latest event to fall victim to the tasteless in-your-face incident is an ABC biopic about Lena Horne.
50 Cent Arrested in Shooting of Ja Rule and Ashanti
Rapper 50 Cent, who still hasn't forgotten his hatred for rival Ja Rule, was recently arrested for the shooting of the two main stars of The Inc., Rule and Ashanti. He said, "I finally got those motherf***ers back!"...
Britney Spears Pregnant, Seeks Annulment of Wild Sex Romp
Pop sensation Britney Spears is reportedly carrying the love child of a random fan she met backstage at a concert in L.A. last year. This intrepid reporter was able to get an exclusive interview with Britney before she was able to speak with either...
After Tour de France, Lance Armstrong says, "We are over, Sheryl Crow!"
Well people, it looks as though our friends Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong are no more. Armstrong reluctantly broke up with his girlfriend of one year last week, after winning the Tour de France.
Laura Bush Seeks Divorce
Citing "irreconcilable indifferences, his thing is way too small and other problems," Laura Bush has filed for divorce against King George the Dunce.
Ken Jennings Loses On Purpose, Heated Rivalry With Trebek To Blame
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA-- In an unexpected turn of events Thursday, longtime Jeopardy winner, Ken Jennings, lost on purpose as a publicity stunt in spite of Alex Trebek. From the beginning of the show, Jennings just stood there with a smirk on his...
Diana Degarmo's Meltdown
Diana Degarmo finally broke down and cried today. "I'm so f***in' sick and tired of being the nice and sweet girl. I ain't got no street cred since doing this whack American Idol. People don't even think I'm latina enough. It...
Wheelchair-Bound Frogs Sue Leg-Eating French
PARIS, FRANCE--A group of disgruntled, disabled and above all disorientated frogs are suing the population of France, past and present, over their ongoing culinary pursuit of frog's legs.
Stephen Hawking sues Microsoft for copying his voice
World-famous cosmologist and theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking has today filed a lawsuit against Microsoft Corporation for unlawful replication of his trademark computerised voice.
SpongeBob Squarepants On Atkins Diet
A spokesperson for SpongeBob Squarepants said on Wednesday that the undersea sensation will be using the Atkins Diet to lose some unwanted pounds, in order to broaden his acting horizons. "[Sponge]Bob does not want to be typecast. He wants to...
Survivor All-Stars Finale: Amber Wins, Boston Rob Proposes, Jenna Pregnant
Madison Square Garden, NY- In a live CBS broadcast, Amber walked away with the $1 million prize and a modest diamond engagement ring from Boston Rob, in the season finale of "Survivor."...
Neverland Ranch For Sale (Classified Ad)
NAMBLA Times
For sale to NAMBLA (North American Man-Boy Love Association) member in good standing, one 37,000 SF Estate named Neverland Ranch. Known as the Crown Jewel of Beverly Hills, this exciting property sits high atop a steep cliff where you can spot police cars and irate parents coming from miles away.
Christina Aguilera Downgraded By Wachovia Securities
NEW YORK, April 27 (New Ratings) - Analysts at Wachovia Securities downgraded Christina Aguilera (NYSE: STD) from "skanky but doable" to "not with a ten foot pole."...
Right Breast Spotted at Half-time -- Left Pup a No-Show at Super Bowl!
Tits Have a History of Exposure!...
Google to shut down Gmail
Google confirmed that it will shut down its beta Gmail email service in July.
Rachel McAdams; Mean girl on and off screen
Rachel McAdams may of only just hit the hollywood scene, but she's already causing a stir. The 28-year old Mean Girls and The Notebook star has been described as "very fussy and suitable for the mean girls movie." By her
American Idol Stunner: Simon Cowell Fired For Sexually Harassing Paula Abdul
LOS ANGELES - Simon Cowell was fired from American Idol this morning for sexually harassing Paula Abdul. Sources close to Miss Abdul say that she is livid. Apparently, six months ago, Simon bet Paula that he'd have her "spanking daddy" in bed, within...
Asteroid plummets toward Britney Spears concert -- NASA launches rocket in attempt to speed it up
Astronomers who spotted a near-earth object approximately 220,000 miles from our planet have calculated the speed and trajectory of the object in relation to orbit speed. They have concluded that the large asteroid will impact directly on the San Die...
Goldilocks Sues Three Bears
The Forest- Speaking up for herself after years of silence, Goldilocks confirmed her intent to "sue the pants off" the three bears. "I've undergone years of therapy," said the golden-locked beauty, "I'm sure you can imagine, post-traumatic st...
Hurricane Charlie "farts" on Florida
St. Petersburgh, FL- According to Deputy Assistant Weather Chairperson on Hurricane Development and Other Related Things (DAWCHDORT), Michael Snodgrass, Florida is in for a titanic blast from nature. The trail end of hurricane Charlie will be shooti...
Ken Jennings reveals Jeopardy! winning strategy
As rumors continue that Ken Jennings has lost his 75th Jeopardy! competition, he has decided to reveal his winning strategy...and the reason his record-breaking stance as the largest money winner in Jeopardy! history has ended.
Quel Surprise! France announces a complete ban of sexist and homophobic comments.
Paris, France - In an extraordinary turn of events, France's National Assembly, not content with making sexist and homophobic remarks illegal, has now banned the use of stereotypes as well.
McDonalds of Holland to introduce McSex' ® menu
RED LIGHT DISTRICT, Amsterdam - McDonalds Corporation Holland today announced a fresh approach to its establishment menus that will take the slogan, "I'm lovin' it" rather more literally.
Osama Bin Laden Captured, Found In U.S. Army
FORT BENNING, GEORGIA-- The Bush administration received yet another shocking blow today when, it was discovered today that Osama Bin Laden has been in the United States Army this entire time ever since September 11th.
Santa Claus Outsources To India
In the Santa Clause Village in Rovaniemi, Finland, Christmas is a yearlong affair. Though Santa collects lists and delivers presents in a few days before Christmas, workers at the Santa Claus Operations (SCO) centre have to work all throughout the ye...
Hockey Hit-Man Bertuzzi Makes Many Apologies, Says He Didn't Mean It
TORONTO, Canada (FP) -- Todd Bertuzzi, an All-Star NHL forward, publically apologized to Colorado's Steve Moore, the man whose neck he broke with one damaging punch.
Next "Survivor" Underway
Los Angeles, CA- Mark Burnett, producer and creator of the popular "Survivor" reality series on CBS, announced taping is underway for "Survivor: Antarctica", set to premier next fall.
Research Reveals More Women Purchase Cars at Night
DETROIT FREE PRESS
A study recently completed by the Ford Motor Company shows that women are twice as likely to shop for cars during the evening as...
Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich attributed to Cheesus
PORT TRINITY, TN - Just when everyone thought the Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich on Ebay was the most famous holy food relic to date, along comes Harvey Romano of Port Trinity, Tennessee, with his claim to a Velveeta holy sculpture.
Angry Vegetables - A Threat to Health?
Washington, D.C., U.S.A. - Scientists at the Scientific Test Area for Recent Vegetable Eating (S.T.A.R.V.E.) have confirmed that the vegetarian movement may be causing a significant shift in the natural order of our food chain.
Paris Hilton to Have Sex on Next SpaceshipOne Mission!
"I've had sex everywhere else; now I want to do it in space!" says Paris Hilton, slutty heiress to the Hilton Hotel fortune. "I've already booked passage on that new private Spaceship One. Rick Salomon is going up with me and...
Elmo detained at Guantanamo Bay
Lovable and cuddly child icon Elmo was deported today to Camp X-ray, Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, charged with planning acts of terror against the state.
Kermit The Frog Found Dead.
(New York, NY) April 28, 2004 - Kermit the Frog, former superstar of the puppet world and host of "The Muppet Show," was found dead Tuesday morning in his apartment on Sesame Street.
Madonna quits show biz; press blames her tits
REDONDO BEACH, Calif. -- In a shocking announcement, Madonna is calling her show business career quits. Rumors persist that the decision has all to do with the diva's tits.
Mike Tyson to Host Reality Series, Faces Lawsuits
A day after regaining his license to fight in the state of New Jersey, former heavyweight champion of the world Mike Tyson announced that he has begun taping a reality show titled "Black Eye for the White Guy" for the Bravo network. The sho...
American Idol Shocking Revelation: Simon Cowell Confesses To Secret Crush on Latoya London
LOS ANGELES Wednesday May 12th 2004.
Best Dressed at the 2004 Oscars
Hollywood, CA
In respect to the Super Tuesday yesterday, fashionistas waited to give their final review of Oscar's best and worst dressed.
Nude Newborn Shocks Doc
Presque Isle, ME - If any more evidence of America's moral decay were needed, it came at 4:17 yesterday afternoon. In a delivery room at the Aroostook Medical Center, Dr. Joyce Hebert brought a healthy 7.7 lbs. baby boy into this world; but imagine...
Blue Man Group Shocks GOP Convention
In the second over-the-top performance at a major political event this summer, Blue Man Group joins Whoopi Goldberg as the most recent inductee into the Hall of Shame. The vulgar, often X-rated performance lampooned everything from gay marriage to Ke...
Passion Of The Christ: A Warlock Hunt
Much controversy has surrounded Mel Gibson's film about the brutal torture and murder of humanity's most well-known religious figure. Taken from the gospel accounts in the Bible, the story revolves around the people who were ultimately respon...
Oscar Wrap-Up
Hollywood, CA
The 76th Annual Academy Awards were last night. Charlize Theron won for Best Actress proving that Oscar believes that when a pret...
Martha Stewart's Replacement Finally Found
NEW YORK, NEW YORK - After a six month struggle through open casting calls with stringent negative qualifications required for candidates to make it beyond the initial application phase in a search to replace the now-tainted hostess, Martha St...
Satan University
(Auburn, Alabama) Auburn University will change its name as of July 1, 2004 to Satan University. Speaking to the assembled press outside the Haley Center, Auburn President Joey Klind made the announcement saying it...
Bush Becomes Iraqi President Ahead Of U.S. Elections
Iraqi state television announced yesterday evening that U.S. President George W. Bush has been elected the new Iraqi president. Bush will be taking over from the former "interim" President Ghazi Yawer.
Kerry Selects Pee Wee Herman as Running Mate!
Los Angeles, CA. - John Kerry has announced his running mate for the 2004 election - Pee Wee Herman.
Man sues Smith & Wesson after failed suicide attempt
DETROIT - A Michigan man has announced a lawsuit against gun-maker Smith & Wesson after a supposedly failed suicide attempt. Marko Splitzman, a thirty-something man with a history of depression, suffered severe head injuries after attempting to kill...
Simon Cowell Fired From American Idol Due To Passing on William Hung
After William Hung's CD, Inspiration, went platinum, American Idol judge Simon Cowell was fired from the show.
New American Idol Controversy
Hollywood, Ca --
There is a new American Idol controversy behind the scenes that you may or may not know about. This Spoof reporter goes to th...
American Idol Shock And Awe: Simon Cowell Heart Attack; Argues With Spoof Writer KungFu IceSkater
The only music industry executive who actually deserves to change his name (from Clive Davis to "The Smackdown" or "Head Pimp In Charge") caused Simon Cowell, raconteur extraordinaire and future star of "The Limey 2", to have a heart attack early Wed...
"Seinfeld" actor Jason Alexander aroused, thinks he married Britney Spears
Actor Jason Alexander, the short, stocky and balding actor of "Seinfeld" fame, awoke this morning after a long night of partying, and was stunned but visibly aroused after reading the USA Today and learning that he had married pop star Brit...
Low-Down on the Don Ho American Idol Conspiracy
USA --
The whole country was in shock from 9:55 - 9:57 EST last night as LaToya London was voted off of American Idol.
"Man, this i...
World Idol In Hot Soup, and other Idol News
After Last Night's announcement, World Idol winner Kurt Nilsen, from Norway, has been offered an advertising deal, by Campbell's Soup. Nilsen, who sports a huge gap between his teeth, will be seen on billboards all over the world, sucking soup throug...
George Bush violated by Elmo during forthcoming election speech
The world thought of Elmo as a cuddly little puppet beloved by children everywhere but that all changed today when Elmo crept up behind George W. Bush after administering enormous amouts of viagra to himself and beg...
King Kong remake stalled over penis dispute
Renowned director Steven Spielberg's remake of the 1933 cult monster classic King Kong' has stalled in the pre-production phase, in a row over whether the giant ape should have a visible 10-foot penis.
Brett Favre to finally correct spelling of his last name
In an announcement that has rocked the sporting world at it's core, quarterback Brett Favre has finally admitted his ancestors made a horrible mistake in the spelling of the family's last name.
Britney Spears Adds Third Breast
When she first burst on the pop music scene Britney Spears was a young, relatively talented, relatively flat-chested girl. Within a year or so as her career took off, so did the size of her chest. Or perhaps more accurately, as her breasts...
Lance Armstrong: "It's all her fault!"
Cycling champion Lance Armstrong is severely irate these days about his falling behind in the Tour de France, claiming that he has been currently in dazes during the race. I guess this explains why he was in fourth place for a majority of tim...
AFL-CIO Supports Intestinal Bacteria Strike Plan
Colon - Frustrated by what they referred to as "inhumane" conditions, tens of millions of bacteria in your large intestine issued a comprehensive set of work rules demands today. Ranging from improved lighting and ventilation to greater security, th...
Oops! Britney Gets Married Again...to William Hung!
Britney Spears has decided that her first wedding wasn't shocking enough so she got married in a quickie Vegas ceremony again.
John Kerry Captures Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan
ISLAMABAD. In a mighty strike to the core of infamous terror group Al-Qaeda, Democratic Presidential candidate Sen. John Kerry , assisted by a small privately contracted army of expert fighters and strategists, captured terrorist leader Osama bin La...
American Idol Winner Announced
Yes, almost two full days before the results show, this reporter has learned who will win American Idol.
Apple Computer Issues Gwyneth Paltrow Ultimatum: Rename your baby or we sue
The head honchos at Apple Computer have contacted Gwyneth Paltrow and her rocker-husband, Chris Martin, and told them in no uncertain terms that they must rename their baby.
Iranian Frog Gives Birth to "Judy Finnegan"
An Iranian newspaper has reported the controversial story of a frog who claims to have given birth to a Daytime Television presenter.
Pope slams Windows - calls it "diabolical" - dubs Bill Gates "spawn of Satan"
Vatican City, Monday
Vatican sources today confirmed the rumor that Pope John Paul II last week experienced problems with his laptop computer, caus...
Pepsi Addiction Grips Ashley Olsen
New York City -- Billionaire media mogul Ashley Olsen is suffering from a crippling addiction to Pepsi-Cola, according to a source close to her family. The teen star entered a "Carbonated Beverage Detox Center" on Thursday.
Indian actress bills Clinton for sex
An Indian actress has claimed that former United States President Bill Clinton had sex with her and has not yet paid the bill.
Friends' Final Episode: A Big Disappointment
A Gallup poll commissioned by NBC competitor, The Spice Channel (?), finds that 90% of Spice Channel viewers were highly disappointed with the final episode of Friends.
Paris Hilton Gives Out "Sex Flight Training" Email Address!
As reported earlier, Paris Hilton has been going though extensive flight training for her upcoming porno film to be made in space on a special flight aboa...
Ted Koppel to honor all US troops on ABC Nightline
NEW YORK -- ABC's popular news show, Nightline, has agreed not to air their scheduled broadcast of the names and photographs of US soldiers killed in Oilperation Iraqi Freedom.
Keanu Reeves Released From Jail
Keanu Reeves was released from jail today after paying a massive six million dollar bail.
Hard Time for Kerry at First Transvestite Concert
Senator Kerry held his first joint Transvestite Concert with British comedian Eddie Izzard in San Francisco. 12 additional Transvestite concerts were scheduled as Kerry attempts to appeal to another minority group in his bid for the Presidency. Sen...
Hitler ad compares MoveOn.org to Bush
A shocking and strongly worded advertisement placed in The New York Times and signed by "A. Hitler" has compared MoveOn.org to President Bush. All sides are now offended.
Paula Zahn Has Orgasm On Live TV!
WASHINGTON (CNN)
Cable News Network news anchor Paula Zahn had an unusual interview Wednesday evening with presidential candidate John Kerry. Discu...
Gollum Fired from Hobbit Movie
Gollum, one of the stars of movie director Peter Jackson's epic Lord of the Rings trilogy, has been dramatically sacked from the cast of The Hobbit.
Carrot Top Does More Commercials; Suicide Rate Rises
Comedian Carrot Top has recently supplied AT&T with a new commercial, much to the disappointment of nearly everyone everywhere. "You know, for a while there I was almost sure he had died - I thought I even read about it somewhere." Said an...
IOC Introduces NASCAR to the Olympics
Aug. 2004, Dover Downs, DE, The International Olympic Committee (IOC) today announced that NASCAR Racing would be added to the summer Olympics in 2008. The Committee members left the Hotel Athens after a marathon session where the issue of N...
Thousands of Teen Girls Vie for Part in Orlando Bloom Movie
LEXINGTON, Ky--At least 50,000 screaming teenage girls appeared at a general casting call for the Cameron Crowe film "Elizabethtown" starring Orlando Bloom.
Britney Spears' New Video Causes Outrage
New York - The early release of Britney Spears new video, Everytime, was met with huge amounts of criticism from activists all across the United States. In the video, Spears is seen taking some pills and ends up dead in the bathtub. The apparent su...
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