Spoof news stories from Monday 3 November 2003

Who Gave Rod Stewart a Bloody Knighthood ?

In a world that values scruffy, foulmouthed, talentless celebrities, it was refreshing to hear the news that Rod Stewart had been given a knighthood.

Timberlake Loves to Stroke his One-Eyed Trousersnake

Justin 'Cuddly-Buns' Timberlake has revealed his hidden secret: he has a three-foot trousersnake. Pop star and all-round bad-boy type Justin admitted to teen magazine 'Just Hit Puberty' that he is the proud owner of a 36 Inch beast, w...

Bob Carolgees: "I want to be Tory leader"

Star of Blackpool Pier and succesful Northern comic Bob Carolgees has put forward his bid for Tory leadership. Spit the Dog would be involved as well, though in what way we're not quite sure.

IDS Ruse Rumbled

A cunning ruse by Iain Duncan Smith was thwarted by the Conservative party today. The plan was uncovered when a Mrs Ivy Duncan Smyth was found to be running for Tory party leadership.

Nuclear Incident Blamed on Gamer

Shock and awe in the White House today as one of America's nuclear warheads went on its merry way to China. A gamer playing Command & Conquer: Generals online launched a nuclear weapon on the game, which unfortunately triggered a real nuclear str...

Cure for Death found

Scientists sensationally found a cure for the most common cause of fatality - death. More than 20 boffins in the USA found that death kills 99% of all people in the world, and searched hard for a cure.

World Beard Championships Reach Head

The World Beard and Moustache Championships have come to a head in Carson City, Nevada; with the first prize being won by Karl-Heinz Hille, stereotypically-named German from Berlin.