Spoof news stories from 2002
There were 182 spoof news stories published in 2002. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to browse the spoof news archives.
Glamour Girl Natalie Gets Tits Out For Lads!
Derek and Jill Lad were at their wits end after neighbours complained to the local authorities about the foul stench coming from the back of their house.
"We just couldn't figure it out," said Derek, "the smell was absolutely appalling!"
Derek,...
Nigella Lawson and Ronald McDonald to divorce
"It just wasn't working out between us" claimed Nigella, 73, emerging from the solicitors office with Ronald McDonald.
"I was on the bounce from John (Diamond, her previous husband who died a few years ago, was a top journalist and to whom this r...
Coronation Street Star gets Kylie's Arse
Coronation Street's master butcher, Fred Elliot, was the envy of the Showbiz world when he bought Kylie's bum at a charity auction.
The auction was held because the gorgeous megastar decided that it was only fair to share the 'leftovers' from the...
Bill and Ben Star Signs Sex Offender's Register
The entertainment world was today in uproar amid claims that Bill Flobalob, one half of the seventies incomprehensible children's duo Bill and Ben, had been forced to sign the sex offender's register.
Obesity-Related Injuries Reported
Mr. Homer Bloat, of Altoona, Pennsylvania, was arrested by police last week for his part in an incident in which several people were injured.
Mr. Bloat, who is very corpulent (and whose nickname in Immoblie Home), was given a jogging suit by his w...
Beckham's foot attacked
A nation gasped on Thursday when David Beckham's left foot, thought to be the most valuable body organ in the history of the world ever, was brutally assaulted, attacked and left for dead in a park this week. Mr Left Foot, who has often been rum...
Dog Once Again Unsuccessful in Mating
After a number of recent attempts, Lyle and Cindy Bennet's Yorkie, Rocky, continues to fail in his attempts to mate with a human arm.
New Dress Code Announced For Wimbledon 2004
TheSpoof can now exclusively reveal the long awaited changes to the dress code for this years Wimbledon tournament.
Woman Suffers Death By Max Bygraves
Police are investigating how a Yorkshire woman was killed today when a recording of Max Bygraves's song 'You Need Hands' became stuck in her CD player's replay mode.
"We estimate the song played well over three hundred times," said Inspector Moros...
Five Lost In Arkansas Blizzard
Almost half an inch of snow fell on Little Root, Arkansas this week. This unseasonable storm resulted in severe hardship in the area and has baffled meteorologists and banjo players alike.
Smile spotted in EastEnders
In a shocking movement, TheSpoof.com can exclusively reveal that someone has smiled on the set of the misery-misery BBC1 soap, EastEnders. The perpetrator is not yet known, but suspisions are mainly upon hardman, gruff-talking wild boar sou...
Rubik's cube to become school subject
The mighty Rubik's Cube is finally to become standard teaching! After spending 2 decades left out in the cold, teaching union: Matriculation On Another Nuance (MOAN) have finally gotten permission to include Rubik's Cube lessons as part of th...
Bin Laden caught by Jehovah's witnesses
17 year old genius Stan Freeman has instrumented the capture of Osama Bin Laden and collected the $25,000,000 Bounty.
Greek Spies Await Decision
A group of Greek holidaymakers are been held in Britain indefinitely whilst a decision is being made as to whether they should be formally charged with spying.
The twelve-strong group, disguised as two families, first aroused suspicions whe...
Slipknot Hire Llewelyn Bowen
In what is being heralded as the most surprising move in any band's career, thrash metallers "Slipknot" have hired the talents of interior designer Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen. Bowen, 36 is rumoured to be thrilled by the new prospect, and is already in t...
Phil 'The Power' Taylor wins Dutch Pop Idol
Darts legend, 9 times SKOL world champion, Phil 'The Power' Taylor has shocked pop fans in Holland by winning through the arduous Pop Idol Competition.
"Admittedly, the Dutch competition isn't as difficult as the British one, but Holland is a big...
Bobby Davro is EMINEM
Bobby Davro, considered one of the greatest living comedians has announced that he is the real slim shady! The announcement brings an end to rumours that Bobby Davro had started selling carpets.
"Yeah" he said "I am the mastermind behind Eminem.
Hero Squirrel Thwarts Nemesis
David the makeup wearing (though fully heterosexual) squirrel has, today, successfully thwarted the evil plan of his arch enemy Dr. Evil Squirrel, who was attempting to gain access to the USA's nuclear missile launch codes.
Dr. Evil Squirrel (kno...
Chuckle Bros. Involved in new QM Calamity
Shocking news has come into the TheSpoof offices today, as Barrie and Paul Chuckle are reportedly being held in cells until further police questioning, in relation to the molestation of the corpse of beloved public figure, the late queen mother.
End of the World
The End of The World conjures up several images, the first would be The Dave Matthews band and that song from the "Everyday" album "When the World Ends".
Mr. T Returns to TV
The 80s are making a comeback - and so is Mr. T, the gold-chain-wearing, mohawk-sporting tough guy from the 80s TV show, The A-Team. Though the 80s star has been appearing in more and more commercials recently, he's decided that he's once again read...
Easter Bunny children murder case solved
In a shocking twist of events it has been found that it was Mr. Playboy Bunny that killed three of the children of Mr. Easter Bunny.
Woman With Large Breasts Arrested
A woman with large breasts has been arrested today, following allegations of manslaughter due to her dangerously large bosom.
Lava Lamp Erupts On Right Tit
A lava lamp that has laid dormant for years has today erupted, taking countless lives and leaving thousands injured and without homes.
Robert Mugabe Goes Nude Ice Skating
Robert Mugabe celebrated his election victory, yesterday, by opening the 'Idi Amin' outdoor ice skating rink in the Zimbabwe capital, Harare.
Lighthouse Family Negative Shock
A member of the upbeat pop group the Lighthouse Family is still in intensive care today after thinking a negative thought.
Elephant banned from zoo for fouling
'The Ref Was blind!' was the first thing he said as we met. The alley was dark, and the only hint I had that my interviewee had arrived was the smell of cheap aftershave.
Golden Girls Reunion Halted by Incontinence
(Hollywood, CA) A long anticipated reunion movie of the popular television series The Golden Girls was halted when all four stars of the show found it difficult to get through shooting without soiling themselves.
Thatcher's Gob Dead!
Margaret Thatcher pretty much died this week, now that she's unable to spook politicians with her outspoken brain-thoughts.
TheSpoof.com takes a look back at her mouth's life?
1959 - Elected as Member of Parliament for the first time. A yout...
Spokespuppet commits suicide
A spokespuppet for a famous petstore committed suicide last night.
The owner of a Chinese laundromat found him inside a washing machine. "He told me he wanted to wash up. I said ok. He was very smelly. No bath in days I guess."
Authorities fo...
Camel owner gets the hump
Mr Abel Snodrington (Jr) of Tunbridge Wells today discovered that one of his pet camels humps had appeared on his own back. He discovered it as he was putting down a fresh saucer of milk for his wife.
Barney gets Lipo
Barney the Purple Dinosaur had liposuction last month in an attempt to change the shows format.
'And' is the BEST word in the alphabet
Today, scientists at a top dictionary school proved using maths and stuff that "and" is officially the best word in the world. Nobody is happier than yours truly, Andy Ampersand.
"Tux" branches out
In a surprising move, the linux mascot tux has announced today that he will be pursuing a career in the porn industry.
Email mispellings "to be made easeri"
Computer company Microsoft are to launch new software next month which they say will be "essentlai" for anybody sending emails.
Tony Blair in Texas for Slumber-Party
President George 'Bush' Dubya welcomed British Prime Minister Tony Blair to his ranch in Texas today, promising him the best sleep-over ever. George has a whole load of "neat" things to do, including staying up all night playing on...
Football Managers Take Heart
An extension to the recent studies of the effect of football matches upon heart rate and blood pressure of leading football managers has produced some surprising results.
Cement man eats fruit fly shocker
It has recently been reported that the worlds smallest cement man, handily named Cement Man, has devoured a fruit fly!
These shocking events were unveiled earlier this week, it has created a massive response world-wide with riots in every major ci...
Javascript: a beginner's Guide
Javascript? Some kind of mix between a Shakespeare masterpiece and a hot drink?...
Hear'Say pick of the pops
Prince Charles shocked the establishment when he announced that he was the new member of the popular boy/girl band, Hear'say "I'm sick to death of people putting me down" moaned the apprentice king.
Saddam Take-Out Plans Revealed
The United States has revealed its audacious plans to remove Saddam Hussain from power in Iraq. This comes after fresh accusations of him using weapons of mass-destruction to feed infants as young as seventeen years old.
President Bush said in hi...
Jules Asner Suspended
Los Angeles, CA - Jules Asner, E! Entertainment television hottie and superstar mathlete, has been suspended by the National Mathletic Association (NMA).
Tyson, Al Bundy Celebrate Olympics
Next year's Extreme Olympiad, the major event in the calendar of all extreme sports enthusiasts, is set to be the most extreme yet. It's a big celebration of the extreme culture that has gripped the youth market in the USA - and extreme is th...
Saying goodbye to Mr. Rodgers
We say goodbye to an American Icon as Mr. Rodgers of Mr. Rodgers' Neighborhood has retired this year after celebrating 45 years in children's television.
Crooks Never Sleep
It was another hot December's day, and I'd had all but loaded the Station Wagon when to my suprise I found a Man sleeping in the backseat. I ran inside my 2-bedroom home, dashed through the kitchen, and decided to take my mind off of what I had seen...
Israel Attacks Arafat's Pants
Israeli warplanes have attacked the symbolic target of Yasser Arafat's underpants drawer and the strategic Ramallah quarry.
Arafat's personalised "Hail to the Chief" underpants represent his leadership of the Palestinian embryonic state, one that...
American Upset by Real World
Traumatised American woman sues Terror Arafat on grounds that Palestinian terrorism causes her emotional distress when it is on the news. She claims that she developed "I'm a victim" syndrome by watching 72 days of rolling CNN coverage...
Smarties sizing shocker
In what is continuing to become one of the most shocking and disturbing occurrences of the new millennium so far, refuse disposal technician and sci-fi writer Dan Collins (28) discovered that not all smarties, are the same size, in fact yellow smarti...
Dairy Queen Fire Suspicious
Big Spring, TX- The residents of this quiet west Texas town woke up to the most disturbing news to hit the town since Mayor Stiehl's public indecency scandal of two years ago.
Queen Mum actually died in 1997
Buckingham Palace are today said to be furious over revelations that Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother actually died in 1997.
David Letterman kills Humpty Dumpty
New evidence has been uncovered in the death of Humpty Dumpty.Nursery Rhyme has it that Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall and Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Lassies leaves 'mess' on home rug
Lassie has been scolded this month after leaving a nasty 'mess' on the home rug.
Mobile Phones Blamed for Brain Damage
In a recent survey conducted by the UK mobile phone authority it has been revealed that mobile phones can, when thrown hard enough, inflict serious brain damage.
Murder Legalised on Wednesdays
In a radical new move to combat the well-known crime of murder, Tony Blair has legalised murder on Wednesdays.
Politicians Fall Foul of Time Dilation
Basingstoke scientists today revealed that clocks in the vicinity of talking politicians work slower than those near normal people.
"It's a quirk of Einstein's theory of relativity," said Dr Ruth Rutherford, head of clocks and social politics at B...
No Mix-up, Goldberg Oscar Tries to Return Itself
Bel Air, California - Although initially reported to be due to a UPS shipping mishap, eyewitness testimony claim that actress Whoopi Goldberg's Oscar simply tried to escape in order to rejoin the trophy's "real" winner, Annette Benn...
Internet Desiderata
Go placidly amid the glitches and errors and remember what peace there may be in DSL. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all message boards. Type your truth spelled properly and with grammatical correctness; and read others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Will Young enters chart at 34
Will Young, the slightly effeminate winner of ITV's Pop Idol, has only managed to enter the chart at a lowly position 34. The singer, aged only 12 years old, released the double A-side record Evergreen/Anything Is Possible on Monday, but since on...
Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough
In retailiation to recent threats given by the American and British governments, SADDAM HUSSEIN president of Iraq, has given, what can only be described as a "two-fingered-salute" to the western world.
In a video statement that was supplied to The...
Pop Idol to release MmmBop!
The UK winner of ITVs Pop Idol, Will Young, is said to be rehearsing the hit single 'MmmBop!' in a London studio. The single, a hit for Teen sensations Hanson, is generally lauded to have been a huge mistake by God.
Peter Pan found Dead!
Shock waves went through fairy tale land yesterday when Peter Pan was found dead outside his home in Neverland.
The former childhood hero, who had been deep into financial bankruptcy since he sold the rights of his life story to Disney in 1953, wa...
Batman Apologizes
Rumors of impropriety swirling around Batman were at last addressed by him in a bold radio speech delivered last evening over Gotham City airwaves. What follows is a complete transcript of his remarks:
"Good evening."
"Earlier today, in Go...
Queen Mum Meets Uncle Buck
In Heaven today, the Queen Mother met the loveable fat git John Candy, better known as Uncle Buck. Despite her well-known warmth towards other people, she could not help but comment on his extreme obesity.
Gun nuts lobby to outlaw shooting deaths
American right wing gun nuts the NRA today declared plans to lobby the government in a bid to outlaw death by shooting. The Bill, if successful, would see those shot to death by guns receive a substantial fine, prison sentence or even the death penal...
Smiling Norman Tossed Off By Loose Slag
The earth certainly moved for lucky Norman Gingham last Saturday night.
"What an experience," he told us from his home yesterday. "It's the first time anything remotely like this has happened to me, I can tell you. What a bloody night that was!"...
Bite-Size Gamuts Available Soon
People who find it hard to run the whole gamut will certainly welcome the introduction of so-called bite-sized gamuts this year.
Dame Judi and Jonathan King: A Romance
She was a non-black Oscar nominee with the quiet sophistication of a 1920s porn film. He was a disgusting child molester with an even more disgusting array of party tunes. Yet romance blossomed between this, the oddest of couples, despite the perso...
Light overtaken by cheeky soundwave
Scientists at Hope University in Boston, Mass. released details today of a recent incident in one of their refraction labs.
Nearly the end of the world
It should have been the end of the world earlier this morning as a huge asteroid slammed into the Earth at an unimaginable speed.
Fortunately for us, another asteroid crashed into us from the exact opposite angle at the exact same time causing bo...
Woody Allen Eats Underage Girls
The world famous movie-maker Woody Allen is at the centre of sickening allegations concerning his involvement with underage girls. It is alleged that he heats girls as young as 15 to two hundred degrees Celsius in his oven, marinades them, cuts them...
Star Wars Collector Relishes String of eBay Wins
(Virginia Beach, Virginia) Star Wars memorabilia collector Ted Peterson collects action figures and posters from the popular movie series and considers himself a veteran of the on-line auction website ebay.
Duncan-Smith: Blair
Prime Minister's question time was in disarray today after opposition leader Ian Duncan-Smith persistently questioned Tony Blair on whether or not he regularly wore his wife's underclothing.
Bill Gates Does a bit of extra Work here in the UK
Bill Gates has decided to do a bit of HTML programming here in the UK today!...
70s police drama addict caused Sept 11 crash
It has been revealed that the plane which struck the South Tower of the World Trade Centre had been hijacked by a Jordanian former traffic policeman with a mania for straight-to-video 70s cop films.
Mr Abdul Love Hewitt III, latterly of Monterrey...
Chess master destroys opponents soul
In a remarkable series of events, Chess Master, Peter Andrenov, has destroyed his opponents soul during a clash in Prague.
Laughsend bought by AOL-TW
In one of the most unexpected events of the year Laughsend .com has been bought out by AOL-TW.
Prehistoric Weather Forecast, with Michael Fish
Hello?I'm sorry to say that somewhat changeable weather has been the norm of late, with the fine sunshine we saw at around 410 million years BC during the Palaeozoic epoch slowly moving away to be replaced by showers, particularly as we progress...
Bob Dylan could be Executed
It has become apparent that Bob Dylan, the old singer, could be executed.
New Bob the Builder Record Causes Concern
The hilarious children's cartoon character Bob the Builder has caused concern amongst parents by announcing his new single will be a cover of NWA's "Gangsta Gangsta".
Cheney Sells Shares in Enron and Flees to Kandahar
Tampa Fl April 1st General Tommy Franks announced today a new plan in the war on terror. Army special forces in Kandahar, Afghanistan were instructed to abandon their search for Osama Bin Laden and his Al Quaida lieutenants and instead to re-organi...
Pamela Anderson Joins Convent!
Pamela Anderson, the baywatch babe with the enormous...assets, joined a convent early Thursday morning. After contracting Hepatitis C (amongst other VDs) from ex-hubby, Tommy Lee, she has apparently decided to swear off men.
Public Call for anti-Europhile Legislation
There have been growing protests across Britain for an end to Europhilia, and for the introduction of "Norman's Law", named after Norman Lamont, the former Chancellor whose political career was killed by Europhilia.
Timberlake Demands Britney Gifts Back
Annoyingly sugar-sweet and bland ex-couple Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears have reportedly broken up, and the teenage temper tantrums are already in progress. Timberlake, real name Omar Al-Bomber, has apparently demanded Britney to "return...
Who is Harry Potter's Father?
The Magic Circle, that respected organisation that looks after all practitioners of the 'black arts', lost its cool over claims that Harry Potter was a 'lurve child'.
US Facing Real Energy Crisis
Everyone always said that it was only a matter of time before the United States ran out of electricity. And that time is now upon us - or at least it will be soon. Washington was notified of the emergency just days ago and has been rushing around,...
Government Warns of Possible Squirrel Uprising
Washington officials have confirmed reports that America's squirrels are most likely beginning to organize - and may be planning some kind of a coup.
Ken Livingston taxes pedestrians
During last nights 'State of London' press conference, London Mayor Ken Livingston confirmed his plans to extend the plans for congestion charges to include pedestrians. Following a 3-week study by leading research group Payas Lotts...
Loads dead in London
A man has run into the middle of London, a typically big city, and killed everyone with a chain saw. Blood and eyes are still being cleaned off things such as dogs and monuments.
Victims were heard to shout "oh God oh sweet Jesus have mercy oh...
Wooden Man to Sue Marlboro
A man made of the finest oak in all Staffordshire has launched an audacious legal challenge to the tobacco companies, claiming that he was not warned of the danger cigarettes posed to people of flammable material. He claims that the loss of his face...
Easter Bunny retires after family tragedy
The Easter Bunny has retired from the business after a long and prosperous reign as the number 1 chocolate delivering animal. His retirement came very shortly after police released information that 3 of Mr. Bunny's 5,258 children were taken hostage a...
Olympic Hero in Overdose Worry
Beloved British olympic boxer Audley Harrison has been hospitalised today. Harrison was found in his hotel room early today, reportedly having taken of an overdose of popular energy drink Lucozade sport.
Hereford Utd to bid for Olympics
Hereford United have made a bid to host the 2004 Summer Olympics. The Conference team were quick to shake off any allegations that Athens had already been picked as a location for the next athletics competition, saying "Sod those stupid fat Gre...
Bill Gates Kills Linux
Bill Gates, the money grabbing monopolist, yesterday achieved his aim of killing Linux when Linus Torvalds, the eminent creator of what is acclaimed to be "the best OS in the world today" was savagely murdered by a Microsoft designed virus.
The ne...
Masturbation=Bad??
That's right people. A new study by the institute of Pointless Research has found that every time a person masturbates, they in fact, manage to kill a kitten.
The study took 70 people, male and female, randomly kidnapped from the street and had...
All cartoon characters are real
There is a point every person's life where they find out that cartoons are not real. This happens at the tender age of 5 in the summer as the parents want them out of the house. The sucide rate at this time is phenomenal. However, cartoon char...
Nicholas Lyndhurst Marries Himself
It all started on the set of those genuinely disturbing WHSmiths adverts. Nicholas and his female alter-ego met across a crowded film set, and built a relationsip based on mutual trust and honestly, based mainly on the fact that they are actually the...
Sir Elton John Asked To Sing At QM's Funeral
The remaining members of the Royal Family have asked Sir Elton John to sing "There's No-one Quite Like Grandma" at The Queen Mother's funeral. The song - which was so beautifully sung by St Winifred's Girl's School Choir back in 1981 to commemorate t...
Rod Hull is Alive!
Former British children's presenter Rod Hull, presumed dead after his tragic death in 1998 is alive and well according to a patient at Camarthen Asylum.
The Fisherman
It all started to happen about 89 years ago when I was forced to become something the world has once and will never see anything like what I've become.. what I've become. For the past couple of years, the changes have appeared to be wired. I'll sta...
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