Jokes
Showing jokes submitted by Mr. Lizard.
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Tasteless and Insensitive Sarah Palin Joke
Q: Whats the difference between Sarah Palins mouth and her vagina?...
Where the Buffalo...
The Lone Ranger and his faithful sidekick Tonto were out on the plains one afternoon when suddenly Tonto, perhaps sensing danger, knelt and pressed his ear to the ground. Buffalo come. he muttered....
Fart Funnies #3: Gross Misconduct
An elderly couple, in bed for the night, were playing their private traditional game: Fart Football....
Some Things Never Change
Nancy worked in an old folks home. One day as she was making her rounds she looked in on Bill, who suffered from dementia; Bill was sitting on the edge of his bed with his fists held up in front of him...
Me And Her Saw Eye To Eye
Three midgets approached a monastery; one with a smug look on his face hung back while the other two knocked on the door. When the Mother Superior answered, one asked, Do you have any midget nuns? No,...
...And I'll Name Him Humpty!
Little Joey was walking through the park with his mother when he saw two dogs mating,What are they doing mommy? he asked astonished. Oh, honey theyre just making puppies. explained the mother. That night,...
Big Savings On Your Sins!
A priest and a rabbi have decided to brunch together sitting in the priest side of a confessional; their repast was interrupted briefly by a young woman: Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I slept...
The Fable Aesop Doesn't Want You To Know About
A rabbit is running through the woods and comes upon a squirrel smoking a joint,Hey there Mr. Squirrel! Dont smoke that! come running through the woods with me and well frolic and romp and have lots of...
Oh no you di'int
Q. Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a 1996 bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon Blanc? A. One comes in a 13 year old bottle....
Fart Funnies #2
A man sees his doctor about his excessive flatulence; while in the examining room the doctor asks,Have you been taking any new medications? No. replied the man. Any changes in your diet? No. How about...
Fart Funnies
A woman goes to see a doctor about her excessive flatulence. Doc, its relentless; Ive been farting at home all day, I farted constantly on the bus on the way over here, I was letting loose continuously...
Sex and Violence
A man comes home in the middle of the afternoon unexpectedly and finds his wife laying naked in bed. When asked why, the wife replied I was feeling sick and thought Id just stay in bed today. The husband...
Dating Tips for the Oblivious
When a prospective girlfriend invites you to her apartment, it is always...
Check, please!
A patron in a fine-dining establishment notices that all of the waiters seem...
Bear Schtick
A polar bear comes home from school and asks his mother,Mom, am I really a polar...
Thing are tough all over
Little Timmy really wanted a bicycle. He asked his dad who said,Things are kinda...
The Honeymooners
A couple check into a hotel and take the honeymoon suite; minutes after checking in, the groom leaves with fishing gear and doesnt return for two hours, and only then to stop in the suite for a few minutes...
Beans!!!
An elderly couple are sitting out on their porch enjoying their golden years. By way of small talk the husband says, I was cleanin the closet today and found an old shoebox with a hunnerd-twenny dollars...
A bus tale
One day, a city bus driver drew a promotional bus for his route; advertising Sesame Street on Ice, it had Muppets painted all around the outside and was dubbed the Sesame Street Bus. At his first stop, a...
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