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Showing jokes submitted by Mr. Lizard.


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Tasteless and Insensitive Sarah Palin Joke

Q: Whats the difference between Sarah Palins mouth and her vagina?...

submitted by Mr. Lizard, 20 January 2010

Where the Buffalo...

The Lone Ranger and his faithful sidekick Tonto were out on the plains one afternoon when suddenly Tonto, perhaps sensing danger, knelt and pressed his ear to the ground. Buffalo come. he muttered....

submitted by Mr. Lizard, 04 November 2009

Fart Funnies #3: Gross Misconduct

An elderly couple, in bed for the night, were playing their private traditional game: Fart Football....

submitted by Mr. Lizard, 21 March 2009

Some Things Never Change

Nancy worked in an old folks home. One day as she was making her rounds she looked in on Bill, who suffered from dementia; Bill was sitting on the edge of his bed with his fists held up in front of him...

submitted by Mr. Lizard, 21 March 2009

Me And Her Saw Eye To Eye

Three midgets approached a monastery; one with a smug look on his face hung back while the other two knocked on the door. When the Mother Superior answered, one asked, Do you have any midget nuns? No,...

submitted by Mr. Lizard, 06 March 2009

...And I'll Name Him Humpty!

Little Joey was walking through the park with his mother when he saw two dogs mating,What are they doing mommy? he asked astonished. Oh, honey theyre just making puppies. explained the mother. That night,...

submitted by Mr. Lizard, 28 February 2009

Big Savings On Your Sins!

A priest and a rabbi have decided to brunch together sitting in the priest side of a confessional; their repast was interrupted briefly by a young woman: Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I slept...

submitted by Mr. Lizard, 28 February 2009

The Fable Aesop Doesn't Want You To Know About

A rabbit is running through the woods and comes upon a squirrel smoking a joint,Hey there Mr. Squirrel! Dont smoke that! come running through the woods with me and well frolic and romp and have lots of...

submitted by Mr. Lizard, 28 February 2009

Oh no you di'int

Q. Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a 1996 bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon Blanc? A. One comes in a 13 year old bottle....

submitted by Mr. Lizard, 27 February 2009

Fart Funnies #2

A man sees his doctor about his excessive flatulence; while in the examining room the doctor asks,Have you been taking any new medications? No. replied the man. Any changes in your diet? No. How about...

submitted by Mr. Lizard, 27 February 2009

Fart Funnies

A woman goes to see a doctor about her excessive flatulence. Doc, its relentless; Ive been farting at home all day, I farted constantly on the bus on the way over here, I was letting loose continuously...

submitted by Mr. Lizard, 26 February 2009

Sex and Violence

A man comes home in the middle of the afternoon unexpectedly and finds his wife laying naked in bed. When asked why, the wife replied I was feeling sick and thought Id just stay in bed today. The husband...

submitted by Mr. Lizard, 25 February 2009

Dating Tips for the Oblivious

When a prospective girlfriend invites you to her apartment, it is always...

submitted by Mr. Lizard, 25 February 2009

Check, please!

A patron in a fine-dining establishment notices that all of the waiters seem...

submitted by Mr. Lizard, 25 February 2009

Bear Schtick

A polar bear comes home from school and asks his mother,Mom, am I really a polar...

submitted by Mr. Lizard, 25 February 2009

Thing are tough all over

Little Timmy really wanted a bicycle. He asked his dad who said,Things are kinda...

submitted by Mr. Lizard, 25 February 2009

The Honeymooners

A couple check into a hotel and take the honeymoon suite; minutes after checking in, the groom leaves with fishing gear and doesnt return for two hours, and only then to stop in the suite for a few minutes...

submitted by Mr. Lizard, 25 February 2009

Beans!!!

An elderly couple are sitting out on their porch enjoying their golden years. By way of small talk the husband says, I was cleanin the closet today and found an old shoebox with a hunnerd-twenny dollars...

submitted by Mr. Lizard, 25 February 2009

A bus tale

One day, a city bus driver drew a promotional bus for his route; advertising Sesame Street on Ice, it had Muppets painted all around the outside and was dubbed the Sesame Street Bus. At his first stop, a...

submitted by Mr. Lizard, 24 February 2009
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