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Showing jokes submitted by birbee.


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Shopping.............

I popped into Tesco earlier for some coconut shampoo, dont know why, I havent got any coconuts....

submitted by birbee, 17 August 2011

The End.............?

I saw a bloke driving a tractor through the village today, shouting stuff like The end of the World is nigh and Were all doomed....

submitted by birbee, 18 July 2011

Chocolate Biscuits.............

I caught my seven- year-old son about to steal a biscuit from the cupboard....

submitted by birbee, 18 July 2011

Neighbours Washing.............

My next door neighbour came round my house the other night and accused me of stealing the washing off his line....

submitted by birbee, 18 July 2011

Google Sex.............

After years of scientific and in depth research, it has been revealed that google must be a woman....

submitted by birbee, 05 July 2011

Breakdowns and Exercise.............

Saw a man crying earlier....

submitted by birbee, 20 March 2011

Phone Number.............

I was in a club last night, chatting to a really good looking girl....

submitted by birbee, 08 March 2011

Suitcase.............

I came back from holiday the other day and when I went to the carousel to pick up my luggage I saw that it had been badly damaged by the baggage handlers....

submitted by birbee, 08 March 2011

Dress Code.............?

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a...

submitted by birbee, 08 March 2011

Weird Animals..............

An elephant, an ostrich and a crocodile stop a bloke in the street. The crocodile pulls out a police badge and says, We have reason to believe you are carrying substances of an hallucinogenic nature,...

submitted by birbee, 08 March 2011

Ghostly Eating......

I awoke this morning to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor at the end of my bed. First I was afraid, then I was petrified............. I took my wife out to a pub that we had never been to the other night....

submitted by birbee, 04 March 2011

Strange Love......

I was lying next to my new girlfriend and I said, Youre different to all the other girls Ive slept with. She said, Thats because Im a bloke, you twat. Thats what I love about Martin... Shes got a great sense...

submitted by birbee, 27 February 2011

Eagles and Albatrosses......

My posh neighbour looked over the fence today with a smug grin on his face. He said, I did an Eagle today on the golf course and got a two minute round of applause. I soon knocked the smile off his face when...

submitted by birbee, 27 February 2011

Brandy......

I walked into the pub last night and ordered 8 large brandies. I downed them one after the other and when I had finished I said to the barman, I shouldnt be drinking like this with what Ive got. The barman replied,...

submitted by birbee, 27 February 2011

Irish TVs......

The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. Theyve imported 50 Million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and theyre going to drill for their own oil..... I was stood outside Currys today with my wife looking at LCD...

submitted by birbee, 27 February 2011

Magic Blind Date......

I went on a blind date the other night. It turned out that the girl I was meeting was a redhead. She also had very pale complextion and was extremely thin. I met her on Match.com I was talking to a Magician yesterday....

submitted by birbee, 27 February 2011

Racing Snail.......

Ive been racing my pet snail a lot lately, but he has been losing every race. I thought I would take his shell off to try and improve his speed and make him more aero-dynamic. It didnt work though, if anything it made him...

submitted by birbee, 12 November 2010

Flowers.......

Many aspects of human sexuality are very puzzling, take celibacy. This can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by environmental factors. While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, Robert and Mary listened to the...

submitted by birbee, 12 November 2010

Chat Up Line.......

An bloke walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, Is your date running late? No, he replies,I...

submitted by birbee, 12 November 2010

Fido ~ Man's Best Friend.......?

A young student from rural Yorkshire goes off to university in Bristol, but halfway through the term he has squandered all of his money. He calls home. Dad, he says, you wont believe what modern education is developing. They actually...

submitted by birbee, 12 November 2010

The Ring...

A man went to the AE department of his local hospital to have his wedding ring cut off his penis. He told the nurse attending the operation that his girlfriend found the ring in his trouser pocket. She didnt know he was married and she...

submitted by birbee, 12 November 2010

Heated Phone Call.......

A dog lover, whose female Labrador was in heat, agreed to look after, and house, her neighbours male dog while they were away on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep them apart, but, as she was drifting off to...

submitted by birbee, 12 November 2010

One Word or Two...

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation...

submitted by birbee, 12 November 2010

Flying High???

Ive come up with an idea for a wingless aeroplane,...

submitted by birbee, 09 November 2010
Showing page 1 (of 7 pages)


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