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Showing jokes submitted by Captain Ropeburn.


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Hind-lick Maneuver

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town out in the country. She orders the chicken and starts to eat....

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 08 November 2008

Black Box

Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced Please prepare for a crash landing ....

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 08 November 2008

Condom for a Cigarette

Two old ladies are standing at a bus station and one of them is smoking. Suddenly it starts raining so the smoking one takes out a condom from her purse, cuts the edge off and puts it over the cigarette....

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 08 November 2008

25 Inch Penis

There is this guy who has a 25 inch dick. He goes to a witch in the woods and asks her if she can make his dick smaller because he just cant please the ladies because it is just too big, he hasnt found...

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 08 November 2008

Headache ;)

A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water. His wife asks, Whats that for? Its for your headache. I dont have a headache. He replies, Gotcha!...

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 08 November 2008

Glittery Pubes

A woman in her 30s was taking her mother, who was in her 50s to the gynecologist. After dropping her mother off, she and her daughter ran a few errands, then returned to the doctor. While the older woman...

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 08 November 2008

Sex Every Night

A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. Ill be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want, he insisted. And, I dont expect any hassle from you. Also,...

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 08 November 2008

Penis Spoon

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and...

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 08 November 2008

Old Whore Waits for Oranges

A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl....

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 08 November 2008

Heightened Sense of Smell

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. Im sorry sir, but I am blind and cant read the menu. Just bring me...

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 08 November 2008

No Screwing

A married couple have been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative...

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 08 November 2008

Nympho

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. What seems to be the problem? the doctor asked. Well, I, uh, she stammered. I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac. I see, he said. I can help you, but...

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 06 November 2008

My One And Only Love

At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. Dont you want her name engraved upon it? asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the...

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 06 November 2008

Drunk Grandpa

Three guys were sitting in a biker bar. A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table. He got up, staggered to the...

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 06 November 2008

David Jones

This guy walks into a bar with this really great shirt on. The bartender goes, Whered you get the great shirt mate? The man replies, David Jones. This 2nd guy walks into the bar with really good pants on and...

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 06 November 2008

Out Of Order

A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. As he sits there, the jar of nuts on the bar tells him what a nice shirt he is wearing. Disturbed by this, he goes to the cigarette vending machine to buy a pack of smokes....

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 06 November 2008

Chihuahua

A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down...

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 06 November 2008

This is for ladies!

One night a man was getting very drunk in a pub. He staggered back to take a piss, whipping his prick out as he went in the door. However, he had wandered into...

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 06 November 2008

Dirty Fingers

This bartender is in a fun bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, May I please speak to your manager? He says, Not right...

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 06 November 2008

Spit in Beer

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesnt want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying,...

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 06 November 2008

Offensive Michael Jackson Joke

Michael Jackson is walking out from the operating room after his wife gave birth to their son. Michael says Hey Doc how long till we can have sex? The Doctor says...

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 06 November 2008

Hot Nipples

A man and a woman were celebrating their 50th anniversary. They were talking before their dinner about how they should celebrate their big evening. The woman decided...

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 03 November 2008

Camel Sex

One time there was an army camp in India that just received a new commander. During the new commanders first inspection everything checked out except one thing. There was a camel tied to a tree on the...

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 03 November 2008

Penis on Blackboard

One day when the teacher walked into the classroom, she noticed that someone had written the word PENIS (in tiny letters) on the blackboard. She scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding...

submitted by Captain Ropeburn, 03 November 2008
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