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Showing jokes submitted by IainB.


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That was some queue

Okay, I was in my local supermarket. Lets call it Tesburyda. Anyway, I had a full basket and there were no free checkouts, so I picked the nearest. It only took five minutes to load up and get to the...

submitted by IainB, 20 September 2012

Costa Concordia model

Having just heard about the disaster I thought Id better act quick and get hold of a model before they became collectors items. I rang the local toy shop. Have you got a model of the Costa Concordia?...

submitted by IainB, 20 January 2012

Fish jokes

I went to the hairdressers and ended up smelling of fish; hed only gone and given me a mullet. When I opened the curtains this morning it let a single ray into the room. Sea levels have certainly risen...

submitted by IainB, 11 January 2012

Getting the first punch in

I went to a high street DIY store yesterday. In the garden section, a salesman ran up: Do you want planting? But I got the first punch in. Then it was off to the hard landscaping area, where salesman...

submitted by IainB, 26 August 2011

Waiter Waiter

At a restaurant yesterday, I dropped a bowl of soup in my lap. Waiter! Waiter! I called. What is it? he asked. Ive dropped a bowl of soup in my lap, I said. What do you want me to do about it? he asked....

submitted by IainB, 03 August 2011

Martial Arts Explained

Tai Chi is the ancient martial art of using a hand dryer. Kendo is the ancient martial art of making Keneth work. Jujitsu is the ancient martial art of being shaken by the kosher. Soduko is the ancient martial...

submitted by IainB, 19 July 2011

Great questions of our age

Why do the deaf have a sign for Volume? If circles are circular, triangles triangular and rectangles rectangular...what are squares? If the Americans call autumn fall why dont they call winter bare and spring grow?...

submitted by IainB, 19 July 2011

Garden Gags

Ive got a new leaf blower. He doesnt charge much, and the trees look so much better when theyre moving. My garden rake is such a cad. I got told to Pimp my garden so I hoed it. I put in a new flower bed. I think the...

submitted by IainB, 19 July 2011

I got a new doctor

I had to go and register at a new doctors surgery last week. I have arranged to go in for my medical next week and I have to say, they are a very progressive doctors! When I made the appointment they...

submitted by IainB, 19 July 2011

10. Chuck Norris facts

1. There are fourteen billion Chuck Norris facts. Everybody on earth has two each; even those who have never heard of him. 2. Everybody has heard of Chuck Norris. 3. Chuck Norris walked into a bar,...

submitted by IainB, 23 April 2011

Chuck Norris's House

What kind of house does Chuck Norris live in? Well the obvious answer is: any he damn well pleases... Alternatively, another obvious answer is: an igloo, because this is a round house. Neither of these...

submitted by IainB, 23 April 2011

How I got my black eye

I was sat in the pub having a quiet drink with some friends when an angry young man in cyclist gear came in, looked around and came storming over to me and got in my face. You cut me up! he said, irately....

submitted by IainB, 16 March 2011

Favourite battery

What is a Scousers Favourite battery? AAA. Jokes must be 50 words or more, therefore the following are random words out of the dictionary that have nothing to do with the joke: Unemployed, theft, steal, nick,...

submitted by IainB, 10 March 2011

Inuit? Eskimo?

Q What to eskimos hold their houses together with? A Ig-glue....

submitted by IainB, 06 November 2010

Out Patient

I have an appointment to see the psychiatrist about...

submitted by IainB, 01 November 2010

Day Patient

I have an appointment to see the psychiatrist about...

submitted by IainB, 01 November 2010

In Patient

I couldnt wait for the NHS to see me over my ingrowing...

submitted by IainB, 01 November 2010

Radiotherapy

I went for some radiotherapy. Im not sure how listening...

submitted by IainB, 01 November 2010

Out of order

I had to tell the building manager that the lifts were out of order. Lift...

submitted by IainB, 23 July 2010

Broken elevator

I had to go to see the building manager and tell him that the new talking elevator was...

submitted by IainB, 23 July 2010

Helium Balloons

I recently posted three helium balloons to my cousin....

submitted by IainB, 30 June 2010

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why did the chicken cross the road? According to FIFA...

submitted by IainB, 29 June 2010

Scouts arrested

Police raided a scout camp yesterday morning when the scouts...

submitted by IainB, 04 June 2010

Collective Noun for MPs

If the collective noun for a group of MPs is a Band (as in a...

submitted by IainB, 28 May 2010
Showing page 1 (of 2 pages)


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