Jokes
Showing jokes submitted by Bureau.
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The Texan & The Australian
A very loud Texan Engineer was visiting Australia, and talking big about all of the large civil works in the USA that he was involved in. To be polite his Australian counterpart took him on a tour of...
Saudi King Embarrassed
A Saudi Prince went to Germany to study. A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying:Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,but Im a bit ashamed to arrive to school with...
A Real Stinker!
A 17th Century captain was sailing along with his crew when a pirate ship came over the horizon. The captain says, Cabin boy, get me my red shirt. So, he gets his red shirt and they victoriously battle...
Too Much Snow
It was a disastrous year for the farmers. The snow fell and fell until the government relief agency had to step in and lend a hand. It must have been terrible, said the government man to a farmer. All...
The Shaky Old Lady
A very shaky old lady was encouraged to move ahead by her granddaughter. Ive never flown before, said the nervous old lady to the pilot. You will bring me down safely, wont you? All I can say maam, said...
A Man Can't Win
A man asked his wife what shed like for her birthday. Id love to be eight again. she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her off...
Really Needed A Drink!
His father sends a small boy to bed. Five minutes later.... Da-ad.... What? Im thirsty. Can you bring drink of water? No. You had your chance. Lights out. Five minutes later: Da-aaaad..... WHAT? Im THIRSTY....
Old Fart On A Cruise Ship
An old woman is in the bar of a cruise ship and she asks the bartender for a scotch and two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink, she says, Its my birthday today, and Im on the cruise...
Those Late Night Calls!
A bar owner locked up his place at 2 AM and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang. Shay...what time do you open up in the mornin? he heard an obviously inebriated...
No Way I'd Put Up With That!
Sitting at the bar, a sad Rob Donahue told the bartender that he was drinking to forget the heartbreak of his broken engagement. Yeah, said Rob, would you marry someone who didnt know the meaning of the...
The Strange Incident Aboard Flight #293
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking....
Best Memory Ever?
It was rumored that a particular Native American had a fantastic memory. Hundreds of people asked the American questions which he was able to answer. One day skeptical young man set out to find this...
Poor Soul!
A doctor taking care of his last appointment of the day gives this man a thorough exam and finds him in optimal health. However, as the man is going out the door, he had a heart attack and died just...
Back On My Feet, Again
Doctor, you were right when you said youd have me back on my feet and walking and walking around the neighborhood in no time. Thats good John; when did you start walking? It was right after I got your...
Life After Death?
Do you believe in life after death, Mr. Kendall? the boss asked one of his employees. Yes, sir, the clerk replied. I certainly do believe in life after death! Thats good, the boss said. After you left...
The Three Friends
Three friends - a surgeon, an engineer, and a politician - were discussing which of their professions was the oldest. The surgeon said Eve was created from Adans rib - a surgical procedure. The engineer...
Yankee Gives Up!
A Yankee lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmers field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly...
Man Losing His Balls!
How was your game, dear? asked Jacks wife Tracy. Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesights gotten so bad I couldnt see where the ball went, he answered. But youre 75 years old, Jack! admonished...
Big Snake Scares Bunny
One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. Oh, please excuse me! said the bunny. I didnt mean to...
"He'd See My Sorry Ass Tomorrow"
I knew I had a reputation as a trouble maker and tended to drink a little too much too often but I never expected the news to travel so fast to the new preacher at the Baptist Church on the corner. He...
Answer Me! What Causes This?
What is there about having great neighbors who raise their children right, taking them to the zoo, ballgames, to church every Sunday, that makes you want to get up in the late hours of the night and burn...
Eddie The Cockroach
When I was a kid I always wore ear plugs to bed at night so that a cockroach couldnt crawl into my ear and lay some eggs in my brain. Thats what happened to my best friend, Edward, who never was the same...
Been Around The Block A Few Times!
Oh, Ive been around the block a few times. The wife knew that was the case. Still she never questioned me about it so it went unspoken between us. Of course, that was before our tenth time around and she...
More Bounce Per Ounce!
Even though she was a little overweight and still is, for that matter, I married my Susie Lynn because of her great sense of humor. She laughs at all my snippets, jokes and Goosey Holler stories in the Magazine...
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