Jokes
Showing jokes submitted by Steddyeddy.
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Twitter and more
Man goes into the doctors and says Im addicted to Twitter. Doctor replies, Sorry, I dont follow you....
RyanAir upgrade
Decided to take a break in Ireland and booked to go by budget airline RyanAir. After paying only £9.95 for the flight, all I had to pay was £30 for a small bag, £6 booking fee, £6 seat fee, £15...
What a week I've had.....
A computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. And then I had a drink stand at a local coffeemorning - I gave the first glass away free and charged ten quid for the second glass. The second contained the antidote....
Table for the wife
It was the wifes special day last Saturday, so I thought Id take her out for a special treat. I booked a table for eight oclock...
Table for the wife
it was the wifes special day last Saturday, so I thought Id take her out for a special treat. I booked a table for eight oclock...
Alzheimer's
My pal Mike came around to the house last night and he was in a totally demented state. Like an Iranian president, only more human....
Great Western Railway
Despite its name, the Great Western Railway is not...
Blond girls not steroetypical
Blonde girls are not as stereotypically dumb as people make them out to be. In tests where a group of blonds were asked If you can guess how...
Jehovah's Bystander
A Jehovahs Bystander is simply a Jehovahs...
The man who invented crosswords
No one can remember the name of the Englishman who invented crosswords....
Fly spray
A can of fly spray, contrary to the message on the can,...
Flourescent tubes
Offering counselling to fluorescent tubes does not necessarily...
The Cannibals of the West Amazonian Region
The Cannibals of the West Amazonian Region have recently been struck...
A man get's knocked down
The UKs roads are becoming so dangerous that a man gets nocked down...
Diving me mad
A man in the swimming pool was on the very top diving board. He poised elegently, lifted his arms, and was just about to dive when the attendant came running up, shouting, Dont dive? theres no water in...
Refuse collection
The Reading domestic remainder clearance technicians (binmen) were just about to leave Arcadia Street when a lady came running out of her house carrying a bag of kitchen remains. Am I too late for the...
Diver's delights
One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever. The diver went below another 20 ft, but the guy joined...
Policeman on M25
I was stopped by a policeman while driving along the M25. I stopped, opened the window, and he said This is a spot check So I told him Ive got two blackheads on my chin and a boil on my ar*e....
Onion vs Girls Aloud
Whats the difference between an onion and a Girls Aloud DVD? No one cries when you chop up a Girls Aloud DVD...
Wife vs Terrorist
Whats the difference between a wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist....
Good news, worse news
Fred gets a call from his doctor with the results of some blood test. Ive got bad news and worse news, says the doctor. The bad news is that youve only got 24 hours to live. Oh no! says Bob. Thats shocking....
Chicken for dinner
A waiter asks a man, May I take your order, sir? Yes, the man replies. Im just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens? Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that theyre going to...
Batman
I went to the local video shop and I said, Can I borrow Batman Forever? He said, No, youll have to bring it back tomorrow...
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