Jokes
Showing jokes submitted by IN SEINE.
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Witch Time?
Once upon a time in England, a very mean witch was terrorizing the local population, who finally went to see a wizard to see what could be done about her. The wizard gave them a potion that would turn...
The New Footballer
The Liverpool manager flies to Kabul to watch a young Afghani play football. He is suitably impressed and arranges for the player to come over. Two weeks later Liverpool are 2-0 down to Chelsea with only...
The Premature Death
Showing his friend around his home, Walt pointed out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage. The day before I die, Id like to sell every piece weve got...
Texting Class
There was a group of women at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, How many of you love your husbands? All the women raised their hands. Then they...
The Confession of a Thief
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. For years, Ive been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where I work. How much did you take? Enough to build my own house and my sons house. And houses...
"I Once Led a Charmed Life!"
Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. So, hows life been for you? Ed asked. Not too good, Ted replied. My first wife died of cancer, my second wife turned out to be a lesbian and ran off...
Bigger Ones
I do the water and sewer billing for a small city in Washington state. Customers complained about our postcard-sized bills, which they said looked too much like junk mail. So we decided to start sending...
The Medical School Exam
When I was young my intent was to go to medical school, but I was confused by the entrance exam. The deciding question was, Re-arrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human...
Joseph of Arimathea's Tomb
Probably not everyone knows that the cave in which Jesus Christ was entombed was not originally his. It belonged to Joseph of Arimatheaa, a follower of Jesus who gave it over as Christ had no place of...
Did You Know That God Is Left-Handed?
Little Johnny was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all...
Trimming the Bush
One weekend, my husband and I were planning to move a section of fence to allow us to park a trailer. A lovely bush was partially in the way, and my husband promised hed be careful when trimming it back....
Prize-Winning Honeymoon
When Pierre and Marie Curie were honeymooning in their native France, they looked forward to visiting the bell tower at the Cathedral of Saint Lorraine near Nice. They anticipated that the playing of the...
Little Johnny Is up to His Tricks Again…
Hey, Mom, asked Little Johnny, can you give me twenty dollars? Certainly not, she said. If you do, he went on, Ill tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop. His mothers ears...
The Rich Bitch
Carolyn, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just wont move at all. After trying to drive the car at night for a week...
BIG Chopper
A man comes up to the owner of a lumberjack business and says, I need a job and I think Im pretty good. The owner replied, Okay, show me what you can do, chop down that redwood over there. The man said okay...
Elvis Presley's Love Child
Over drinks, one psychiatrist asked the other, What was your most difficult case? Once I had a patient who lived in a complete fantasy world, the second replied. He actually believed he was Elviss love child,...
The Three Companies
Sam walks into his bosss office. Sir, Ill be straight with you, I know the economy isnt great, but I have over three companies very interested in me - theyre constantly calling, and I would like to respectfully...
The Fat Girl
A college freshman comes home after being away all semester. Aer father looks her up and down, then says, Arent you a lot fatter than when you went away? Yes, I am, Dad, the girl admits. I weigh 140 pounds, stripped...
The Wedding Cake
A couple was arranging for their wedding, and asked the bakery to inscribe the wedding cake with 1 John 4:18 which reads There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. The bakery evidently lost, smudged or...
The Wedding Cake
A couple was arranging for their wedding, and asked the bakery to inscribe the wedding cake with 1 John 4:18 which reads There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. The bakery evidently lost, smudged or...
The Woman's Dream
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentines day. What do you think it means? Youll know tonight. he said. That evening, the man came home...
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