Showing jokes submitted by Barwood.

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David Cameron, Fabio Capello and Andy Murray are praying to God.Cameron asks When will the fighting stop in Libya. God says David my son There will be peace in Libya in August 2014. Capello asks him When...

submitted by Barwood, 03 July 2011

The French Soldier.

A war breaks out between the British and the French, during which the French capture a British Major. A soldier brings the Major to the French Colonel for interrogation. The Colonel begins ridiculing the...

submitted by Barwood, 23 January 2011

Naughty Naughty

One day a man came home and found his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen Whats wrong dearest he asked. Oh darling sobbed the wife I was cleaning in little suzies room when I found whips, handcuffs and...

submitted by Barwood, 02 June 2010

How Moses got the Ten Commandments

God went to the Arabs and said I have commandments for you that will make your life better. The Arabs asked What are commandments. The Lord says They are rules for living. Can you give us an example. Thou...

submitted by Barwood, 02 May 2010

The Diesel Fitter Joke

Paddy and Mick worked together in Leeds, were both laid off. So they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation Paddy answered Panty Stitcher I sew elastic onto ladies panties and thongs. The...

submitted by Barwood, 02 May 2010

Sex Education

Little Jimmy comes home from school. his mother asks him how was school. Great little Jimmy answers We had sex education and the teacher took us into the cupboard one by one for some practical work. His mother...

submitted by Barwood, 23 April 2010

9 Volt Batteries

What do a 9v battery and a womans asshole have in common. You know its wrong but sooner or later youre going to touch it with your tongue...

submitted by Barwood, 23 April 2010

Viagra Mickey Finn

An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her husbands sex drive. What about Viagra? asks the doctor. Not a chance says Mrs Murphy He wont even take an aspirin for a headache. No problem replies...

submitted by Barwood, 11 April 2010

New Person in Prison

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old timer inquiringly. The old timer says Look at me Im old and worn out. Youd never believe...

submitted by Barwood, 07 April 2010

Flavoured Condoms

Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours. Darling I will turn off the light, put one on and you can guess the flavour. As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says. Gorgonzola....

submitted by Barwood, 07 April 2010

Dentist Visit

The Smiths were shown into the dentists office, where Mr Smith made it clear he was in a big hurry. No fancy stuff,Doctor he ordered No gas or needles or any of that stuff just pull the tooth and get it over with I wish more...

submitted by Barwood, 07 April 2010

0 to 200 in 6 seconds

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really p****d off. She told him Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE The next...

submitted by Barwood, 07 April 2010


Two five year old boys are sitting in a hospital waiting room. One leans over to the other and says What are you in here for? The other says Circumcision The first boy says Oh man I had that done right after I was born. I couldnt...

submitted by Barwood, 07 April 2010

The Mortician's Wife

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine dead bodies before they were sent off to be cremated or buried As he examined the body of Mr Sam Christie who was about to be cremated...

submitted by Barwood, 07 April 2010

My Mate Colin.

My mate and I were sat in the pub last night when he said he knows everyone in the world. I said never he said watch me and the next person who walked in came over and said Hello Colin how are you. This...

submitted by Barwood, 04 April 2010

The Inventor

This man goes along to the Patent Office with some new designs. He says to the clerk Id like to register my new invention. Its a folding bottle OK says the clerk What do you call it A fottle replies the...

submitted by Barwood, 04 April 2010

Take my Dress Off

A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler Jeeves the rest of night off she said they would be home very late and that he should enjoy his evening....

submitted by Barwood, 04 April 2010

Little Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched behind a log. My what big eyes you have Mr Wolf says Little Red Riding Hood. The surprised wolf jumps up and runs...

submitted by Barwood, 04 April 2010

Kiss me where it smells of fish

A young lad and his girlfriend were getting passionate when his girlfriend whispered in his ear kiss me where it smells of fish. So he took her to Grimsby Docks...

submitted by Barwood, 03 April 2010
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