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Showing jokes submitted by D P Whitehead.


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What do you call a black man on a treadmill?

A hard-working gentleman who probably has a very steady job that enabled him to purchase his treadmill in the first place....

submitted by D P Whitehead, 19 February 2017

Jew

A Jewish kid was sitting in the back of class rubbing his crotch, and the teacher asked, Seth what are you doing? Seth replied, Teacher, my mommy had me circumcised yesterday and it still hurts. So the...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 21 May 2015

Awesome Joke

A horse walks into a bar and orders himself a vodka and tonic, the barman pours it and continues wiping glasses. Horse: Why the long face? Barman: Excuse me? Jewish Guy: This clown tastes funny. Barman:...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 28 February 2015

Knock Knock Joke

Knock Knock Whos there? Its the police. The police who? Listen, we havent time for this. We just came to tell you that your wife has been injured in a car accident and your presence is required at the hospital........

submitted by D P Whitehead, 10 February 2015

A Horse Walks Into A Bar.....

A horse walks into a bar and immediately panic ensues. Several customers vacate the premises, observing the potential danger the situation poses but unfortunately three drinkers are trampled to death....

submitted by D P Whitehead, 10 February 2015

Kiddie Fiddler Cousin

I was shocked to discover today that my cousin is a kiddie fiddler! Kevin is 7 years old and very proficient at playing the violin. We are all very proud of him. What? Oh, you thought he was pervert?...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 10 August 2014

Just A Head

A boy is born without a body; only a head. For his 21st birthday his father takes him to a bar for a drink. The father orders his son a scotch and when the boy drinks it, an arm pops out of his head. He...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 03 June 2014

French Maid Joke

A French maid was tidying up for a wealthy computer whiz. She commented that he had a nice PC. He looked frustrated and said, Yeah, its top of the line, but I cant seem to get any programs to start up....

submitted by D P Whitehead, 17 May 2014

Justin Bieber Finds A Man Tied To A Tree

One day Justin Bieber was walking down an old dirt road when he noticed, down an embankment, a man tied naked, face down to a large fallen tree. Justin ran down to the man, and while removing his backpack...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 22 April 2014

AIDS

One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon, everyone was...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 21 April 2014

A Joke Involving Death

A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone. Well, obviously i am not...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 21 April 2014

Disabled Man On The Beach

A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when three attractive blondes approach him. The first blonde says to him I bet youve never been hugged before. The legless man shakes his head. Then the second blonde says,...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 21 April 2014

Hard of Hearing Boss

A secretary goes into her boss office and asks, May I use your dictaphone? He replies, No. Use your finger like everyone else. Obviously he misheard her - he thought she said dick to phone! How hilarious that would...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 21 April 2014

Masturbating Joke

A boy was playing with himself in the bathtub when his father walked in and said, Son, if you dont stop doing that, youll go blind. The boy said,Dad, Im over here. Obviously the father was a prolific masturbator. Now,...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 21 April 2014

Chelsea Clinton

What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton. Whats the difference between Hillary Clinton and a seal? One smells of fish and has whiskers, the other one is Hillary Clinton....

submitted by D P Whitehead, 18 April 2014

Man Killed By Wife

A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, Youre beautiful! and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 18 April 2014

Seasick Joke

Mr. Johnsons wife of 50 years suggested they take a cruise: We could go somewhere for a week, and make wild love like we did when we were young. He thought it over and agreed. He went to the pharmacy and bought a bottle of seasick...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 17 April 2014

Old Woman Sucks A Lollipop And Is Accused of Being A Whore! Disgusting.

An old lady approaches a police station and observes three women in handcuffs waiting to go in. The old lady asks one of the women, Why are you in line? The woman looks at the other prostitutes, winks and says, Were waiting in line...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 16 April 2014

Old Man Driving

A senior citizen was driving down the freeway when his wife called his cell phone. Harold, I just heard on the news that theres a car going the wrong way on Route 285. Please be careful! Its not just one car, said Harold, Its hundreds...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 15 April 2014

The Worse Joke Ever

A man sits next to a very attractive woman on an airplane. He asks her what kind of men she is interested in. Her top three choices are American Indian men, Jewish men and Southern men. The woman asks...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 15 April 2014

Justin Bieber Helicopter Lesson Joke

Justin Bieber was taking helicopter lessons. The instructor said, Ill radio you every 1000 feet to see how youre doing. At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed him and said he was doing great. At 2000...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 14 April 2014

Guinness

After the World Beer Festival, all the Presidents of the breweries decide to go to the pub for a drink. The coors President said Can I have the only beer made with Rocky Mountain Spring Water: a Coors,...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 11 April 2014

Explorer

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer said,...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 11 April 2014

Orange Penis Joke

Rob staggers into the shower. He notices that his penis is bright orange. He feels normal, but hes concerned and goes to the doctor. After a thorough examination, the doctor says, You seem to be fine and...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 10 April 2014
Showing page 1 (of 5 pages)

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