Jokes
Showing jokes submitted by Mark Percival.
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Wife never had an orgasm
Paddys wife had never had an orgasm, so they decided to go to the Doctors to find out why. After a number of tests and questions the Doctor suggests that Paddys wife could be over-heating during sex....
Reincarnation
I was down the local bar last night when a woman came up and asked me what reincarnation meant....
Local Mosque
I was going through a couple of magazines the other day, down at our local Mosque....
Friends wife left him
My friends wife left him last Thursday - she said she was going out for some milk, and never came back....
Pakistani Friend
Ive got a Pakistani friend called Salim, and I popped round to see him today....
Poor Hypnotist!
I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night. he hypnotised seven men, dropped the microphone on his foot and yelled fuck me...
Sperm Donations
Im sick to death of people coming to the door asking for donations....
German Plumber
I called a plumber in the other day, and a German turned up....
Car of the Year
Car of the year for 2010, as voted for by readers of Womans Weekly Magazine ....................
Hotel Sex
A man staying at a hotel takes a card offering sex from a telephone booth....
Cost of living
When I was a kid my Mum would send me down the shop with a few pence. I could get a chocolate bar, a bag of sweets, a comic book, a fizzy drink, a big bag of crisps and a lollipop - and still come home...
Muslim Woman
A Muslim woman knocked on my door last night. I didnt open the door, but just talked through the letterbox....... .... I said How do you like it??...
Autoglass
Im not a suspicious person, but my wife just said that Gavin from Autoglass popped round earlier, and injected his special resin in her crack ............. She hasnt even got a bloody car!!...
Shagging Twins
My mates shagging pair of twins. I said How do you tell them apart? He said Its easy - Julies got long blonde hair and Dereks got a moustache!...
Alex Reid - Fight of my Life
On Bravo at 10pm tonight - not to be missed. Alex Reid - the fight of my life .......... ........... Its his turn to bath Harvey!...
Face Cream versus Beer
A husband and wife are shopping at Coles in the Local Shopping Centre The husband picks up a case of VB and puts it in their trolley. What do you think youre doing? asks the wife. Theyre on sale,...
Scuba Divers
Paddy asks Murphy: Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats? Murphy replies, Well, if they fell forward theyd still be in the fuckin boat!...
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