Jokes

All jokes submitted by Mark Percival.

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Wife never had an orgasm

Paddys wife had never had an orgasm, so they decided to go to the Doctors to find out why. After a number of tests and questions the Doctor suggests that Paddys wife could be over-heating during sex....

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Reincarnation

I was down the local bar last night when a woman came up and asked me what reincarnation meant....

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Local Mosque

I was going through a couple of magazines the other day, down at our local Mosque....

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Friends wife left him

My friends wife left him last Thursday - she said she was going out for some milk, and never came back....

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Pakistani Friend

Ive got a Pakistani friend called Salim, and I popped round to see him today....

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Poor Hypnotist!

I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night. he hypnotised seven men, dropped the microphone on his foot and yelled fuck me...

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Sperm Donations

Im sick to death of people coming to the door asking for donations....

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German Plumber

I called a plumber in the other day, and a German turned up....

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Car of the Year

Car of the year for 2010, as voted for by readers of Womans Weekly Magazine ....................

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Hotel Sex

A man staying at a hotel takes a card offering sex from a telephone booth....

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Cruise Ship

Paddy and Murphy are on a cruise ship....

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Cost of living

When I was a kid my Mum would send me down the shop with a few pence. I could get a chocolate bar, a bag of sweets, a comic book, a fizzy drink, a big bag of crisps and a lollipop - and still come home...

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Muslim Woman

A Muslim woman knocked on my door last night. I didnt open the door, but just talked through the letterbox....... .... I said How do you like it??...

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Autoglass

Im not a suspicious person, but my wife just said that Gavin from Autoglass popped round earlier, and injected his special resin in her crack ............. She hasnt even got a bloody car!!...

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Shagging Twins

My mates shagging pair of twins. I said How do you tell them apart? He said Its easy - Julies got long blonde hair and Dereks got a moustache!...

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Alex Reid - Fight of my Life

On Bravo at 10pm tonight - not to be missed. Alex Reid - the fight of my life .......... ........... Its his turn to bath Harvey!...

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Face Cream versus Beer

A husband and wife are shopping at Coles in the Local Shopping Centre The husband picks up a case of VB and puts it in their trolley. What do you think youre doing? asks the wife. Theyre on sale,...

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Scuba Divers

Paddy asks Murphy: Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats? Murphy replies, Well, if they fell forward theyd still be in the fuckin boat!...

Jokes

Wife never had an orgasm

Reincarnation

Local Mosque

Friends wife left him

Pakistani Friend

Poor Hypnotist!

Sperm Donations

German Plumber

Car of the Year

Hotel Sex

Cruise Ship

Cost of living

Muslim Woman

Autoglass

Shagging Twins

Alex Reid - Fight of my Life

Face Cream versus Beer

Scuba Divers

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