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Showing jokes submitted by MostlyHarmless.


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Be careful what you ask for

Driving along a country road, a man saw an old lady, obviously in distress, at the side of the road. Are you ill? he asked her. She looked up Youll have to speak up she croaked Im a bit deaf. Are you OK? he shouted. Im tired and I need a drink she said. The man got a bottle of water out of his car and gave it to the old hag. Thanks, dearie she said Now Ill do something for you. Ill grant you one wish - anything you want. The man thought for a moment, then shouted his wish into her ear....

submitted by MostlyHarmless, 22 February 2013

Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.

A man watched a fisherman unpack his tackle on the bank of a river. The fisherman pulled out some line, wrapped it round his left hand and flung the rod into the river with the other, pulled it back, and repeated the process. The man could...

submitted by MostlyHarmless, 22 February 2013

Make a reel difference

Give a poor starving man a fish, and youve fed him for a day, earned his gratitude, and maybe saved his life. Give a poor...

submitted by MostlyHarmless, 22 February 2013

Horsing about

A white horse walks into a bar. The barman laughs and says to the horse Weve got a whisky named after you!. Really? says the horse. Yes, really says the barman,...

submitted by MostlyHarmless, 22 February 2013

Wheel meet again

A security guard stops a man leaving a factory gate. The man is pushing a wheelbarrow with a hessian sack covering it. Lets have a look under that sack says the guard. The man obliges, lifting the sack - nothing underneath - the barrows empty. On you go says the guard. Next day same thing, the guard stops the man and looks under...

submitted by MostlyHarmless, 18 August 2011

Brass Neck

A donkey walks into a bar. Ill have a pound he says to the barman. The barman says You mean a beer? No says the donkey I mean a pound. The barman opens the till and takes out a coin and holds it up This is a pound he says A beer costs a...

submitted by MostlyHarmless, 18 August 2011

The Bear Facts

Granpappy was atellin a storee ter the little uns. Then I seed this normuss grizzly barr up ahead, an I thort If I dun what he dun he might think I wozza barr tew, an leeve me be. Now he scratched his nose, so I scratched...

submitted by MostlyHarmless, 30 June 2011

Milk of Amnesia

An old man was sitting on a park bench crying. A passer-by stopped and asked what was the problem. Ive got a lovely home and a beautiful young wife said the man. Then why are you crying? asked the...

submitted by MostlyHarmless, 30 June 2011

Primitive Logic

Anthropologist: This is a mobile phone. It works like the radio you have, but you can talk to the person at the other end. Amazon Native: I like the radio, but I will never use one of those things....

submitted by MostlyHarmless, 09 November 2010

Inuitition

Explorer: How do you navigate in this white wilderness? Eskimo: God has given us the wind, the sun by day, the stars at night. Explorer: What if its cloudy, and theres no wind? Eskimo: Tom-Tom has...

submitted by MostlyHarmless, 09 November 2010

Sum simple facts

A Spoof! survey reveals 50% of Spoof! writers cant spell, 50% cant type...

submitted by MostlyHarmless, 08 November 2010

The Bear Facts

Two hikers spotted a grizzly a short way off one dropped his pack and started running, shouting RUN! to his companion who...

submitted by MostlyHarmless, 08 November 2010

Pure Logic

This is a true story. Some years ago a friend was touring the west of Ireland by car. Late one sunny morning, he spied a bar...

submitted by MostlyHarmless, 18 May 2010

Don't make a pig of yourself

A poor farmer has a pig but no boar, and wanting to breed the pig, approaches a neighbour who has a boar but no pigs. They...

submitted by MostlyHarmless, 18 May 2010

A whale of a Tale

[Authors note: A Birmingham or brummie accent is rather thick and chews words somewhat.] A brummie is sitting on the bank of...

submitted by MostlyHarmless, 18 May 2010

Eureka!

Two cavemen are sitting on a hilltop one sunny friday afternoon, bashing rocks with stone hammers. One has chipped a flat rock into a rough disc, and stands the disc on edge to put the finishing touches. Letting go for a moment to reach for a smaller hammer, hes amazed to see the stone roll down the hill, gathering speed. They look at...

submitted by MostlyHarmless, 18 May 2010

Simple when you know.....

A Russian guy is walking along the road. He sees two workmen on the grass verge, and stops to watch. One digs a hole, then the other fills it in while the first moves along a few yards and digs another. Intrigued, he watches them progress slowly along the verge. Unable to contain...

submitted by MostlyHarmless, 16 May 2010

Yahooooo!

I saw an old guy sitting on a bench, his shoulders shaking. Thinking he was sobbing, I approached, only to realise he was chuckling to himself. Relieved,...

submitted by MostlyHarmless, 16 May 2010

You heard it here first.....

Did you know that the Oxford English Dictionary lists...

submitted by MostlyHarmless, 16 May 2010
Showing page 1 (of 1 pages)


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