Jokes
Showing jokes submitted by Spicewood.
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Misunderstood
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, Why are you dumping garbage in the...
Math Problem
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called...
The New Corvette
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying...
Olympic Women's Marathon
Tryouts for the U.S. Olympic womens marathon swim team were to be held. The first was in California; a swim from from Santa Monica to Catalina doing only the breaststroke. Three women signed up for the...
The Frog and The Golfer
A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, Ribbit...
Tea or Lemonade
It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1957 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell. Oh, come on in! Peggy Sues mother said as she welcomed Fred in. Have a...
What's in a name?
Whats in a name? The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Pee-Ka-Boo) is not just an athlete. She is now a nurse currently working at an Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital....
Honey, I lost the car
Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed...
Sick Leave
I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted Crazy then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside-down...
Boy, It sure is hell getting old!
One medical student said to his friend, Do you see that poor old man over there? Im sure that he has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that. The other student says, No, I dont think so. The...
Three guys were talking .............
Three guys were sitting at the International Bar, talking. Abe, a Jewish man, said,I rubbed vegetable oil all over my wife this weekend, then we made mad passionate love for an hour, and it was so good,...
Dean and Harry...
Harry Johnson and Dean Schlosser, two old friends, were out rabbit hunting one Saturday morning in November. Suddenly, as Harry was stepping over a small bush, he grabbed his chest and fell to the ground,...
Labor Saving Device
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mothers labor pain to the babys father....
Dog for Sale
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: Talking Dog For Sale He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is...
A True Love Story for the Ages
Ed and Carolyn met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking...
A Kiss is a Kiss is a Kiss ........
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, What are you doing? Im going to commit...
LeBron James
LeBron James left the Cleveland Cavaliers and went to the Miami Heat so he could win a championship ring. Well, the tournament is over and he didnt win an...
Men are so Considerate
The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling...
And, she's a Southern Baptist
The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services and taught Sunday School every week. On one Sunday, an out of town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the...
A Zoo Problem
A small zoo in Arkansas obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem....
Watching TV
The wife and I were at home watching TV. I had the remote and was switching back and forth between a Fishing channel and the porn channel. She became more and more annoyed and finally said: For Gods...
Shipwrecked
A man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there...
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