Jokes
Showing jokes submitted by queen mudder.
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NASA cocktail bar
A fight broke out at an upmarket cocktail bar on the Dark Side of the Moon tonight after some alien VIPs complained the decor, lighting and general ambience was crap....
Vampires
A couple of thirsty vampires decide to raid a NHS blood bank after a long drought of their favorite O Negative tipple....
NCIS The Movie
The team travels to the UK amid reports that a high-ranking US Navy rear admiral on vacation in London has been killed in a multiple fatalities asteroid attack....
Taleban family planning
There was crushing disappointment at a secret Afghan baby factory where terrorists were caught conducting black magic fertility experiments....
Jimmy Savile
A page from Saviles secret diary has been found in a skip near his former private quarters at HMP Broadmoor....
Max Clifford
The veteran PR guru to the stars once had David Blunkett as a client during his early backbencher days....
Rolf Harris
The Oz artist spoke today about chatting with the Queen whose likeness he painted in 2005....
Thatcher wake
Disaster was narrowly averted at Lady Thatchers wake today after thieves stole the caterers van and all its delicious contents....
Boat race wedding
A bridal arch made up of rowers oars caused havoc this weekend at the wedding of an Oxford v Cambridge Boat Race steward....
More NCIS
An unexplained incident at Norfolk Naval Station sees a marines body brought in for postmortem analysis at Dr Donald Mallards pathology lab....
Ed Balls sauna
The Labour Shadow Chancellor has treated his Treasury team to an all-bells-and-whistles lads day out at a Finnish sauna in a famous London spa....
Monica Lewinsky service wash
Braving some deafening emergency road works outside Georgetowns Out Damned Spot! Chinese laundry the former Clinton intern enters the shop clutching her famous blue party dress and asks for a quickie...
Angela Merkel
After several weeks of putting off the inevitable Angela Merkel finally goes to the doctors suffering from suspected morning sickness. A quick examination confirms shes definitely pregnant and well into...
War on Terra
An Irish terrorist has complained to his bank following a disastrous attempt to buy some ex-MoD ordnance. After slipping into an army equipment surplus store the would-be bomber selected a few items including...
Sperm wail
A radical alternative to painful vasectomy surgery has just been announced with the discovery of an astonishing new sugar pill. Patients undergoing the latest procedure have to lie and swallow the tablet while...
British sex education
An online discussion about sex education needing to promote the value of abstinence has become the latest victim of the horse scandal. One blogger wrote that because he and his wife did not trust teachers to do...
Arabian bust
An Iranian, a Lebanese and 18 Saudis walked into Al Abar in Makkah, Saudi Arabia. Al Abar man, twenty pina coladas and make it snappy! one of the men said. The Al Abar man looked at them intently before pulling...
Mitt Romney chastity talk
Speaking about the 2012 campaign that saw him pick Paul Ryan as his running mate Mitt Romney revealed they almost came to blows after a spectacular communications cock-up. I said: I never had sex with my wife before...
Dalai Lama's retreat
What attracts nearly three thousand five hundred Flying Yogis each year to holiday at the Dalai Lamas Indian mountain-top HQ at McLeod Ganj, Dharamshala? A new guidebook thinks its got the answer and says the area has...
Prince Charles in Arabia
At a state banquet for Charles and Camilla in Doha tonight the Emir joked about how traces of horse hoof had been found in Charles Duchy Original sausages. Its true, Your Highness, Charles replied, the problems bad and...
The Greatest Story Ever Told
Filming of George Stevens 1965 movie about the life of Jesus was beset with problems according to a recent Hollywood memoir. Controversial casting saw Sicilian American actor - and notorious ad libber - Robert Loggia take...
The Papal Conclave
After a week of sombre contemplation a group of bored Cardinals decided to consult the Holy Spirit and throw an office party before the big vote. Dozens of Tequila cases later a high jinx mood set in as Papal contenders began...
Celibacy
At St Peters Basilica in Rome two elderly Cardinals were discussing the churchs celibacy rule ahead of voting for a new Pontiff. So whens the last time you shagged an altar boy, then? Eighty-something Cardinal OFlaherty asked...
Ghostbusters
Outtakes discovered on an old studio cutting room floor from the 1984 Ivan Reitman-directed supernatural comedy show just how close the movie got to X-rated farce. The original script saw actress Sigourney Weavers Dana Barrett...
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