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Showing jokes submitted by Lady Godiva.


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The young num and the lemon

A young nun had to face Mother Superior of the convent she was in to give her some bad news....

submitted by Lady Godiva, 31 July 2011

Mother Superior Faints

A young nun entered Mother Superiors office and told Mother Superior that the was leaving the order as she wanted to become a prostitute....

submitted by Lady Godiva, 30 July 2011

The story of Harry the Eagle

Well one day Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for Mary, his darling of 10 glorious years....

submitted by Lady Godiva, 10 July 2011

Old man gets married

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:...

submitted by Lady Godiva, 08 July 2011

Couple in their nineties

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things....

submitted by Lady Godiva, 08 July 2011

Hospital regulations

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase...

submitted by Lady Godiva, 08 July 2011

Hearing Problems

An elderly gentlema had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%....

submitted by Lady Godiva, 08 July 2011

Garage Door

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, This morning when you left your house, did you close your...

submitted by Lady Godiva, 08 July 2011

TGIF

A Blonde goes over to her friends house wearing a tight TGIF tee-shirt. Why are you wearing a Thank God Its Friday tee-shirt on Monday? her friend asked her. Oh crap! the blonde says. I didnt realize...

submitted by Lady Godiva, 02 July 2011

The Funniest Staff Meeting Ever!

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who...

submitted by Lady Godiva, 02 July 2011

Sharing everything

An elderly couple entered a fast food restaurant. The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half...

submitted by Lady Godiva, 15 May 2011

Breakfast

A grade 3 teacher was asking her students what theyd had for breakfast that morning To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers. Susan puts up her hand and says she had...

submitted by Lady Godiva, 23 April 2011

Blonde tries to do a jigsaw puzzle

A blonde phoned her boyfriend - totally frustrated. She was trying to do a jigsaw puzzle all by herself. Her boyfriend, on receiveing the phone-call, told her to calm down and hed be over to help her with...

submitted by Lady Godiva, 12 December 2010

Good bye mom

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned...

submitted by Lady Godiva, 24 November 2010

Divorced Barbie

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that its his daughters birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, How much for one of those Barbies in...

submitted by Lady Godiva, 22 November 2010

The Day the Penis asked for a raise

The Day the Penis asked for a Raise I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labour. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I...

submitted by Lady Godiva, 22 November 2010

Puns anyone?

1. The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian...

submitted by Lady Godiva, 22 November 2010

Golfing with seniors

I havent played golf for a while as Ive been too busy but this week I had a few days holiday so I played golf with the seniors yesterday. I ended up playing with Arthur. He is 90 years old! Hes played golf nearly...

submitted by Lady Godiva, 21 November 2010

Didn't know I had a choice

A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whisky. The stewardess asked the Muslim if hed like a drink. He replied in disgust Id rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!...

submitted by Lady Godiva, 21 November 2010

Getting a hairdryer through customs at airport

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, Father, may I ask a favour? Of course, child. What may I do for you? Well, I bought an expensive womans electronic hair dryer for my mothers...

submitted by Lady Godiva, 21 November 2010

What's up with this one?

I have a very good friend and neighbour who is Chinese. His name is Lee Wong. Two years ago he married his childhood sweetheart. Her name is Su and she is also of Chinese origin. Last week they had their first baby and we went...

submitted by Lady Godiva, 21 November 2010

Let's hear it for the Irish and the Scottish amongst us

My grandad was Irish and my mother-in-law was Scottish so I am allowed to pass on this gem to you as told by a friend. **************************************************************** My father who lived in Scotland called me in...

submitted by Lady Godiva, 21 November 2010

You've just gotta luv the Irish

After having their 11th child, an Irish couple decided that was enough, as the social wouldnt buy them a bigger bed and they werent strong enough to nick one. The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didnt...

submitted by Lady Godiva, 21 November 2010

How to get to Heaven from Ireland

How to get to Heaven from Ireland Children were being tested in a Dublin Sunday school class, by their teacher, to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. They were asked, If I sold my house and my car, had a big...

submitted by Lady Godiva, 21 November 2010
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