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Showing jokes submitted by nigmuncher.


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Animal welfare

A police officer sees a man driving around Warrington with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: You cant drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to Chester zoo immediately....

submitted by nigmuncher, 19 October 2009

Bad dog! Bad dog!

A man walks into a bar and says Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack. The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says Another. The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says...

submitted by nigmuncher, 19 October 2009

Thoap

The boss placed a sign directly over the sink in the mens room at work. It had a single word on it: Think! The next day when the boss went to the mens room, he saw another sign had been placed immediately above the...

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

Irish Logic

Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing. Paddy replied, Were supposed to be finding the height of this flagpole, but we dont have a ladder....

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

That's us done

Apparently the NHS is on high alert, has anti-viral drugs in place and will be using all its resources and expertise to keep the swine-flu virus from spreading in the UK. Or in other words, were fucked....

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

A real doctor?

I just saw this on BBC news: WHO DECLARES SWINE FLU PANDEMIC Somebody needs to let them know hes not a real doctor....

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

Swine flu

First we had mad cow disease, then bird flu and now swine flu. What the fuck is this? Farmageddon?...

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

Basic skills

When I left home, my mum said, Dont forget to write. I thought, Thats unlikely... Its a basic skill, isnt it?...

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

That should do it

Some doctor on television this morning said that the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things Id started and hadnt finished and, before leaving the...

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

Make your penis bigger

I hate those Make your penis bigger emails I keep getting. I wish my girlfriend would stop sending them to me...

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

I am so drunk

I went to Alcoholics Anonymous the other day and stood up and said, I have a gambling problem. Another guy stood up and said, I think you want Gamblers Anonymous. So I said, youre probably right, Im so drunk I dont know where...

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

Far out, man

A Hippy is standing in a graveyard leaning on a shovel. A man walks by and asks Do you dig graves? Yeah, theyre alright! replies the hippy....

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

Fat lass

So here I am, walking down a quite dark alley, when the...

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

First kiss

They say youll never forget your first kiss. This was mine....

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

Salad's revenge

Bloke: Doctor, Ive got this terrible pain in my arse Doctor:...

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

Beer warning

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties local...

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

Out with a bang

My Grandad used to put a spoonful of gunpowder into his tea every...

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

A bit tactless

I was at my mates house when his wife asked, Do I have anything on my cheeks? to which, he responded, Which cheeks? She gave a cheeky smile and a giggle, and it looked like he was going to get laid that...

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

Suicide feet

As Dave walked towards the edge of the cliff and certain death, he realised his feet were killing him....

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

Oops s**t

A man went for an audition at a local club. Youd better not be a hypnotist, theyre not welcome here. No Im not, Im a singer. Why, whats wrong with a hypnotist? Well, we had one a couple days ago with ten...

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

Supermarket fun

Ive just copied and pasted the barcode on Googles homepage, cut it out and stuck it to a tin of beans in Asda. Should have seen the look on the checkout girls face when she tried to charge me £32 billion....

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

A misunderstanding

I walked into a bar the other day and slipped in a big lump of shit which I had failed to see, as I recovered from this disaster and took a seat at the bar I ordered a drink. As I ordered, another bloke...

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

My feminine side

My girlfriend said I should let my feminine side show a bit more often. So I reversed the car into a bus stop, shouted at her for no reason, spent two hours in the bathroom - coming out looking exactly...

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009

I wonder

If a woman says something, and there isnt a man around to hear her, is she still wrong?...

submitted by nigmuncher, 18 October 2009
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