Showing page 5 (of 580 pages)

Two Limericks

As an occasional versifier from Kentucky, Im ashamed of the partial birth limerick that Senator Rand Paul delivered at Saturdays Fancy Farm Picnic. (To Sen. Pauls credit, however, you can tell he didnt...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 07 August 2014

Obama's Birthday

The Presidents Physician gets a 3am phone call from Barack Obama who thinks he overdid it celebrating his birthday. Symptoms include feeling spaced out, sweaty and terrible heartburn after eating an entire...

submitted by queen mudder, 04 August 2014

Zealot Repellent

This morning a woman rang our doorbell, offering our family a Bible and clearly wanting to share with me her faith journey, hoping, no doubt, that I would join her. I then explained to her that we already had...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 03 August 2014

Heaven or Hell

Theres a worry for a lot of people who are the point of dying. But they shouldnt worry whether they go to Heaven or Hell. If you go to Heaven you wont know anyone you meet and will die of boredom. But if you...

submitted by j.w., 31 July 2014

Putin in the closet

A newly appointed Russian security chief has asked the KGB about gay rumors surrounding President Vladimir Putin. Comrade, one of the spooks replies, thats like asking whats the difference between President Putin...

submitted by queen mudder, 25 July 2014

Space Station surveillance report

The ISS has apologised about its malfunctioning eye-in-the-sky. Early reports showed a massive, unidentified tornado-like object on New Jerseys George Washington Bridge about to obliterate the Garden State. Fortunately...

submitted by queen mudder, 20 July 2014

Law school

A Southern law school recruiter at a New York jobs fair invites 100 graduates to apply for fast tracking to an exclusive course. After a quick preamble describing the degree course he asks the audience Did yall go to Harvard?...

submitted by queen mudder, 26 June 2014

Clinton, Biden, Obama and now George Dubya Bush plead poverty

Thats nothing, Dubya said tonight after President Barack Obama told TV viewers he and Michelle were so strapped for cash they had to resort to twice monthly payday loans. When Laura and I left the White House nearly bankrupt and...

submitted by queen mudder, 24 June 2014

Hospital Nightmare

I had a nightmare on my most recent visit to hospital. I came across this sign Minor Surgeryand looked into the clinic. There were young boys and girls carving up bodies as they were learning how to carry out surgery and I was next...

submitted by j.w., 18 June 2014

Reflections of an old Indian Tribe

I was reminded today of an old friend, a gentleman I met in Nevada, an Osage Indian, who was aged when I met him. He had no idea of his age. When he was born, on the Indian reservation, in Oklahoma, there...

submitted by Spicewood, 04 June 2014

Just A Head

A boy is born without a body; only a head. For his 21st birthday his father takes him to a bar for a drink. The father orders his son a scotch and when the boy drinks it, an arm pops out of his head. He...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 03 June 2014

Builder joke

Three house builders are on holiday by the sea when one says to the other two, I bet I could erect a home in half the time it takes you pair to build. Not at all put off by his comment,...

submitted by whatinthe world, 31 May 2014

Second Amendment Rewrite

Since the NRA finds this phrase--being necessary to the security of a free state--so pesky anyway, here is my proposal for rewriting the 2nd Amendment: A well regulated Militia, being necessary...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 30 May 2014

Time to pay.

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, I dont feel like it, I just want you to hold me. I said, WHAT??!!...

submitted by Philip McArthur, 30 May 2014

The Guy With Two Ex-Wives

A man notices a guy sitting alone in the same pub night after night. The man is always sad, and even cries over his beer sometimes. Feeling sorry for him, the man introduces himself and soon the two...

submitted by Stefano M. Stefano, 28 May 2014

Dear Stewart Lee

Dear Stewart Lee, Ive just turned 28-years-old and I have suddenly found myself depressed and losing my IQ at a dramatic rate. What is most stressful is that since my birthday, whenever my friends talk...

submitted by Jack Allen, 27 May 2014

MacDonald's Is Your Kind of Place

(To be sung to that tune so many of us in our 40s and 50s know so well) MacDonalds is your kind of place Its such a happy place (Unless your pay cant keep pace With the cost of living today). MacDonalds...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 22 May 2014

Pope christens ocean going ship for first time in history!

Pope Francis has christened an ocean going ship for the first time in the history of The Roman Catholic Church! The event took place yesterday afternoon at a boat yard in Venice, Italy! As thousands of jubilant...

submitted by b kenneth mcgee, 19 May 2014

On the Beach

There was this bloke who fancied having sex with his wife but she said she couldnt do anything with the kids around. So they went to a deserted beach and made love. However a prying policeman noticed the couple and...

submitted by j.w., 18 May 2014

French Maid Joke

A French maid was tidying up for a wealthy computer whiz. She commented that he had a nice PC. He looked frustrated and said, Yeah, its top of the line, but I cant seem to get any programs to start up....

submitted by D P Whitehead, 17 May 2014


I bought a used car yesterday from a salesman. Only problem was he was trying to sell me steak knives. Day before I bought a set of encyclopedias...

submitted by whatinthe world, 07 May 2014

Irish Piss Process

Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams walks into Antrim Police Station saying he wants to make a statement about Boston Colleges oral hysteries concerning...

submitted by queen mudder, 06 May 2014

Super Sex!

A man wants to give his grandfather a special present for his 90th birthday, and decides to get him a call girl, since his grandmother passed away...

submitted by Stefano M. Stefano, 06 May 2014

Nice Tie

A man walks into an almost deserted bar and sits down on a bar stool. The bartender walks over and takes the mans order. While the man sits there in the silence he hears a faint nice tie. He looks around,...

submitted by Catchthisdrift, 06 May 2014
Showing page 5 (of 580 pages)

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