Showing page 5 (of 582 pages)

Panic Button

I get a new pair of keys for the car we recently bought. Of course, it has a panic button on it; and, confused, I press it instead of the unlock button and then that loud, annoying honking starts and...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 07 May 2015

No 69 on Joe Biden's list of gaffes

Vice President Biden has denied endorsing Hillary Clinton for her 2016 presidential run. The womans got terrible civil liberties issues, the Veep suggested. Including the worlds worst record on human...

submitted by queen mudder, 17 April 2015

Contemporary Quotes

When JK Rowling was asked what she most enjoyed reading, she said, My royalty statements. If at first you dont succeed, try reading the instructions. - St Manual of Ikea. Thats one small step for man,...

submitted by Mark McKirdy, 15 April 2015

Theoretician v Practician ?

The Scientists are very smart and unordinary people. But what is the difference between Theoretician and Practician ? Here is the answer ! 1. When Theoretician DO NOTHING Everyone thinks that HE IS THINKING....

submitted by Happy Data Scientist, 29 March 2015

Hot And Cold Sex

An old couple in their seventies goes to the same doctor at the same time for an annual check-up. The Doctor examines the man first and finds hes in good health and asks if he has any questions. Well, Doctor,...

submitted by Stefano M. Stefano, 21 March 2015

Purina Priapic Formula for Older Dogs (Advertisement)

CLOSE-UP of a sleeping dog. Then cut away to a dog in his apartment, with a cute collie named Denise, and Barry Whites Cant Get Enough of Your Love, Bitch playing in the background. Cut to dog sleeping,...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 17 March 2015

Modern Parenting

Parents of today like to reminisce about the simple things - they say things like One day youre eating Happy Meals at work in order to collect...

submitted by Leo Montford, 05 March 2015

Awesome Joke

A horse walks into a bar and orders himself a vodka and tonic, the barman pours it and continues wiping glasses. Horse: Why the long face? Barman:...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 28 February 2015

A positive moonbeam for the soul -

A wise man told me he had one wish and one wish only. I dont ask for much, but I love peace and serenity. I live for it. I love it. I feed off it,...

submitted by Samuel Vargo, 14 February 2015

Marvin Gaye

The Motown singer was asked about the inspiration behind his hits and named President Obamas favorite vacation hot spot of Marthas Vineyard where he relaxed by turning his attention to animal husbandry....

submitted by queen mudder, 12 February 2015

Knock Knock Joke

Knock Knock Whos there? Its the police. The police who? Listen, we havent time for this. We just came to tell you that your wife has been injured in a car accident and your presence is required at the hospital........

submitted by D P Whitehead, 10 February 2015

A Horse Walks Into A Bar.....

A horse walks into a bar and immediately panic ensues. Several customers vacate the premises, observing the potential danger the situation poses but unfortunately three drinkers are trampled to death....

submitted by D P Whitehead, 10 February 2015

Proud Democrat

Proud To Be Democrat first grade teacher in the Midwest is explaining to her class that she is a Republican and how nice it is that a new Republican president has taken office.She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Republicans and support George Bush.Everyone in class raises their hands except one little girl.Mary, says the teacher with surprise, why didnt you raise your hand?Because Im not a Republican, says Mary. Well, what are you? asks the teacher.Im...

submitted by kilo914, 01 February 2015

What's the difference between a Taliban Outpost and a Afghanistani School?

Whats the difference between a Taliban Outpost and a Afghanistani School? I dont know I just fly the drone. Youll laugh if you love black...

submitted by kilo914, 01 February 2015

Reports of God's Death Exaggerated

Friedrich Nietzsches famous remark God is dead is one of two statements by him that have survived to shore up the foundations of what they call agnosticism...The second is....I cannot believe in a God...

submitted by Auntie Matter, 28 January 2015

Lunchtime Disaster

Three construction workers who were working on a 90-story building in Manhattan ate lunch with each other every day. They all brought brown-bagged lunches. This sure is getting old. The same egg-salad...

submitted by Samuel Vargo, 21 January 2015

That's a good wittle one percent!

Oh, does the poor wittle wealthy not want their taxes waised to help the struggling middle class? Does they not want Obama to do what presidents have done at least since the Eisenhower Adminstwation?...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 20 January 2015

Blonde Joke

Blonde goes into a library and says, Can I have a burger and fries, please? The librarian smiles and says, Lady, this is a library! Oh, sorry. Whispering: Can I have a burger and fries, please? x x...

submitted by Michael Egan, 18 January 2015

How Many Scamatologists Does It Take to Screw in A Light Bulb? Part 2

For the question How Many Scamatologists Does It Take to Screw in A Light Bulb? The answer truly lies in how much money the Scamatologist has. If he has enough of those Franklins, like a box full, he...

submitted by Al N., 16 January 2015

The Onion Joke

Same woman goes into a green grocer and says, Can I have pound of onions, please? The guy replies, Sorry, lady, were all out of onions right now. But if you come back tomorrow therell be plenty. Oh,...

submitted by Michael Egan, 14 January 2015


Woman goes into a butcher store and says Can I have a pound of kidleys, please? The butcher says, You mean kidneys. Well, thats what I said, didle I? Note (To make up for the word length.) Brevity is...

submitted by Michael Egan, 14 January 2015

"The cow's got to be from Michigan"

A farmer bought a beautiful dairy cow, a dappled black and white thing. He spent a hefty amount of money for the cow and bought it from a farmer friend in Michigan. The New Jersey farmer discovered that...

submitted by Samuel Vargo, 12 January 2015

Knock knock returns!

After much encouragement I have been persuaded to meet public demand by delivering some more knock knock gems! Knock Knock Whos there? Sampson Delilah to meet you. Knock Knock Whos there? Adam Eve is in...

submitted by j.w., 06 January 2015

Just Stuff Him and Keep this Party Going!

Jupp Jupson had a wake and a flock of his friends from the Tally Ho Bar dropped by the funeral home. According to Jupps wishes in his living will, he had a wake with a couple of kegs of beer and a barrooms...

submitted by Samuel Vargo, 04 January 2015
Showing page 5 (of 582 pages)

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