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Showing jokes submitted by j.w..


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A Last Wish

A plane got into trouble and was clearly going to crash. A young woman decided she wanted a last wish and quickly removed all her clothes....

submitted by j.w., 04 May 2013

Olympic Condoms

I discovered a really good set of condoms for sale called Olympic Condoms. They were in three colours - naturally Gold, Silver and Bronze...

submitted by j.w., 04 May 2013

Too Good To Be True

I met this bloke who had recently been to London....

submitted by j.w., 04 May 2013

Boss

My Boss asked everyone into his office. There was a big poster behind him exclaiming...

submitted by j.w., 24 April 2013

Pyjamas

A husband rang his wife to tell he had been invited by his boss to go with him on a fishing trip. This would be helpful in putting him in line for promotion....

submitted by j.w., 22 April 2013

Bird Brains

Two young blokes who are out the impress their girl friends go into a pet shop and ask if they can buy two budgies....

submitted by j.w., 21 April 2013

Paying the Bill

A seedy American politician was arguing with his irate wife about the forthcoming Abortion Bill, when he had to decide how to vote....

submitted by j.w., 21 April 2013

Greeting the Famous

My wife has been teaching our daughter the etiquette of greeting famous people....

submitted by j.w., 21 April 2013

Blind Date Tragedy

I went on this blind date with a girl who slowly began to bore me to death with her tales of her unhappy childhood and the terrible job she was doing....

submitted by j.w., 01 April 2013

Converts Amazing Discovery

As a long term cynical Atheist I suddenly got a message from the other world telling me that I must become a true Believer or I would be damned for ever....

submitted by j.w., 01 April 2013

Peanuts

I was on this coach with a group of fellow senior citizens sitting near the front chatting to the driver who, like me, was a West Ham fan....

submitted by j.w., 01 April 2013

The Atheist's God

If truth be told many an Atheist will call on God when faced with a deadly peril. This happened to me when when I was in Africa. I went for a walk in the bush and came across this angry lion....

submitted by j.w., 30 March 2013

Not Quite Dead

I went to this funeral of my friends wife and the pall bearers had obviously had a bit too much to drink and when carrying the coffin into the mortuary knocked against the wall. There was a loud moan...

submitted by j.w., 30 March 2013

Amazing Scientific Advances

I was suffering from a bad back so I asked a friend in the pub if he knew how to cure it. Theres this new invention he said you give a sample of urine and it can tell you how to deal with a problem. I...

submitted by j.w., 30 March 2013

Helpful Advice

A flying saucer was circling over London but the pilot had lost all communication due to an electrical failure and didnt know where he was exactly. So he took a sheet of paper and wrote Where Am I? in...

submitted by j.w., 30 March 2013

How Old Can You Get?

I was on holiday with my wife, visiting old haunts of my youth. I wanted something to read and went into a charity shop to see what I could find. I thought I recognised the old lady serving at the counter...

submitted by j.w., 26 January 2013

Password Problems

My wife, always happy to help me out, has altered our password on our computer to something I will never forget. Our wedding anniversary. She knows I can never remember it. But I have helped her out in my own...

submitted by j.w., 17 January 2013

A Disastrous Christmas

Everything has gone wrong this Christmas. I gave Mrs Nicols, a woman who has everything a bullet. This was an idea of my husbands. She put it in her gun and shot her husband! Then my husband said he had got...

submitted by j.w., 30 December 2012

Consequences

An old man facing an operation wanted his son, a renowned Doctor, to carry out the procedure. On the operating table the father said to the son: I hope you will do your best son. But be comforted by knowing that...

submitted by j.w., 27 December 2012

Getting to the Heart of it

A surgeon brought his car into a garage for repair. The mechanic complained that he mended cars, went to the heart of the problem and carried out all the repairs required. I do the same as you, Doc, but I get paid...

submitted by j.w., 27 December 2012

Crackers for Drinkers

What drink always goes down at an angle? Lobcyder What drink is suitable for a sick person? Pale ail What drink is all over the place? A rye whisky What drink do you give to someone who never stops complaining?...

submitted by j.w., 23 December 2012

Ready for Christmas

For a celebration I tried cooking a special meal with wine for my wife tonight. But after five glasses I forgot why I was in the kitchen. This was after I had given my bottle of wine mouth to mouth because it didnt seem...

submitted by j.w., 21 December 2012

Old Chestnuts

My wifes gone to the Carribean for a holiday. Did you make her? No, she said shes sick and tired of going to Jamaica. My wifes gone to the country for her favourite: nut picking Why is that? She told me she had had...

submitted by j.w., 27 November 2012

Food for Thought

Ive become very attatched to tie food Im bound to say, I agreee If i may join you, Im equal to it as well We are a tight little bunch of tie pals! Better than cutting up little girls, like the Chinese. Yes, with their...

submitted by j.w., 27 November 2012
Showing page 3 (of 9 pages)


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