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Showing jokes submitted by j.w..


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Showing page 3 (of 9 pages)

Paying the Bill

A seedy American politician was arguing with his irate wife about the forthcoming Abortion Bill, when he had to decide how to vote....

submitted by j.w., 21 April 2013

Greeting the Famous

My wife has been teaching our daughter the etiquette of greeting famous people....

submitted by j.w., 21 April 2013

Blind Date Tragedy

I went on this blind date with a girl who slowly began to bore me to death with her tales of her unhappy childhood and the terrible job she was doing....

submitted by j.w., 01 April 2013

Converts Amazing Discovery

As a long term cynical Atheist I suddenly got a message from the other world telling me that I must become a true Believer or I would be damned for ever....

submitted by j.w., 01 April 2013

Peanuts

I was on this coach with a group of fellow senior citizens sitting near the front chatting to the driver who, like me, was a West Ham fan....

submitted by j.w., 01 April 2013

The Atheist's God

If truth be told many an Atheist will call on God when faced with a deadly peril. This happened to me when when I was in Africa. I went for a walk in the bush and came across this angry lion....

submitted by j.w., 30 March 2013

Not Quite Dead

I went to this funeral of my friends wife and the pall bearers had obviously had a bit too much to drink and when carrying the coffin into the mortuary knocked against the wall. There was a loud moan...

submitted by j.w., 30 March 2013

Amazing Scientific Advances

I was suffering from a bad back so I asked a friend in the pub if he knew how to cure it. Theres this new invention he said you give a sample of urine and it can tell you how to deal with a problem. I...

submitted by j.w., 30 March 2013

Helpful Advice

A flying saucer was circling over London but the pilot had lost all communication due to an electrical failure and didnt know where he was exactly. So he took a sheet of paper and wrote Where Am I? in...

submitted by j.w., 30 March 2013

How Old Can You Get?

I was on holiday with my wife, visiting old haunts of my youth. I wanted something to read and went into a charity shop to see what I could find. I thought I recognised the old lady serving at the counter...

submitted by j.w., 26 January 2013

Password Problems

My wife, always happy to help me out, has altered our password on our computer to something I will never forget. Our wedding anniversary. She knows I can never remember it. But I have helped her out in my own...

submitted by j.w., 17 January 2013

A Disastrous Christmas

Everything has gone wrong this Christmas. I gave Mrs Nicols, a woman who has everything a bullet. This was an idea of my husbands. She put it in her gun and shot her husband! Then my husband said he had got...

submitted by j.w., 30 December 2012

Consequences

An old man facing an operation wanted his son, a renowned Doctor, to carry out the procedure. On the operating table the father said to the son: I hope you will do your best son. But be comforted by knowing that...

submitted by j.w., 27 December 2012

Getting to the Heart of it

A surgeon brought his car into a garage for repair. The mechanic complained that he mended cars, went to the heart of the problem and carried out all the repairs required. I do the same as you, Doc, but I get paid...

submitted by j.w., 27 December 2012

Crackers for Drinkers

What drink always goes down at an angle? Lobcyder What drink is suitable for a sick person? Pale ail What drink is all over the place? A rye whisky What drink do you give to someone who never stops complaining?...

submitted by j.w., 23 December 2012

Ready for Christmas

For a celebration I tried cooking a special meal with wine for my wife tonight. But after five glasses I forgot why I was in the kitchen. This was after I had given my bottle of wine mouth to mouth because it didnt seem...

submitted by j.w., 21 December 2012

Old Chestnuts

My wifes gone to the Carribean for a holiday. Did you make her? No, she said shes sick and tired of going to Jamaica. My wifes gone to the country for her favourite: nut picking Why is that? She told me she had had...

submitted by j.w., 27 November 2012

Food for Thought

Ive become very attatched to tie food Im bound to say, I agreee If i may join you, Im equal to it as well We are a tight little bunch of tie pals! Better than cutting up little girls, like the Chinese. Yes, with their...

submitted by j.w., 27 November 2012

Broom Broom

Two brooms who had been in the same cupboard for a time decided to get married. She was the bride groom and he was the groom groom. Some time later she said she wanted a little broom but was told this was impossible. I dont...

submitted by j.w., 27 October 2012

Farm Visit

I took my grandchildren to my cousins farm in the West Country. They asked me: Whats that animal with a sore throat? A hoarse of course! Where do the sheep go to have their coats cut? The baa baas! Why did that chicken cross...

submitted by j.w., 03 October 2012

Sorry

Sorry - The Terrible Truth Revealed: An instructive guide for sorrowful cynics I am sorry (for myself) I am sorry (I got found out) Sorry (figure of fun) Sorry (state Im in) Sorry (I havent fooled all the people all the time)...

submitted by j.w., 01 October 2012

Over the top

I got run over reading between the lines. I was run over by a maiden I had a maiden over a score of times I had a cross over my grave I was a push over the cliff I had to move over the edge I was a push over the cliff I had a...

submitted by j.w., 15 September 2012

Harry's Bum

In Afghanistan Harrys bum has become a must see experience for the American troops located there. Show us your Ass! they cry. Oh its my Aunt Anne who has the Ass explains the Prince. Go up in your helicopter Harry and dangle your ass/bum...

submitted by j.w., 12 September 2012

Comfortable

A farmer in the 1950s set out for market telling his wife he would get in contact if he needed any help. At the market, after a good look around, he found just what he wanted, a prize Bull. The Bull cost him a £1000 and he realised he would...

submitted by j.w., 03 August 2012
Showing page 3 (of 9 pages)


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