Showing page 3 (of 584 pages)

Support Groups

Kleptomaniacs Anonymous was canceled last week because someone stole the agenda....

submitted by Purple Girl, 10 June 2017

Excerpt From John Fitzgerald Trump's America First Speech:

And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do to further enrich me--ask what you can do to further enrich me and the billionaires who make up my cabinet....

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 27 May 2017

Pre-existing Condition

Im beginning to think, for a little under half of the voting population, that stupidity may be a pre-existing condition which, unfortunately, isnt covered by Trump Care or most health insurance policies,...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 09 May 2017

New Quorn product

The manufacturers of Quorn are launching a new meat substitute product which they claim is indistinguishable from rump steak. I cant believe its not...

submitted by Aaron David, 09 May 2017

For the Gorification of Christ

Its Easter and again, there is heightened security all over the world as the three Abrahamic religions threaten to maim and kill each other. I wonder...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 16 April 2017

President Trump Jokes

The difference between Donald Trump and God is that God doesnt think hes Donald Trump. Why did the Donald cross the road? Because Bannon and Ivanka advised...

submitted by Al N., 13 April 2017

Every woman's dream

A lonely middle-aged woman, not a bad looker, but a girl lacking in personality and charisma, couldnt find a guy around her town so she went to market on the Internet and displayed the following advertisement...

submitted by Samuel Vargo, 09 April 2017

Obama looking out for the gals

There was a little know clause in Obamacare that stated that all women with cup sizes over 40C MUST get breast reduction surgery. This would substantially reduce the cost of elastic being imported from...

submitted by Alan Valentine, 05 April 2017

Manifesting Wealth (for middle and upper-middle class white women)

So nice of the Universe to dispense favors to middle- and upper-middle class white women who have read Rhonda Byrnes The Secret. Oh, if only the Universe would act as a Cosmic ATM Machine for the developing...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 03 April 2017

Shortest love story

When he saw the girl it was a love-at-first-sight. His heart was throbbing just like Michael Jackson is dancing in it. The boy was tempted to talk to him but I think he had not brushed his mouth. His mouth...

submitted by Atta Ul Munim Zahid, 30 March 2017

A dialogue heard between Betsy Devos and Paul Ryan -

During lunch in an upscale restaurant near the White House, Betsy Devos and Paul Ryan sat in saturnine melancholy. Things werent going well for the new Presidential administration. Nor the Congress. They...

submitted by Samuel Vargo, 11 March 2017

Betsy Devos changes the shape of the world

Betsy Devos, the new Secretary of Education, called a meeting of all media to the White House yesterday. The American media was filled with joy and gratitude since the Gropenfuher more or less banned...

submitted by Samuel Vargo, 11 March 2017

Finding Jesus

Im watching Finding Jesus on CNN for the umpteenth time (where the Jesus looks whiter than a Georgia country club). CNN shows this schmaltz every year to prime credulous Christians for the gory spectacle...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 27 February 2017

What do you call a black man on a treadmill?

A hard-working gentleman who probably has a very steady job that enabled him to purchase his treadmill in the first place. Furthermore, you could call him healthy, as he apparently likes to exercise, conscious...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 19 February 2017

Winter is Coming

Today Punxsutawney Phil woke up after a long hibernation, hungrily scarfed down a very large breakfast, and then turned on cable news, at which point he discovered that Donald Trump had been elected President...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 02 February 2017

A police officer pulls over a speeder

Sir, do you know why I stopped you? No, Officer. Why? The radar clocked you doing a hundred and thirty miles an hour. Im sorry, Officer, but I believe that to be an alternate fact. My speedometer clearly showed...

submitted by SpyDude, 26 January 2017

Trump World

I love the fact that the gym where I work out now has two scales, one digital and the other analog. Now after Im through with my workout, I can get a second opinion (or alternative fact, by which Im a trim, muscled...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 26 January 2017

Donald Trump in the Bedroom

Trump always insisted that he and Melania have sex doggy-style, in the dark. One time, when they were just getting into it, a maid comes into the room and puts the light on. Melania, startled, looks back to see Trumps...

submitted by Al N., 22 January 2017

Donald Trump is a Joke

What will be Trumps 2020 campaign song? We Shall Overcomb. What is the difference between President Reagan and Trump? If Trump gets Alzheimers Disease, his IQ can only go up. What is the difference between Cancer and...

submitted by Al N., 17 January 2017

Blonde Bank Robbers

Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffie, in great detail. The robbery begins. Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops...

submitted by Dr Farquar, 07 January 2017

A Bit of Northern Soul

A Father and his son go to the pub for a manly chat. Son: Dad I really would like to marry Sally from the supermarket. Shes lovely in gingham. Dad: Well son. When I was your age I had a bike. I got around a bit in this village....

submitted by Dr Farquar, 04 January 2017

2 Too Many

Little Johnny was in Math class and it was his turn to answer a math problem. If I gave you 3 dogs on Monday, 1 dog on Wednesday, and 2 dogs on Saturday, how many dogs would you have? asked Johnnys teacher. Seven! shouted Johnny....

submitted by Al N., 26 December 2016

Trump Treatises

Why does Trump know the geography of tropical islands so well? Because hes got hidden bank accounts on most of them. Liberals play the Race Card. What do Conservatives play? The Trump Card. Why have so many state legalized marijuana?...

submitted by Al N., 25 December 2016


This Seasons Big Seller: A selfie stick called the Narcis-stick. Comes with Snapchat, or whatever the hell the newest app is that allows us to validate our existence by sharing every brief and banal...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 21 December 2016
Showing page 3 (of 584 pages)

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