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Finding Jesus

Im watching Finding Jesus on CNN for the umpteenth time (where the Jesus looks whiter than a Georgia country club). CNN shows this schmaltz every year to prime credulous Christians for the gory spectacle...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 27 February 2017

What do you call a black man on a treadmill?

A hard-working gentleman who probably has a very steady job that enabled him to purchase his treadmill in the first place. Furthermore, you could call him healthy, as he apparently likes to exercise, conscious...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 19 February 2017

Winter is Coming

Today Punxsutawney Phil woke up after a long hibernation, hungrily scarfed down a very large breakfast, and then turned on cable news, at which point he discovered that Donald Trump had been elected President...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 02 February 2017

A police officer pulls over a speeder

Sir, do you know why I stopped you? No, Officer. Why? The radar clocked you doing a hundred and thirty miles an hour. Im sorry, Officer, but I believe that to be an alternate fact. My speedometer clearly showed...

submitted by SpyDude, 26 January 2017

Trump World

I love the fact that the gym where I work out now has two scales, one digital and the other analog. Now after Im through with my workout, I can get a second opinion (or alternative fact, by which Im a trim, muscled...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 26 January 2017

Donald Trump in the Bedroom

Trump always insisted that he and Melania have sex doggy-style, in the dark. One time, when they were just getting into it, a maid comes into the room and puts the light on. Melania, startled, looks back to see Trumps...

submitted by Al N., 22 January 2017

Donald Trump is a Joke

What will be Trumps 2020 campaign song? We Shall Overcomb. What is the difference between President Reagan and Trump? If Trump gets Alzheimers Disease, his IQ can only go up. What is the difference between Cancer and...

submitted by Al N., 17 January 2017

Blonde Bank Robbers

Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffie, in great detail. The robbery begins. Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops...

submitted by Dr Farquar, 07 January 2017

A Bit of Northern Soul

A Father and his son go to the pub for a manly chat. Son: Dad I really would like to marry Sally from the supermarket. Shes lovely in gingham. Dad: Well son. When I was your age I had a bike. I got around a bit in this village....

submitted by Dr Farquar, 04 January 2017

2 Too Many

Little Johnny was in Math class and it was his turn to answer a math problem. If I gave you 3 dogs on Monday, 1 dog on Wednesday, and 2 dogs on Saturday, how many dogs would you have? asked Johnnys teacher. Seven! shouted Johnny....

submitted by Al N., 26 December 2016

Trump Treatises

Why does Trump know the geography of tropical islands so well? Because hes got hidden bank accounts on most of them. Liberals play the Race Card. What do Conservatives play? The Trump Card. Why have so many state legalized marijuana?...

submitted by Al N., 25 December 2016

Narcis-stick

This Seasons Big Seller: A selfie stick called the Narcis-stick. Comes with Snapchat, or whatever the hell the newest app is that allows us to validate our existence by sharing every brief and banal...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 21 December 2016

Funny Jokes for Adults

Sign on a brothel: Were closed! Beat it! Why did they arrest the guitar teacher? He was caught fingering a minor. Why is Santas sack so big? He only comes once a year! Why does Dr. Pepper come in a...

submitted by Al N., 20 December 2016

Two Men Meet In a Bar

Two men meet in a bar and the following conversation takes place. 1st: Hello. Dont I know you? 2nd I dont think so. Who are you? 1st: Well, I cant see you for who you are and I am not sure if I am seeing...

submitted by Auntie Matter, 19 December 2016

All I Want for Christmas Is a Pocket Catheter

After spending way too much time, over the last six months, watching the various cable news outlets in the morning, I have been programmed to want the following for Christmas: A self-lubricating pocket catheter...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 12 December 2016

Stevie Wonder Golf

Golfing great Jack Nicklaus was at an event sitting next to Stevie Wonder. Naturally, the subject turned to golf and Stevie said, Ive really lowered my handicap since I switched to aluminum shaft clubs....

submitted by Al N., 02 December 2016

Obama, Bubba and George Dubya Drive Through the Desert

Obamas car, or whip as he calls it in the hood vernacular, is quite fast. Thats why when he, Bubba Clinton and George Dubya Bush heard that Donald trump was actually going to build that wall he had been...

submitted by Chris Dahl, 08 November 2016

Four Midgets and The Guinness Book of World Records.

I was tending bar at the race track one day when a group of four midgets came in. They were drunk, rowdy and holding envelopes in their hands. As they struggled to climb the Mount Everest that was their...

submitted by Chris Dahl, 08 November 2016

The Secret Rooms of Trump Tower

This is your favorite anonymous investigative reporter coming at you with a big scoop! We managed to bribe a servant at Trumps New York penthouse to give us the tour of his secret rooms. The first thing we...

submitted by Al N., 27 October 2016

Donald Trump Jokes

Donald Trump is already helping unemployment-by hiring people to cheer for him at rallies! What would you call a movie about Enrons Kenneth Lay, Bernie Madoff, and Donald Trump? The League of Extraordinary...

submitted by Al N., 28 September 2016

Trump Jockey

Donald Trump, for his highly scripted interview with Bishop Wayne T. Jackson at Great Faith Ministries International, will appear attired in a traditional jockey outfit sporting a red vest and a red ball...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 02 September 2016

FOX News, Fairly Unbalanced

At the gym I work out at, where the clientele (like me) are mostly middle-aged or older, FOX News is inevitably on in the changing room. If I were a Martian working out at this gym and only seeing the...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 28 August 2016

How many Trumpites does it take to change a light bulb

Thousands. 100s to spearhead the spin campaign that the light bulb doesnt exist; Then 100s of Trumpites to begin the wedging marginalization campaign to point out that some light bulbs are owned by...

submitted by Jung in the Jungle, 06 August 2016

"Make America Great Again"

From the conservative dark / Into the ethical life / The dense commuters come. September 1, 1939, W. H. Auden Lets Make America Great Again The orange-haired demagogue proclaims. But Make America Hate...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 18 July 2016
Showing page 3 (of 583 pages)

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