Jokes
Showing jokes submitted by dulcie gabbani.
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Irish priest
A man enters the confessional and says to the Irish priest Father, its been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month....
Charles, Camilla and the Hooker.
Prince Charles decided to take up walking. At the same street corner he passed a hooker standing there every day....
The history of copper wire...
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more...
The Rules Of Bedroom Golf
1. Each player should furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls. 2. Play on the course should be approved by the owner of the hole. 3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to...
Some Limericks..
The breasts of a barmaid of Sale, Were tattooed with the price of brown ale. And on her behind, For the sake of the blind, Was the same information in Braille A horny young lady named Lil Shagged a dynamite...
Janet and John go to the Horticultural show.
Today, Janet and John are going to the horticultural show. Horticultural is a big word isnt it? Do you know what it means? Horticulture is all about growing things. John knows how to grow things. Clever John....
John learns how to be a journalist.
John is not a Journalist. John reads the news. Journalists make it up. John is on a conversion course. Do you know what a conversion course is? A conversion course is something you do when you want to be taken...
Janet and John go to a dog show
Today, Janet and John are going to a dog show. Do you like dogs? Janet and John do. The dog show is at the Church Hall. Janet says, Hurry up John, or well be late! See John struggle to get into his tight leather...
Janet & John go to a firework display.
This evening, Janet and John are going to a firework display. Do you like fireworks? John does. John is so excited that he nearly forgets to take the heated rollers out of his beard. See John skip down the road...
The Farmers Pig Problem..
A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham,and bacon. After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant and calls a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial...
Vodka V Tequila
A girl walks into a bar and asks for a shot of Vodka. The bartender gives it to her, she drinks it, and passes out. The bartender tries to wake her but cant. When he sees that no one else is in the bar...
Howard, Mildred and Ethel
Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizens home. Every night after dinner, Howard goes to a secluded garden behind the home to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age...
WARNING A lot of swearing in this one. You were warned.
This bloke with Tourettes Syndrome walks into the most exclusive restaurant in town. Wheres the mother fucking manager, you cock sucking arse wipe? he inquires of one of the waiters. The waiter is taken-aback...
Do I smell scones ?...
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted...
The psychology student..
A guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, Would you mind if I chatted with you for...
His last day at work..
It was George the postmans last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted...
You look familiar...
A bloke is in a queue at the Supermarket when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving...
Yanks in Wales
Two American tourists were driving through Wales. At Llanhyfryddawelllehynafolyb, they stopped for lunch and one of them asked the waitress, Before we order honey, could you...
Great unanswered questions…
Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed? If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? Why cant...
Quickies
Liverpool. The only city in the world where JD Sports has an evening-wear department. I won the Lottery last night. I havent told the wife yet, cos I cant use my phone on the plane....
Letters to the Editor…
Dear Sir… What a load of rubbish these modern so-called comedy programmes are these days. They are usually full of swearing and filth and are just not funny. What ever happened to proper...
Product Registration
The following article was maliciously posted by an employee on the website of the McDonald Douglas Corporation. Apparently it remained on the site for almost five weeks before someone pointed...
Extracts from letters sent to councils and housing associations throughout the UK
1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off . 2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back...
Terrorist attack...
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the M25 outside London, Nothing is moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the car window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, Whats going on? Terrorists...
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