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Showing jokes submitted by Exislanda.


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Golf panties

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were all playing golf with their wives....

submitted by Exislanda, 17 February 2012

Sex Insurance

Make sure you get the Correct Insurance for the sex you are having....

submitted by Exislanda, 14 February 2012

The Bust

A few years ago, Joseph was finally given an exit permit by the Russians and allowed to emigrate to Israel to join his family....

submitted by Exislanda, 14 February 2012

Do you like?

Goldie was sitting on a beach in Florida, attempting to strike up a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside hers....

submitted by Exislanda, 12 February 2012

The Rude Parrot

Recently I received a parrot as a gift....

submitted by Exislanda, 12 February 2012

Equality?

Visiting Afghanistan for a second time, a war correspondent noted that since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front. The journalist...

submitted by Exislanda, 12 February 2012

He Saw

There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw, but was too lazy to go down and get it himself, so he tried to call his fellow worker on the ground...

submitted by Exislanda, 11 February 2012

Out of a Coma.

A woman was in a deep coma and had been for months. One day the nurses were in her room and giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on...

submitted by Exislanda, 10 February 2012

Missing.

A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them hes 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next...

submitted by Exislanda, 10 February 2012

Freezing.

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, Honey, my hands are freezing! She says, Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm them up. After lunch he goes back out...

submitted by Exislanda, 10 February 2012

Chokes!

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small southern town out in the country. She orders the fried chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she chokes on a chicken bone. Well, these two good-ol country boys in the next booth notice she is choking, and they get up and go over to help her. The...

submitted by Exislanda, 10 February 2012

Fly me

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot...

submitted by Exislanda, 09 February 2012

Magic Apples

A young man waiting for the bus ran into an old man who was carrying a rather heavy bag. Bored and curious, he chatted w/ him a bit then asked casually, Whats in the bag? Magic apples! the old fellow replied. Prove it! said the young man. Well, besides apples, what are your favorite two fruits?...

submitted by Exislanda, 08 February 2012

RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN

A rich, lonely widow decided that she needed a man in her life so she placed an ad, which read something like this: RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE ...NEEDS TO HAVE THESE QUALIFICATIONS: 1) WONT BEAT ME UP 2) WONT RUN AWAY 3) HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED For several months, her...

submitted by Exislanda, 08 February 2012

DUI

A Virginia State trooper pulled a car over on I-64 about 2 miles south of the Virginia/West Virginia State line. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a magician and juggler and was on his way to Beckley, WV, to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didnt want to...

submitted by Exislanda, 07 February 2012

Bank on it!

Some Irish criminals decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning, they agree on the best plan. The next day, they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy. Once inside the...

submitted by Exislanda, 07 February 2012

NY, NY

A man is out walking in New York City when he sees a little girl being chased by a fierce dog. He fights off the dog by hitting the dogs head with a stick and saves the girls life. The girls mother rushes...

submitted by Exislanda, 07 February 2012

3 blonds

Three blondes are stuck on a Turks and Caicos island, and one finds a magic lamp. They rub it, a genie pops out, and gives them each a wish. The first blonde says, I wish I were 10% smarter so I could get...

submitted by Exislanda, 06 February 2012

Some shorts

As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words The and IRS together, it spells THEIRS? Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? Why do they put pictures of criminals...

submitted by Exislanda, 06 February 2012

Carry in for Cleo

You slave, come here quick, said Queen Cleopatra, Quickly fill my bath with asss milk, Ceasar is coming to see me and I want to surprise him. How full would you like me to fill it, your Majesty? replied the...

submitted by Exislanda, 02 February 2012

Global Facts

At Any Moment: 79,000,000 people are engaged in intercourse. 58,000,000 are kissing. 37,000,000 are relaxing after sex. 1 lonely bugger is reading The Spoof. You hang on in there sunshine!...

submitted by Exislanda, 08 January 2009
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