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Showing jokes submitted by whatinthe world.


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Man and his frock

A suspicious man walked into a womens dress shop and tried on a frock designed by Victorias Secret. Ill take this one he declared to the salesperson....

submitted by whatinthe world, 08 February 2012

Porch

Unemployed man is canvassing his local area looking for odd jobs to do. He asks a local resident if they have any work they want done around the home. Dont know replies the resident though you might want to paint my porch. Youll find...

submitted by whatinthe world, 31 January 2012

School joke

Teacher: Okay children, I want someone to use the word urinate in a sentence for me. Sally, you can go first. Sally: Mum asked me to go to the toilet before we went swimming so I wouldnt urinate in the pool. Teacher: Good, Sally. Okay,...

submitted by whatinthe world, 05 January 2012

Dentist joke

A dentist walks into a bar and asks for a double brandy. We only serve orthodentists says the barman we dont need jerks like you in here. The dentist looks the barman...

submitted by whatinthe world, 05 January 2012

Horse joke

Horse walks into a bar. The barman looks at him and says gee, its great to see your face. How long is it since you been here? Horse replies not since I won the Kentucky Derby. Well...

submitted by whatinthe world, 05 December 2011

VP and the ghost

US Vice President, Joe Biden, is riding a horse through the woods near Washington DC when a ghost confronts him. Are you the Vice President of America? the ghost asks. Yeah, thats me Biden replies. You...

submitted by whatinthe world, 20 October 2011

Lion, giraffe and zebra

A lion, giraffe and zebra are on holidays together when the lion suggests to the other two that they pose for his camera. My neck is too long. I wont fit in the photo says...

submitted by whatinthe world, 14 October 2011

The loan

Bank Manager: Mr Simpleton, I cant approve this loan. You are chronically unemployed, you have seven pounds in your account and your wife has left you. Have you tried contacting...

submitted by whatinthe world, 30 September 2011

Climbing Everest

An Italian, German and Irishman are preparing to climb Mt Everest when the local press interview them about what their prospects are of ascending the massive mountain. I live close to the Alps, so I...

submitted by whatinthe world, 29 September 2011

Hitchhikers

Two hitchhikers are thumbing a ride on an isolated highway when a sleek sports car being driven by platinum blonde woman pulls over. Hey you guys wanna lift? she shouts. No thanks says one of the...

submitted by whatinthe world, 21 September 2011

Unlucky mail man

A postman is delivering mail when an out of control truck runs off the road and narrowly misses the postie. The truck driver emerges shaken and goes over to apologise to the mail man. Gee, I couldve killed you he says shaking the posties hand....

submitted by whatinthe world, 20 September 2011

Barely legal

Once upon a time there were three bears who stumbled upon a quaint country cottage. Wandering inside, they found that the occupants were not home but had left their dinner uneaten on the supper table. The bears sat down and helped themselves to a feast fit for a king. Immediately, after that the bears ate some honey that was lying around in...

submitted by whatinthe world, 20 September 2011

Dioctor's advice

Doctor: Now Mr Brown, youll have to give up smoking as your heart beat is very irregular. Patient: But I feel fine, Doctor, why the drastic action? Doctor: Well Mr Brown, the monitor gives me an accurate picture of your hearts exact health. Patient: Could this be terminal? Doctor: That can be arranged. Nurse, hand me the cyanide pills....

submitted by whatinthe world, 18 September 2011

Astronauts

Two astronauts are space walking outside the International Space Station when one bumps into some space junk. Hey, look what I found the first astronaut cries. What...

submitted by whatinthe world, 18 September 2011

Doctor and patient

Patient: Doctor, doctor, Ive got spots all over my body and Ive got a fever as well. Am I going to die? Doctor: Mrs Jones, youre alright. You just need a tablet and...

submitted by whatinthe world, 13 September 2011

UFO police

A man is driving his car on the main highway when a UFO lands directly in front of him. The alien emerges from the craft and walks toward the mans car. Youve been clocked at excessive speed says the alien to the driver. Im going to have to apprehend you the alien adds. Shocked, the...

submitted by whatinthe world, 13 September 2011

Joke #1

So theres this old fella, right, and hes lookin for a wife cos his old cheese has just left him, right. So walks into a shop, right, and sees what he thinks is the most lovely thing hes ever seen, right. So he walks over and puts his arm around it, right. You come...

submitted by whatinthe world, 11 February 2011

Cannibals

An African explorer is captured by cannibals who promptly plan to consume his edible parts. As a departing gesture, they give him the opportunity to say some final words. Yeah says the heroic explorer when youre finished, dont forget to stew the leftovers with...

submitted by whatinthe world, 23 January 2011

Superman

Superman is called to an incident where a man is trapped in an extensive building fire. Rescue authorities tell Superman that they cant do a thing to help and that his superpowers are the only thing that can save him. Heck cries Superman its my day off and Ive...

submitted by whatinthe world, 23 January 2011

Where's the fire?

A Fire Chief is addressing his staff. We have the best record of any fire fighting unit in the country. No property lost in twelve months proclaims the Chief. Except a young fire officer comments. Except what? asks the Chief. Except one. Your car is on fire announces...

submitted by whatinthe world, 23 January 2011

Car crash

Lorry driver crashes his vehicle into a bright red sports sedan. When he rushes out to see if other person is alright, he gets a big surprise when the Bee Gees hop out of the smashed car. You guys okay? the lorry driver enquires. Yeah declare the brothers Gibb were...

submitted by whatinthe world, 21 January 2011

Thatcher

So Lenin and Marx are having a pint at the local when in walks Margaret Thatcher. Didnt think you mixed with radicals and lefties says Lenin to the former Prime Minister, why you here? Margaret delves...

submitted by whatinthe world, 16 January 2011

Two men

Two men are walking along a road when a large rock drops on one of them, causing massive injuries. Henry, you alright? asks the other man. No, Ive just lost an arm, dammit! the injured person replies....

submitted by whatinthe world, 14 November 2010

Death

Doctor examines his patient. Says patient I dont want to die, Doc! Dont be silly, we all have to die some time replies Doctor now sit still while I give you this lethal injection....

submitted by whatinthe world, 14 November 2010
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