Jokes
Showing jokes submitted by IN SEINE.
Show all jokes.
The Patient's Misunderstanding
An elderly gentleman was reading his recovery room record at the hospital where I work. He looked quite concerned at one notation. I know I was in a bit of a muddle, but I didnt realize I was that bad,...
The Battle of the Bulge
Having fought the battle of the bulge most of my life, I found the battle getting even harder as I approached middle age. One evening, after trying on slacks that were too tight, I said to my husband,...
The Bachelor
One day a bachelor, who was a poor tipper, walked into his favorite restaurant and ordered lunch. A new waitress served his meal and received a three cent tip. When he came in the next day, she thanked...
The Atheist and the Genie
An atheist buys an ancient lamp at an auction, takes it home, and begins to polish it. Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, Ill grant you three wishes, Master. The atheist says, I wish I could believe in...
"Thieving Money."
As a pastor, I occasionally have members leave notes or offerings on my desk for various reasons. A 12-year-old member of our church recently left a five-dollar bill on my desk with a note. It read, I...
The Shopping and choke Bag
It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large order. As the harried looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending the contents crashing...
The Wife's Pension
A man called the government office where I work and requested an estimate of his benefits upon retirement. After I gave him the information, he went one to inquire about his wifes benefits. I asked if...
Palestinian Knickers
An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile. A representative from Israel began: Before beginning my talk I want to...
Hanks Fiance
Hank finally found the courage to tell his fiancé that he had to break off their engagement so that he could marry another woman. Can she cook like I can? the distraught woman asked. Not even on her...
My Friend from Texas
An acquaintance of mine whose daughter was about to be married decided to give her a diamond ring that had been in the family for several generations. The stone had never been appraised, so the father...
The Isle of Men
The Isle of Men, a little island in the Pacific, was visited by a college group. Their Professor was greeted by Dr. Tom, head of the team conducting a population theory study on the men of the island....
The Poor Art Student
An art school student was in an art supply store to buy an easel. I need an easel, he said to a floor person. What do you have? We have two right here, the floor person said as he showed the student...
"You've Got to Be Joking?"
A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the counter and said Hi, Im looking for a job. The man behind the counter replied Your timing is amazing. Weve just got one in from a...
Instant Child Behaviour
About 90 fifth-graders piled into the airliner I was flying, on their way home from a school trip. Once we were in the air, and the crew began serving drinks, I could hear them pleading with the children...
The Wife's Photo
This guy is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. There are two sheriffs deputies there and he asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married, and if so,...
The Prescription
Did you hear about the doctor who wrote out a prescription in the usual doctors fashion? The patient used it for two years as a railroad pass. Twice it got him into Radio City Music Hall, and once into Yankee...
In a Manor of Speaking
The Society for Creative Anachronism, or SCA, is an educational organization for the study and re-creation of life in the Middle Ages. Members are encouraged to develop a persona, dress the part, and...
The Conductor
A conductor approaches a family of four on a train. Ticket please! he says. The man answers, I lost mine! His wife says, I left mine in my other purse! The kids, in unison, chime in with The dog ate...
Memo from the Pastoral Search Committee
In our search for a suitable pastor, the following scratch sheet was developed for your perusal. Of the candidates investigated by the committee, only one was found to have the necessary qualities. The...
The Dead Wife
An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awaken from a good nights sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, Dont touch me. Why not, he asks. She answers back, Because Im dead....
The Wonderdog
A man goes into a movie theater with his dog to watch a film. Its a romantic comedy and when theres a funny seen the dog starts laughing. A little later on theres a sad part and suddenly the dog starts crying....
An Abduction
I was just walking down the street one day when I was clubbed over the head, shoved into a VW Microbus by several illegal Mexicans, and finally dumped in the streets in Tijuana. When I finally made...
Send To A Friend
Send this site to a friend!