Showing jokes submitted by j.w..

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Showing page 2 (of 9 pages)

Eating Out in Style

Thanks Grand Dad for taking me out to this swish French restaurant....

submitted by j.w., 20 December 2013

England FC

England are the joke. Friendly to the point of giving away any semblance of competence....

submitted by j.w., 16 November 2013


Pole Vault - Came in without a visa...

submitted by j.w., 15 November 2013

Dental Care

This sexually active girl felt attracted to the bloke who walked into the club and suggested after a couple of drinks that they should go back to her place for a one night stand....

submitted by j.w., 22 October 2013


Life begins when a sperm impregnates an ovum...

submitted by j.w., 18 September 2013


The True Meaning of Paradox...

submitted by j.w., 18 September 2013


Miss Ann Thrope - a real misery....

submitted by j.w., 16 September 2013


A drunkard wandered into a Catholic Church and sat down in a comfortable seat in a convenient booth....

submitted by j.w., 15 September 2013

There's A Fly In My Soup!

Waiter - theres a fly in my soup!...

submitted by j.w., 24 August 2013

Within Hearing

An elderly husband became concerned about the hearing of his wife. He asked his Doctor what to do about it....

submitted by j.w., 15 August 2013

Fancy Dress Balls Up

A couple had decided to go to a fancy dress ball and hired costumes to go. But on the evening of the Ball the wife got a bad migraine and took tablets and went to bed, telling her husband to go and enjoy...

submitted by j.w., 14 August 2013

Paint Job

I wanted to get my porch painted and engaged a local man who did odd jobs. He said he would do it for £50, which I thought was reasonable. I got him the paint and asked him to get on with it while I did some...

submitted by j.w., 05 August 2013

Sexual discrimination dealt a blow

Recently I went to America and found I had spent all my money and needed cash quick. I knew you could give blood in the states so I got my wife to volunteer and she got paid 20$. The next day I went to a sperm...

submitted by j.w., 05 August 2013

I Managed Not To Laugh

I went with my wife to this airfield where you could get rides on old planes. I asked how much it would cost and was told it was £50 for half an hour. I said I could not afford that. The pilot offered a deal. If...

submitted by j.w., 04 August 2013

How to deal with the Police

Questioned after driving in a Bus lane. Are You A Bus Yes. Algernon Bus at your service. How can I help you? I love to be recognised by my fans. Do you want signed photographs for your children? Mr Bus. If you...

submitted by j.w., 20 June 2013


Grandpa, whats a lobby? Well, when I was young we had a room in our house which was called the lobby, it was, in fact a toilet. So lobbying was going to the loo, doing something we dont want everyone to see us doing....

submitted by j.w., 04 June 2013


I was in a hurry to get home so I drove in the Bus Lane. It didnt take long for a police car to arrive on my tail, waving me over. I stopped an the policeman came over. Are you a bus? he asked I can see you have a lot...

submitted by j.w., 01 June 2013


I was driving along the motorway at a bit over the limit when I noticed a police car in pursuit. I slowed down and stopped on the hard shoulder. A policeman came over to my car. What can I do for you, Officer? Blow into...

submitted by j.w., 01 June 2013

How to annoy your father

Dad: Can you get me a drink? Son: Coke or Pepsi? Dad: Coke Son: Diet or Normal? Dad: Normal Son: Can or Bottle? Dad: Can Son: A litre or half a litre? Dad: Just get me some water Son: Carbonated or still? Dad: Still Son:...

submitted by j.w., 01 June 2013

Religious Upbringing

Two young priests are discussing marriage and one says to the other: I believe in the sanctity of marriage so I never slept with my wife until I got married. How about you? The second priest scratched his head. Then he asked...

submitted by j.w., 29 May 2013


A well armed hooded Mugger stopped a well dressed,affluent man on a Mayfair street and shouted: Give me your money! The affluent gent replied that he was a Banker and had no intention of handing over his money. In that case replied...

submitted by j.w., 29 May 2013


This lady had two parrots who kept saying to each other Hey, lovely come and have some fun with me. She went to see her local vicar with the problem. He told her that he had two parrots as well but he had trained them to say prayers....

submitted by j.w., 24 May 2013

Generous Banker

A person trying to raise money to help the local community approached a Banker. Could you help us to assist unfortunate people who have fallen on hard times in this community? You may not realise that my mother is in an old persons home...

submitted by j.w., 24 May 2013

If I die

The wife asked her husband: If I die before you would you remarry? Yes, I think I probably would in the right circumstances. Would your new wife live in this house with you? Yes And would she drive my car? Yes, I should think so. Would she...

submitted by j.w., 24 May 2013
Showing page 2 (of 9 pages)

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