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Showing jokes submitted by Spicewood.


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A Zoo Problem

A small zoo in Arkansas obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem....

submitted by Spicewood, 13 January 2011

Watching TV

The wife and I were at home watching TV. I had the remote and was switching back and forth between a Fishing channel and the porn channel. She became more and more annoyed and finally said: For Gods...

submitted by Spicewood, 03 January 2011

Shipwrecked

A man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there...

submitted by Spicewood, 23 December 2010

And, then the fifght started ....

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need for you to pay me a compliment....

submitted by Spicewood, 15 December 2010

Jesus is Watching

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, Jesus knows youre here. He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight...

submitted by Spicewood, 14 December 2010

James Wright

An Attorney arrived home late after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for his client. His last minute plea to the Governor for clemency had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed....

submitted by Spicewood, 10 December 2010

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda. 2nd woman: Hi! Im Sylvia. Howd you die? 1st woman: I froze to death. 2nd woman: How horrible! 1st woman: It wasnt so bad. After I quit shaking...

submitted by Spicewood, 10 December 2010

Square Balls

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she...

submitted by Spicewood, 29 November 2010

The Australian Guy

An Australian guy is travelling around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian barmaid. As she takes his order, a Fosters, she notices his accent. Over the course...

submitted by Spicewood, 26 November 2010

The Biker

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest,...

submitted by Spicewood, 26 November 2010

Rye Bread

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasnt even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at his friends...

submitted by Spicewood, 25 November 2010

It Works

Went to the Doctor today, had a stiff neck. Cost me $85. She told me to take a shot glass, half fill with Vodka, hold your head way back and drink the Vodka, will help the neck. Office visit $50 ... Vodka...

submitted by Spicewood, 18 November 2010

Whoops ............

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said,...

submitted by Spicewood, 12 November 2010

The Exam

A college teacher reminded her class of tomorrows final exam. Now class, I wont tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a...

submitted by Spicewood, 12 November 2010

Bad Mistake

A woman was standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment....

submitted by Spicewood, 12 November 2010

Low Bridge

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knew it, the bridge was right in front of him and his truck got wedged under it. Cars got backed...

submitted by Spicewood, 12 November 2010

She's There

His wifes graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance....

submitted by Spicewood, 25 October 2010

I can relate to this

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to...

submitted by Spicewood, 15 October 2010

An elderly one .........

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to...

submitted by Spicewood, 15 October 2010

What's in a word?

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A...

submitted by Spicewood, 11 October 2010

Good Education

The owner of a golf course in South Carolina was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, You graduated...

submitted by Spicewood, 11 October 2010

Where's Henry?

A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. Wheres Henry? the...

submitted by Spicewood, 11 October 2010

Oh, Ok.

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot! Bubba replied, Did you see who it was? The young man...

submitted by Spicewood, 11 October 2010

Sign sez it all

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Dont you see that sign right over your head. Yep,...

submitted by Spicewood, 11 October 2010
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