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Showing jokes submitted by nigmuncher.


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Fair exchange

An old lady walks into a hardware store and asks the male assistant if she can purchase a painting hung up on the wall....

submitted by nigmuncher, 17 October 2009

Cruelty to animals

I dont get it?...

submitted by nigmuncher, 17 October 2009

Stiff joints

Woke up this morning and my joints were really stiff....

submitted by nigmuncher, 17 October 2009

Good advice

When nailing your scrotum to a kitchen table for the purposes of sexual gratification, always ensure that you leave the pliers within arms reach, not in your toolbox in the shed....

submitted by nigmuncher, 17 October 2009

Rude Scottish insults

She had a fanny like a stab wound in a gorillas back...

submitted by nigmuncher, 17 October 2009

Are my testicles black?

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give...

submitted by nigmuncher, 17 October 2009

A Classical joke

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried, as custom dictates, in a churchyard. A couple of days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area...

submitted by nigmuncher, 17 October 2009

Rude riddle

There once was a fellow named Dave Who dug up a whore from her grave She was mouldy as shit And missing a tit but think of the money he saved...

submitted by nigmuncher, 17 October 2009

Religous mistake

In church this morning, the preacher suggested we should love our neighbour as we love ourselves. So I went round and gave the bloke next door a wank...

submitted by nigmuncher, 17 October 2009

Beliefs

My Uncle was jailed for his beliefs.. He believed you could wank on the bus....

submitted by nigmuncher, 17 October 2009

Wrong answer

A young couple had just had great sex. When they were finished, she looked in the box of condoms, but there were only six left out of twelve, so she asked him, What happened to the other five condoms?...

submitted by nigmuncher, 17 October 2009

Window licker

I need to stop taking road traffic signs so literally, I saw one yesterday that said SLOW FOR 2 MILES I spent the next 2 miles licking my window and waving at complete strangers....

submitted by nigmuncher, 17 October 2009

8 tips for girls

8 things girls should say to guys - 1. Im bored, lets shave my pussy. 2. Are you sure youve had enough to drink? 3. That fart was great! do another? 4. Of course i swallow, i love it! 5. No thats ok,...

submitted by nigmuncher, 17 October 2009

Whoops! mad cow

A man goes into a restaurant with his wife. The waiter approaches the table and asks for their order. Ill have your biggest, juiciest steak, he says. But sir, what about the mad cow?! asks the waiter....

submitted by nigmuncher, 16 October 2009

A Chinese meal

A Chinese couple get married, and shes a virgin. On the wedding night she gets nervously under the sheets while her husband undresses. He climbs into bed next to her, and tries to be reassuring: My darring....

submitted by nigmuncher, 16 October 2009

Order in the class!

A teacher asks her class to use the word contagious. Roland the class swat, gets up and says, Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious. Well done, Roland says the teacher. Can anyone else...

submitted by nigmuncher, 16 October 2009

Drunk driving

A friend of mine was prosecuted on account of his beliefs. He believed he could drive after nine pints....

submitted by nigmuncher, 16 October 2009

Well done

I am in the army and my sergeant said to me, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning! To which I replied, Oh, thank you very much, sir!...

submitted by nigmuncher, 16 October 2009

Second hand goods

A man is teasing his ex-wifes new husband: Hows the second hand fanny? The new husband replys: Its great thanks... after the first three inches its fucking brand new!...

submitted by nigmuncher, 16 October 2009

Neighbours from hell?

I arrived home today and the new neighbours had moved in, fucking pakis. I went in and said to the wife. There goes the fucking neighbourhood. She said: Rhanjeed. They are your parents....

submitted by nigmuncher, 16 October 2009

Stevie blunder

What goes, Click-click - have I done it yet? Click-click - have I done it yet? Stevie Wonder with a rubiks cube....

submitted by nigmuncher, 16 October 2009

Honest mistake

How come when a gang of women go for a night out, they always take pictures of each other on the toilet for a giggle? I once took a picture of a bloke having a shit, thinking he would find it amusing. He didnt,...

submitted by nigmuncher, 16 October 2009

Old crap

I was on the toilet once for so long, I finally said to myself, Im getting too old for this shit....

submitted by nigmuncher, 16 October 2009

Dressed to thrill

My girlfriend came downstairs in this very sluttish dress the other night and I said, you look like youre about to go to a fucking brothel. She said, well, what if I am? I replied, you can give me a lift....

submitted by nigmuncher, 16 October 2009
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