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Forrest Gump In Heaven

Forrest Gump died and went to heavens gates where he met St. Peter....

submitted by Al N., 17 April 2016

Amercain Political Dictionary

misspeak v. The act of commenting on an issue by a politician who is making shit up as he or she is being interviewed by a news anchor and, after...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 01 April 2016

Republican Diversity Efforts

OK. So Ive been pretty hard recently on the Republican Party with family, friends, and acquaintances. Lets give them credit, after all, for their attempts to increase their base through their diversity...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 23 March 2016

American Political Dictionary: "Religious Liberty"

I heard again, on a morning news cable show, the term religious liberty. As anyone with half a brain knows, this is a euphemism (worthy of the wily wordsmith Frank Luntz) that really means religious...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 20 March 2016

Two Tomatos Cross the Road

A tomato was crossing the road with another tomato he had just met. He believed her to be a real hot tomato and not just because the heat was 90 degrees. As they were crossing the street, the hot tomato...

submitted by Al N., 17 March 2016

I go to a female doctor

I had a doctors appointment last week. The doctor was a smoking hot woman who must have just graduated medical school. As I took my clothes off for the exam I got a little nervous, but I had to ask so I...

submitted by Elliott Baas, 22 February 2016

North Korean Jokes (As Though The Country Isn't Enough Of a Joke On Its Own).

North Korean Jokes (As Though The Country Isnt Enough Of a Joke On Its Own). Why did the North Koreans run over the border to eat South Koreans lawns? They heard the grass was greener on the other side....

submitted by rfreed, 08 February 2016

Feet

What does a man who has lost his legs say to the Judge in the Court? Unfeet to plead mlord. What do you say to a man who is attempting to run a mile in three minutes? Your feats too big! What do you...

submitted by j.w., 02 February 2016

Bible Study

Ive never understood Bible Study. If a book is revelation (a usually secret or surprising fact that is made known, Merriam-Webster Online) or revelatory (making something known: revealing something...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 21 January 2016

Drummers

What do you call a drummer who breaks up with his girlfriend? Homeless! How do you know if the stage the band is playing on is level or not? If its...

submitted by Al N., 16 December 2015

Why Atheists Don't Blow Themselves Up

How often do you see atheists strap themselves to a bomb and then blow themselves and others up? That particular pathology seems to be one of the symptoms of theism, not atheism. Atheists are much too...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 25 November 2015

Jelly & Whipped Cream

We were invited to some really posh people for a meal. First I was offered a pair of teeth which I declined. Then it was a horse and dove which was not too bad. The wine was a wonderful shatteau dorsay...

submitted by j.w., 22 November 2015

Polish man walks into pub....

A Polish man walks into pub and asks the barman Excuse me, could you recommend a good port? The barman says Yes, Felixstowe... Now fuck off!...

submitted by dr. john leslie breaknik, 20 November 2015

Attending the Pre-event

On television (from a show on real estate): People attending the pre-event should be prepared to--Aside from the lovely alliteration here, how does one attend a pre-event? Or more to the point, when...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 25 October 2015

A Jew Dies And Goes To Heaven

A Jew dies and goes to heaven; St. Peter looks at him and says, youre a Jew, arent you? The guy goes, well yes so im a Jew already, and St. Peter goes, you never thought of us at xmas, wtf made you think...

submitted by <3 +, 16 October 2015

A Duck Walks Into A Bar

A duck walks into a bar and orders a ham sandwich and a pint - the barkeep sez holy shit, a talking duck! leave me your number,...

submitted by <3 +, 16 October 2015

Speaking Inartfully

American Political Dictionary: Inartful. This morning on This Week, State of the Nation, and other cable news shows, I heard that Jeb Bush spoke inartfully this week, and that what Kevin McCarthy said...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 04 October 2015

Gotcha Question Defined

From The American Political Dictionary gotcha question /ga-cha kwes-chen/: a question asked by an interviewer of a candidate who has no idea how to answer it, and is offended that someone should have the...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 04 September 2015

Debating Naked, on FOX

I watched the last two minutes of Dating Naked tonight. Never have I laughed so loud and long at earnest, naked people (with their privates blurred out) trying (but failing) to engage in the art of conversation....

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 20 August 2015

Head Pig

A rich arrogant man walked into a large non-profit organization. I want to talk to the Head Pig in Charge of this Trough. The receptionist was offended. Sir, if youre going to talk like that, you can just turn...

submitted by Joanie Chevalier, 09 August 2015

The Pledge of Allegiance to the Confederate Flag

To be recited before the sides of barns and bumper stickers adorning pickup trucks all over the South. I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the Confederate States of America, and to the Republic of slave owners, for...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 12 July 2015

Sex Ed 101: Faletio Advice

Chicks in heat must wait at least a split second after midnight on their 18th birthday. Fact 1: Men love to get a good blow job. Fact 2: Men hate to get their penises chafed by your teeth. Fact 3: Men love to cum in...

submitted by Dick Sheerer, 12 July 2015

A Jelly Roll Diet

A horny suburban housewife met a poor homeless man and invited him to her home for lunch. But when they got to the house she seduced him into having sex with her instead. So they went upstairs to the...

submitted by Dick Sheerer, 06 July 2015

Three Men And A Farmer

Three men were driving down a desolate country road one night and ran out of gas. They saw a farm house nearby and went there to ask for help. The farmer told them that the nearest gas station was over...

submitted by Dick Sheerer, 06 July 2015
Showing page 2 (of 581 pages)

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