Jokes
Showing jokes submitted by whatinthe world.
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Aviation joke
Irishman is flying a commercial jet airliner from London to Dublin. As he approaches home, he requests permission to land from the control tower. Permission denied comes the response from the airport authorities. The pilot cant believe his ears as its a fine day and theres...
Moon landing
An astronaut is launched into space and he lands on the Moon. As he descends the craft to start exploring, he is approached by a suited gentleman selling real estate. Ive got just the property for you says the salesman....
Duck hunting
Harry and his mate go duck hunting one winters day. They see a flock of ducks and start aiming their shotguns. Gee these ducks are fast says Harrys mate. I know. May be we should use sling shots replies Harry. Lets...
Chickens
A tourist is visiting a farm when she sees the farm owners collection of chickens. My, you have such wonderful chickens! she tells the farm owner. Thank you he replies. I love them, I...
Flower joke
Gardener is setting down a new flower bed when a drunk party goer walks by. Here, I like flowers. What, ah, sort of flowers...? says the sozzled individual. Theyre petunias. Ive also got some...
Police joke
A Policeman pulls over a driver on the highway after he finds the man speeding. Okay sir, whats the reason for going so fast? You were doing 100mph says the lawman. Officer, I was trying to...
Fur coat
One day while Im walking around town, a policeman approaches me and says hey, didnt you steal that fur coat from the millionairess? What is your proof? I reply. Youve got it on answers the busy lawman....
Car trouble
My car is on fire. I race down to the garden shed and connect the garden hose in an attempt to put out the flames. However, there is no water as I have not paid my water rates. I call the local fire brigade who cannot attend immediately...
A horse of course
A man walks into a department store and asks where he can find the right section to buy a horse. We dont sell horses here replies the sales assistant. But I saw an advertisement for a horse in your catalogue...
Man and his suitcase
Man is driving across town in his car when he runs over a large suitcase. He stops the car to investigate and then notices a person hop out of the bag.What the hell were you doing? the emerging fellow cries. More like what were you doing? replied the driver....
bar joke
A giraffe walks into a bar and summons the bartender. Hey you! Yeah, you! How come you stole my wallet? demanded the giraffe. Why I dont believe I did, Mr Giraffe replied the bartender, taken aback. Yes, you did sir. When the horse and the camel came in here several hours ago, they paid for their drinks with cash...
Bishop joke
Three bishops are walking in the Scottish highlands when a truck pulls up beside them and the driver leans out of the passenger window saying Which one of you individuals stole my prize sheep? The first bishop replies Well Im the bishop...
Camping
A pair of accountants go camping one weekend. They pitch a tent near a lovely river bed and settle down to relax. When darkness falls, a loud roar is heard coming from the nearby forest. Whats that? asks the first accountant. Ah, its just the sounds of nature. Relax says the other. A few minutes later the same...
Joke time
A horse walks into a bar and finds an Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman. They are quickly joined by a postman, a milkman and a policeman....
Animal joke
A rooster, a crocodile and an elephant are walking through the Mayfair shops. I think Ill buy a feather boa says the rooster. I think Ill buy a leather wallet says the croc. How bout you, elephant?...
The Horsemen
Four men are riding horses in the Mojave Desert in America. One of them asks what time it is. Its half past a freckle says the other rider. Oh, thats a help! the horseman replies. Well what do you expect for a cheap joke? says the other man. So they...
Man and his frock
A suspicious man walked into a womens dress shop and tried on a frock designed by Victorias Secret. Ill take this one he declared to the salesperson....
Porch
Unemployed man is canvassing his local area looking for odd jobs to do. He asks a local resident if they have any work they want done around the home. Dont know replies the resident though you might want to paint my porch. Youll find...
School joke
Teacher: Okay children, I want someone to use the word urinate in a sentence for me. Sally, you can go first. Sally: Mum asked me to go to the toilet before we went swimming so I wouldnt urinate in the pool. Teacher: Good, Sally. Okay,...
Dentist joke
A dentist walks into a bar and asks for a double brandy. We only serve orthodentists says the barman we dont need jerks like you in here. The dentist looks the barman...
Horse joke
Horse walks into a bar. The barman looks at him and says gee, its great to see your face. How long is it since you been here? Horse replies not since I won the Kentucky Derby. Well...
VP and the ghost
US Vice President, Joe Biden, is riding a horse through the woods near Washington DC when a ghost confronts him. Are you the Vice President of America? the ghost asks. Yeah, thats me Biden replies. You...
Lion, giraffe and zebra
A lion, giraffe and zebra are on holidays together when the lion suggests to the other two that they pose for his camera. My neck is too long. I wont fit in the photo says...
The loan
Bank Manager: Mr Simpleton, I cant approve this loan. You are chronically unemployed, you have seven pounds in your account and your wife has left you. Have you tried contacting...
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